Matt. You are very correct about what I need to in regards to how I react to my mistakes. Whenever I make a mistake, I berate myself for hours on end for committing them. I ignored unpleasant emotions and told myself that I need to be perfect. I even went as far as to create the actual traits and qualities of the ideal me. Looking at it now, this idealistic person isn’t human. He is supernatural and with the “perfect” life that he was expected to live, the only result would be absolute solitude due to a lack of being able to relate. Because it’s pain that draws people together. The ability to relate through pain is what draws people close in a way greater to that of any international social networking site. I mean, on this very page right now are 6 individuals, myself included, who are brought together by one specific common trait. Not our eye color, or our choice of music, but because we all have experienced the feeling of wanting to be the best and subsequently giving up. If we had past each other on the street, we would have never said a word and now the four of you are taking time out of your day to console me. Somebody, you didn’t know longer than 24 hours.

It makes me realize just how terrible being perfect would have been. I would have never known that I had a chance of being accepted for being a “failure”. I would have been ignorant and arrogant toward this very real and common feeling. I will start to notice my feelings because of their ability to allow me to understand people even if I don’t know anything other than their first name. Letting go and allowing myself to plunge into the emotion might just allow me to finally take a breath and relax.

But then again, I’m not all that smart, so maybe I’m wrong about what I just said. But regardless of whether I’m right or wrong, I am thankful to you, matt, and everyone who took the time to help me. It means a tremendous amount.