I had a horrible divorce in 2010, I was 23 when I left my ex husband and I dont feel like I handled it well. I could have been nicer, I should have said less nasty things, all in all I should have been more mature about the breakup. I think at the time I didn’t once care about how he would feel about me leaving him.

7 years and 2 relationships on, I can’t bring myself to let either of them go fully. Both I stayed with years too long and after both I’ve stayed in touch to the point of having  close friendships, this doesn’t include sex with the more recent ex and now eventually doesn’t with the other ex.

Long story short, 5 year ex, was abusive physically, mentally but he was there through my divorce and when he was abusive his brother had died and he went off the rails. That’s the only reason why I’ve forgiven him, it the only reason why I’d never have a relationship with him again.

My most recent ex, I was with for 2 years, I got accidently pregnant and I decided to keep the baby. At the time he told me he thought it was wrong because we barely knew each other, I took it on board but decided to keep the baby anyway. My thoughts being, I’m nearly 30 and I can afford a baby even if he isn’t around. Looking back, It’s selfish of me to not fully understand what he really wanted. However, I kept the baby anyway.

We had a very strained relationship, after the baby was born, my ex admitted he resented me of keeping him. His behaviour confirmed his actions over the 9 months. It was awful, he looked at me like he hated me. He couldn’t bring himself to even touch me. To give me a hug or even words of comfort. He truly detested me.

We’ve now broken up properly after 15 times of getting back together.

I’m sad our family isn’t going to work, because I have tried so so hard to keep us together. Even though, It’s obvious now, that he would never get over me keeping our child.

Thing is, I don’t want to fall out with him, we run a business together and I’m happy with us getting on that way. I can’t just let it go. Even though I don’t love him, I just can’t say, no fuck off or not let him be in my life and vs versa.

My other ex, I’m exactly the same. We are best friends and we give each other advice about everything. Relationships, clothing etc

I feel like the way I can’t let either of them go to the point of not being just friends, means there’s something wrong with me.  It doesn’t bother me if they’ve met other people, I don’t have sex with them, or even feel sexually towards them. I just don’t want to be left out of their lives.

Worried that my divorce has fucked me up or is the way I feel normal?

I had 8 month of therapy because I had PND, which was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself but it hasn’t helped with the fact I can’t end relationships.

I don’t know why I care about either of them, they were both vile towards me. I’m just worried my next relationship will end the same, with me being his best fucking friend!

Has anyone else experience this?

Thanks for your time. X