Hi Leslie. This is what I did and it helped me a great deal. It might not get you completely out of where you are at, but it might actually ease some of your concerns.
What I did was..

1. Make a list of everything wrong with me.
2. Look at each flaw 1 at a time.
3. Ask myself if anyone else had these same flaws and it turned out most humans including a few aliens have these same flaws
4. I took inventory of what I could actually change and what I couldn’t change I made peace with it.
5. I made a list of every positive quality about me.

Sometimes what you fear about yourself isn’t really as bad as you think once you drag it into the open. If you just keep it bottled instead of looking at it, you never really get a clear picture of it, and it lives on to scare you. Pay no attention the man behind the curtain.

Another thing for that voice in my head that probably says similar things to yours is doing, “The Work” by Byron Katie. It’s amazing how effective it is because sometime asking if it’s true will open a new dialogue.

Finally. Like you I work at making great friends all the time. In fact I have actually worked at it a lot this year. One thing that really helps is to put aside the need for friendship and just talk to people everywhere I go, and I mean everywhere I go. Practice practice practice…At the grocery store. At the gym, at the restaurant and wherever there are people. I am not trying to establish a deep connection nor am I fake with people, but just getting to know people and find out who they are.
Although this seems kind of shallow, you’re slowly letting go of fears of rejection while exposing your honest self more and more. Best of all, you don’t ever realize it!

You don’t have to do it all at once either. Just chip at bit by bit. Remember…crawl, walk, run

• This reply was modified 10 years, 9 months ago by Tera.
• This reply was modified 10 years, 9 months ago by Tera.

Leslie,

In addition to Tera’s thoughtful and pertinent words of wisdom, a few things came to heart as I read your words. I’m sorry that you feel damaged and isolated, I know how painful that can feel.

Sometimes when we create a veil or mask that we put on (“having it all together”) it drains our energy to maintain it. There are so many layers and conversions we have to do that the longer we stay engaged the more tired we feel. We are afraid that we are unlovable as we are, and so we try to create a version of our self that is lovable. This is flawed, because those of us who love others (I daresay most) find it far easier to love the crazy, chaotic, mess of a person than a veil. Said differently, we’re all messed up in one way or another, and our hearts (and yours of course) accept that as part of the learning process.

The truth is we are all born ignorant, and we all trip and fumble down the path as we attempt to find our tune. When you have the courage to own that, going deep with a person will no longer be as scary. Remember that they are the same as you, an imperfect, loving, hero or heroine with baggage and innovations.

One thing you may wish to consider is that sometimes we are self-critical. Our mind turns on us and begins to pick apart each little faux pas and misstep, and uses them like a whip on our tender skin. It becomes painful to endure, and we would rather be alone than be flogged by the critic inside when we try to connect. I’d like to speak to the critic for a moment, if you don’t mind.

Thank you for trying to care for Leslie, protecting her from the pain of the cold and unfeeling world around her long ago. You have been brave and strong to work so tirelessly to help her see what has been happening, and your service is appreciated by me and all who love like me. Its ok, safe and normal for you to let go, so Leslie can connect to more of the joy that is around her. While you protected her from the pain of shame and embarrassment, you’ve also been cutting off her happiness. If you let up a little, you’ll see just how beautiful Leslie is, and why its time for you to grow up into loving discernment. You are still important to her, and will always have a place inside, and now is a good time to relax and trust her. She’s ready and listening, you don’t need to be harsh to be heard. Thank you for listening, and I hope this finds you well.

With warmth,
Matt