Leslie,

In addition to Tera’s thoughtful and pertinent words of wisdom, a few things came to heart as I read your words. I’m sorry that you feel damaged and isolated, I know how painful that can feel.

Sometimes when we create a veil or mask that we put on (“having it all together”) it drains our energy to maintain it. There are so many layers and conversions we have to do that the longer we stay engaged the more tired we feel. We are afraid that we are unlovable as we are, and so we try to create a version of our self that is lovable. This is flawed, because those of us who love others (I daresay most) find it far easier to love the crazy, chaotic, mess of a person than a veil. Said differently, we’re all messed up in one way or another, and our hearts (and yours of course) accept that as part of the learning process.

The truth is we are all born ignorant, and we all trip and fumble down the path as we attempt to find our tune. When you have the courage to own that, going deep with a person will no longer be as scary. Remember that they are the same as you, an imperfect, loving, hero or heroine with baggage and innovations.

One thing you may wish to consider is that sometimes we are self-critical. Our mind turns on us and begins to pick apart each little faux pas and misstep, and uses them like a whip on our tender skin. It becomes painful to endure, and we would rather be alone than be flogged by the critic inside when we try to connect. I’d like to speak to the critic for a moment, if you don’t mind.

Thank you for trying to care for Leslie, protecting her from the pain of the cold and unfeeling world around her long ago. You have been brave and strong to work so tirelessly to help her see what has been happening, and your service is appreciated by me and all who love like me. Its ok, safe and normal for you to let go, so Leslie can connect to more of the joy that is around her. While you protected her from the pain of shame and embarrassment, you’ve also been cutting off her happiness. If you let up a little, you’ll see just how beautiful Leslie is, and why its time for you to grow up into loving discernment. You are still important to her, and will always have a place inside, and now is a good time to relax and trust her. She’s ready and listening, you don’t need to be harsh to be heard. Thank you for listening, and I hope this finds you well.

With warmth,
Matt