Hi again Leslie,

This morning I had more time to think about your post and something specifically you touched on. You said that you are in your 50’s and never had a best friend. It almost sounds as if you are punishing yourself for not having achieved this. First off it’s never too late, and second it’s not something to feel down on yourself for even if you haven’t. As I reflect on my life, there are many things I feel I have missed out on, or couldn’t accomplish for which most other people seem to have so easily. That’s a recipe for depression if I ever heard of one.

If you look at yourself and think about what you have accomplished you’ll probably find that there are a lot of people who could only dream about doing what you can do. It may seem insignificant to you because it’s so mundane and familiar. I have a friend who never goes out except for work. When she comes home all she does is sits in a chair and knits. She laments that she doesn’t have much of a life, but when I see her work, I am in awe. She is so creative, and patiently churns out beautiful things while I am off fluttering about never really getting anything done. The truth is that I envy what she has made of herself and sometimes get down on myself for my impatience.

What I think it’s really about is I use my time developing my social skills whereas she uses hers to develop her artistry but it’s easy to forget that when all we see is what others have. So what I think I am saying is that we have all these silly social standards that govern what we are supposed to accomplish and when we are supposed to accomplish them. And when we don’t live up to them by a certain time or in a specific order, such as,” by the time I am 30 I should own a house, or have 2 kids, or my dream job etc…” we think we are failures. Imagine that!?

For that matter do we ever stop and think that there are too many of these standards to achieve them all? Even if we did, are they what we would really want or are they just established generic models of what we are supposed to want? By those standards I am a complete and total failure.