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14 year bad relationship, Im still in love ,but hes not.

HomeForumsRelationships14 year bad relationship, Im still in love ,but hes not.

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Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • #47947
    melissa
    Participant

    I have been with the same guy for 14 years. Some good times but , mostly bad. He used to get drunk and beat me up, back in the day .the last time he did it, I was a walking knock-out,thats what its called when your really knocked out but still moving . that scared him so bad he has never hit me since .we just argue now when hes drunk. we also have the substance abuse thing going on. I already understand that makes relationships impossible. I have always been very much in love. nothing he would do seem to make it go away, whenever I said I love you he would get angry, but would say it back. The first 8 or so years together we lived together but after about 5 different failed places I figured out he was not interested in building a home with me. I was the only one paying the bills. I had 2 children of my own when we got together ,they were 11 and 8 ,I really needed help with them. and I thought he had some good values. like -never steal,dont talk back to adults, go to work everyday,he had some other good habits.but when it came time for him to help me his answer was I had five step dads I am not going to be one. and he meant it. I could go on and on about what a bad relationship it was. but thats pointless. my problem is …..He wont go away,has always kept calling me .even tho he treats me like im the enemy. he will not go away ,I have tried to get rid of this man after the first six months because I knew we had no future.I tried every possible way that I know how to stop this bad romance, but, alls he has to do is call and as soon as I here his voice its over. I fall for all his lies all over again because Iam still in love with him like the day we meet. alls he has to say is that I’m looking old.so thats my problem in a nut shell how do I stop this constant heartbreak .Did I mention that I am bi-polar .thats his excuse for all his bad behavior. Its not me its her ,Shes crazy

    #48074
    realtalk
    Participant

    Okay, so I will give you my point of view. I’m an outsider looking in. It’s much harder when you are on the inside, looking out. It sounds like you know what is good for you. You know he isn’t good for you. You have children. You want to raise your kids in a positive environment. You have to be strong. Keep him out of your life. If you know by talking to him, you fall for him, you have to end that. Avoid him. Move on with your life. Love yourself, or no one else will. People can be manipulative. People can be cunning. Especially if they see that you have a big heart, if you have weakness, anything they can feed off. You don’t deserve to be lied to. You don’t deserve to be hit. You deserve to be treated like a queen, and you can be. Raise your head up high, move on. Be strong for yourself. Sometimes, it’s easier to do the same thing and harder to change. You said you are bipolar, that doesn’t mean you can’t live a great life. A lot of people these days are bipolar. I feel like everyone has something they have to deal with in their lives. We are all on our own paths. Make some changes. Stay positive. Be a good influence on your children. Have a good heart, don’t let anyone ever change that. I hope this helps.

    #48085
    Cyd
    Participant

    It’s not about you loving him. It’s about you loving yourself. You are in a relationship that doesn’t show evidence of any characteristics of self love. He doesn’t love his self either. I never met a man who beat his significant other and liked himself. What shows on the outside was first manifested on the inside. He is fighting with himself on the inside so he will fight with others on the outside. It’s easier to fight with someone than to fight againt our own self. If you loved yourself you wouldnt be with someone who abuses you physically or verbally. That doesnt set a good example for your children who are constantly learning about their own self esteem and how they deserve to be treated by others by watching you. This isnt love. Love doesn’t come from self hate. Walk away and began a path of self love. Do things that honor your essence as a woman and mother. Keep pressing 🙂

    #48092
    Lyla McLean
    Participant

    Dear Melissa, You mentioned alcohol and drug problems. That would seem to be the very first thing to take care of. Are you willing to get clean and sober and live a life that will teach your children how to live. If you are Alcoholics Anonymous has helped over two million people get sober and get their lives back on track. You may be obsessed with this man but you can’t love someone who beats you up physically or emotionally. A book called Facing Love Addiction by Pia Melody really helped me. I hear a lot of my past relationship in what you have shared. I ended up trying to kill myself because I was so beaten down by that man. Today I’d keep him away with a restraining order if I had to.
    You know his lies are lies. So why believe them? he may start beating you again. men who abuse continue to abuse and then it’s all hearts and flowers until the next time. Don’t let him use your mental illness against you. That’s what my partner did too. I came to hate the woman I was when I was with him and I came so close to punching him. That’s when I said he had to leave. I sometimes miss having the good parts but I would never again pay the price. Your children need to see you stand up and be strong. get the help of a social worker if that’s what it takes. I wish you well. I wish you strength. it won’t be easy but we women are daughters of the goddesses and God. Let us know how you are doing.

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