Thank you Lucia and Matt for your time and support.

You know Lucia, I thought about your question. What would I say if my best friend had told me the words I typed. When I thought of it that way, I could really see what was my problem.

I realized that the reason my life feels unfulfilled is because I don’t actually want to live life. I simply want to exist in a world where I don’t have hardships or if I do have hardships, they are easily surmountable and that’s not what hardships are. A life void of problems is a delusional, awful nightmare. I don’t know if I understand completely, but I see the purpose of hardships. They push us to do things we normally wouldn’t do. Whenever I felt like this, I would have kept this to myself and go on with my day, feeling terrible. But now I am voicing my problems to a public forum. That is not how I normally go about my life. The difference between “those who push forward” and me is that the ones who push forward adapt to the changes in life. I just become immobilized when faced with change. That’s like a baby learning to walk, falling down, and deciding to stay down for the rest of his or her life. Why would the baby do that when it just needs to realize it is down and compensate for the mistake with an adjustment in footing. My method of handling problems is irrational, but I use it consistently. Recurrent negative emotions are expected from a method like that.

I never realized how absurd I was being in my life. I am still going to my relative’s house, but when I’m there I will adapt to the changes that I face instead of using the same trite, tired response.

Thank you Lucia for telling me to ask myself that and for your kind hearted wishes.