3 year relationship, Hard to move on.

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    I am 21 years old and he is 20 years old, about to be 21 on October. I recently broke up with my ex on the end of July. We almost made 3 years on October! But the reason i left him was because i felt like he didnt put 50% percent. We were always on and off, he broke up with me 2 times and i always gave him a chance when he looked for me, but this time that i broke up with him i regreted it and asked him for a chance and he said no because i broke up with him but if he broke up with me then we could of worked it out, i told him that wasnt fair. He told me he is not like me giving chances. In the beginning like always it was perfect, but then after 7 months my family and I started having problems involved with my ex. My family prohibited me from seeing him, but then i started seeing him again. I would always see my family against me. He never told me to stop hanging out with my family, it was my decision to always be with him and not my family. In 2012 I left my parents house because i was not getting along well with my family and my ex helped me and let me stay with him at his parents house. We were doing okay for 2 months but after that he started hanging around with his 30 year old brother partying, and he would always leave me alone at nights like almost every day or weekend. He seemed like he didnt care about me and i was a bother. So later on he broke up with me while i was living with him because i would always question him where he would go and made him feel bad and was very mean to me. Two weeks later he didnt seem mad anymore and i wasnt hurt anymore, so he told me to sleep in his bed and he also let me borrow his car to take care of college stuff. So i dropped him off at work that day and went to school, after i stopped by the mall and made the biggest mistake of my life, I stole some shirts from the mall and got arrested. So i have a record on my background :(. My ex didnt accept my calls from jail, and he didnt try a lot to get me out, somehow my parents found out and got me out that same day! My parents wanted me to come back home and follow their rules but i didnt want to and went back to my ex’s parents house. I was stupid! Two weeks later my parents found out where my ex’s parents house was and came to tell me to come with them when im ready! But i still didnt listen to them. My ex never paid attention to me only at nights when it was time to sleep. He would just cuddle with me and touch me. But i got tired of it and got my things and left to my parents, and a week later my ex comes to me for a chance. Actually we meet up at an hotel and make love, after i asked him where do we take it from here but he said his not ready to get back that he needed time. Months passed all the way to January 2013 when we started getting serious. Between all the time he wouldnt see another girl and i wouldnt see another guy! We were always together 24/7! But we argued a lot, and i guess because we did things to each other. Then around the month of April and after i would spend the night at his parents house with him and i would never tell my parents where i would be at, or sometimes i would go back home in days. I always wanted to be with him. And when we were together his family was always around. In May his car got hit and never had a ride, so i helped him with everything. I took him to apply to jobs, find a car, and take him lunch to his job. He was always with me and never went out to clubs or anything for like almost two months. There were arguements between, and he took me to San Antonio for my bday in my car but he paid for the trip except for gas. But once he got his car in July and his own place, he stopped making time for me on the weekend and never took me to his own place to see it. I felt used or maybe i thought wrong. I didnt like how he just with me when he doesnt have anything and when he does he doesnt make time for me, and he also wanted me to accept that he likes to party with his friends. I didnt mind him going out, but he never let me know what he was doing or where he was at, i got tired of it and broke up with him. But when we were together we had this special connection between us!!! We were very playful, understood each other sometimes i did my best for him, we cuddled hold each other tight. I was close and i still am close to his family, i was the very first girl that his family liked and that everyone told me he is in love with me. That they never saw him happy like this. But i broke up with him and i feel like i should been patient, because he told me that to wait for him to change to day shift so we can hang out. And i should of listened to my parents and follow their rules and not ignore them just to be with him. The beginning of august my parents kicked me out because i came home late, and they already warned me that if i do that they will kick me out. So when i got kicked out, i called my ex, and we met up that night and we ran to each other and hugged and kissed and confessed to each other that we missed each other, i told him that i needed a place to stay that if it was cool me staying at his parents, but he already has his own place. He said it was cool. So for the whole month of August he would come over and spend the night with me, but then the next morning he would leave fast and i hated that. He would also take me out to eat or took me out so i wouldnt be bored, but then one night he got so drunk and came over to sleep with me and he made a lot of noise and threw up in the rest room. His 32 year old sister lives at his parents too, and she told him that he couldnt sleep over because he makes a lot of noise. So i had to leave the house because i didnt wanted to create drama, so i left one weekend, and before i left i was telling my ex that i didnt wanna go but he didnt even tell me to stay or nothing he did look sad that i was leaving. I left the labor day weekend but then i visit his parents house and he was there. He was acting cool, and was still nice and touched me showed love to me, but the next day he acted weird like i was a stranger. It was driving me crazy!!!!. So last week i just found out that he started talking to another girl and that he already asked her out and wanted to get serious. I found out because of the girl, but he doesnt know that we talked. So i talked to him last week and told him i wanted a chance and he said no because i left him and that he was glad i left him because he wasnt happy. How can you go after 3 years that you werent happy!? He said we were always fighting. I asked him if his talking to another girl and he said no, but then i kep asking and asking, it took like 10 min for him to tell me the truth. I told him tell me now so i can start dating other guys and not wait for you! It hurts me so bad that i regret breaking up with him. But also i think it was good because of him i was always distanced from my family. I dont understand how ppl after serious relationship they can jump to another one in few weeks! It hurts because we went through a lot. We both been there for each other when we had to go to the hospital. We helped each other in college. Everything. But also i didnt trust him sometimes because when he would message on this phone he would always text with girls, and i would find pictures of girls in his phone. He was very sweet to me and respectful but also the opposite. He told me last week that we are both different ppl that we cant be together because of that. I was like after 3 years your saying that. I just hope by time i let go, because i feel like i am going to be single for a long decade like you !! :(((

    Dharmesh Radadiya

    Hello Edlin,

    Very serious problem you are suffering from right now according to me stop this relationship b’coz tht guy doesnt worry about you then why you worried about him.and if you will continue this relationship you will harm your self and it is very sad that you left your parents how can you did tht?How can you leave that paersons who let you see this wonderful world ,how can you leave your mother who bear lots of pain and gave birth to you,how can you forget your father who hold your hand in every situation and let you understand everything in world?it’s very bad that for that your love only you leave your home and your paretns.

    Just tell me one thing wht happen if your parents didnt accept you when you born?
    Had you any Identification of your self ans is definately NO!!!!!
    Wht happen if your parents left you when you borned?Can you ever felt the love of your mother-father NO!!!

    And one more thing when your parents came to you to get you back to home?why you denied them ?Have you ans of that.
    you gave that stranger guy three chance then Why u didnt give “ONLY ONE CHANCE TO YOUR PARENTS”.

    Look Chidrens are always worlds best persons in parents eyes when u borned your parents dreamed a lot for you that our daughter will be…etc
    wht you did? Had they ever think that our daughter will let us to see these days?NO!!!! b’coz parents are the only persons who can never think any bad for us.

    I doesn’t mean that love is curse but i meant to say everybody have rights to love the person to whom they choose for life but apart form that look at your family also what they want for you.

    Before you left your home if you have asked your parents for help the will definately helped you .

    Only one suggestion for you “Look to your Parents still there are so many Dreams for You in your Parents Eyes”
    Go back to your home and now it’s your time to give love to your family b’coz all parents had sacrificed all their love for you now it’s your time love them to forget that all wht u did against them”.

    Remember no body knows about last birth and no body will know about the next birth.
    You have this birth now so don’t hurt your Parents and Go Back to home And live Happilly.

    Future and Somebody waiting for you but as time moves you will find that all.

    Your Well Wisher.
    Dharmesh Radadiya.


    Hello Dharmesh,

    Thanks for your reply. Last week i left my ex’s parents house, so now i stay at my aunt’s house, sister of my dad, they are helping me out. I already talked to my parents and asked for forgiveness. I love my parents, they forgiven me for everything, and I put them through a lot with this relationship I had. I always wanted to be with my ex. I learned my lesson the hard way, to never disrespect my parents and to love them and show them everyday. Now i know on my next relatonship is important for my family to like him. I

    I am the oldest so they do expect a lot from me. Thats all i have right now my family.

    Everytime i wake up thinking about my ex and the new girl he is talking to. And also all the memories I made. I tried not to think about it but i just do. 🙁

    I also think that because my ex and I fell apart was because my bad relationship I had with my parents.

    When they came back to get me, I denied them because i still wanted to live with my ex. I didnt want to live with them because I DIDNT want to follow their rules. I was 20 back then and i think that i can do whatever i want. But i accept and know that while living at parents house, you cant do whatever, I have to respect the rules.


    Thank you Dharmesh

    Dharmesh Radadiya

    Hi Edlin,

    Thanks a lot for respecting my suggestion and dear friend i am very proud of you that you take my suggestion positively and you left your exs home and now you are with your family member they will definately help you to come out from this and pls never cry about these all.Just focus on your goal and if you achieve your goal luck will on your feet.

    I can say these all bocz i have also very hard past but i cnt explain you. Later i came to know that there are so many people here to help us out of it.but i didnt know that
    i learned from my self and now i am very happy with my life.

    Give me your e-mail id i will share with you about my life,what i had face in my life and wht i did to solve that all.

    Thanks Again.
    Dharmesh Radadiya.


    Hello Dharmesh,

    Yes i am getting better day by day, but still the thoughts about “what if” or “what could i have done differently” still haunts me. I learned now that if a guy wasnt happy with you to be stuck in a 3 year relationship then he just tagged a long because of the sex and the fun. Well my email is zarcoedlin@yahoo.com


    Reading your thread its like looking in my own mirror,
    Please move on and forget about your ex, You are very young and you have so much to look forward to, do not let this guy use u a and waste your time, Yes u will have regrets on what could have been, but it wasn’t to be, this guy was just playing mind games with u. Go back to your family and look after yourself, don’t worry about who is with, just count your luck that he is out of your life and hes found someone else so he can leave u alone. My ex was the same, we would break up and make up, I was drained, and on the point of breaking down, I use to be a bubbly person , my ex crushed my happiness with mind games and blames, I am now recovering and finding myself again, I was lost in an emmotionaly abusive relationship and kept blaming myself even though I could see he wasn’t even putting a 20% in the relationship., I kept finding excuses for him.

    Ending a relationship is never easy, give yourself time and you will be fine, spend time with your family, do something nice for yourself and u will see how quick you gonna get over him.

    All the best



    Thanks for your reply Bernadette.

    I am feeling better, i am trying to stay busy as much i can. Yes I am also a little glad he is gone because I let myself go, and I need some time to myself to think what i want in life.

    Right now I keep thinking i will never find someone like him of his sweet funny side. But right now my main concern is my family. They are so hurt. Do you think is just a rebound with that girl. I know I shouldnt worry but i can never get that thought out my head. What can i do to stop thinking about it

    Was a 3 year relationship wasted my time. Throught those years bad things happened to me, because i was just focusing on him. I got arrested, my GPA went low, my credit is messed up. :(((((


    I keep thinking the same that I will not find someone like him, that’s because we are so use to their crap and its become a habit, its just a low self esteem thing and no confidence that’s playing on the mind, im sure u are a very beautiful young lady and once you are over this situation you will meet someone whos gonna treat you with love and respect.
    Both my sisters are married to guys who don’t run away or break ups with them when they have a relationship problem, they stay and work things out and have been married for over a decade, I only meet guys who blames me for everything and messes up with my head. Honestly I want to take a break from dating and spend time with myself.

    Oh and that other girl your bf is seeing???, I have a feeling he is doing that to make u feel even lowest, he knows its gonna hurt when u find out, please don’t give a damn, its his business, u have your life to live..It sure is a rebound thing.He just needs to prove to everyone that he can pull other chicks and its an ego thing, good luck to them, cause it shows they never really cared about in the first place.
    the reason u are not out looking for a replacement says a lot in itself, cause u did give a damn about him… so count yourself lucky girl, cause if u had married this douche, surely it would have been worse than what u are feeling now, for me stuff like that are reason enough for me to never ever turn back, cause if u are with a guy and the minute u break up hes got another chick on their arms says a lot……..I would not walk I would run for my life.

    Anytime that me and my ex had broken up I have not seen or heard that hes seeing anyone else, we live like 1mile apart, same area. I wont put my life on it thou, cause some guys are very secretive, but no ones said anything to me tho, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that if he truly cared about me he would be there with me and not at his mums. My bf is not even 20, he is 45yrs old, surely he should be mature enough to sort out his life and not run to mum.

    Edlin, you need a guy who wants to work out problems with u, not run away from u, or break up with u, all relationships have problems, but its how u handle the problems, especially men should know better, cause they are the head of the household, so at least show maturity, it explains that some guys want to be in a relationship but they don’t want to handle problems that comes from being in a relationship, they make it too easy for them to just cut it loose and move to the next available candidate, im not saying all guys are like that, I think its an ego thing for some guys, its ike them saying, if u don’t put up with what the way things are I move to the next one, shes ok with it…. until the other one also kicks them out then they gonna keep going back and forth, cause honestly some guys are so big headed that they think women are just an object, use and discard when not in need. A few of my friends have the same problem with their men, Guys that just want to take take take, and the women who just gives gives, its so sad, and sometimes it makes u wonder, why be in a relationship in the first place???

    I wont give up hope when the time is right , cause I truly know there are some good man out there looking for a women to have a lovely relationship with.

    take care and hope you are better.


    Yeah your right, we are used to their crap and think that there the only guy in this world. And I always think about the good times we had and just say to myself how can he move on and forget about all that. But then i start to think all the bad things he has done that for who i became. He would always call me a little girl for crying when he would mistreat me. He would always say that i always start the fights, but not really he would be an ass and i would get upset and start arguing with him. He doesnt respect his mom so why would he respect me. His mom doesnt understand english or maybe she does, but when he would try to talk to him or get on his face he would tell her shut up nigga . I would tell him not to say that.

    Well i am the oldest one in my family, so i always look for love in the wrong places !!!!
    My parents or other ppl older than me tell me im too young to look for love, to just enjoy life. I feel like im getting old and by the time im in the middle of 20s there wont be someone.

    My ex, i think he already made her his girl. I dont know if he wanted me to feel low or hurt, because when i asked him if it was another girl he would avoid the question and asked “why im doing this to myself, regardless if its a girl or not, that i shouldn’t worry about it.” Your right would of been worse if married, or if i had a baby with him!
    Once he told me he is talking to another girl, i ran!!! i stopped communication! He told me i can still text him but fuck that. He told me its best if i dont text him so i can move on.

    Hopefully one day ill find a guy that never walks away from problems. My ex always walked away and turn his back on me and would leave me upset. I got tired of it. Or we would be mad, but i would stay mad more because we never solve the problem and he would just continue like nothing happened and he would try to cheer me up. I would tell him we need to solve the problem so it wont happen again and he would just get mad and stop cheering me up! He always wanted his way!!!!

    And i remember he told me that if i cant put up with him or the way he would treat me, then i should leave him. And i would tell him that is not the correct way to treat a girl, and he said he dont care that is the way he will be with the next girl. I told him she will get tired of it and cheat on you, and he said he would cheat backk! That is not healthy, but why should i care.

    There are some good men out there, i would just have to wait!
    Thanks for replying B, I hope your feeling better



    Reading your last mail reminds me so much of how my ex use to treat me, he would say exactly the same things to me, looking back he was making it as if hes the only man on this planet, and stupid of me for staying with him for so long…

    Yes u are far too young to be in these kind of relationship, you should be out there enjoying your life, not thinking about that ex. Good luck to this new girl, im sure she will eventually see what kind of guy he is, now everything is new he will be on his best behavior, she will soon find out…

    Which reminds me when I met my now Ex…. he was so sweet and kind, after a few weeks of dating I met his ex wife in town, shes someone I know, we talked and she told me why she left my ex after 10yrs of marriage, I didn’t believe her then, but after some months, that lady was soooo right, he started to show his true colours, and everything fell into place, honestly I thought he would change, little did I know I was the one who was gonna change to try and adapt myself to his ways. I just made myself so unhappy and my personality changed too, I became, argumentative, naggin all the time cause of things he wasn’t doing to help me, Just like what u said, I was blaming myself big time, I thought the problem was with me, but families and people who are close to me could see he was the problem…
    Its a good thing you have stopped textin , hes not worth it and dont waste your time and calls on him, when things are like this he will do his best to upset u every way he can, guys like that don’t even care, u said he aint no respect for him own mother, that’s crazy, move on girl, plz.

    from what u said in your mail, he sounds very childish too, if someones cheat on him he cheats on them back? that’s madness, shows hes very immature. If I were u I would concentrate on my studies, family, friends, please don’t hang around with his family, it will not help u to move on, keep around your own family, its a good thing not to have any contact, u will just be stuck with bad feelings and guys like this will take every opportunity to crush u down..


    I was stupid for staying long too, i should of moved on when he broke up with me the first time, but now i know and i can apply it to the next relationship i have.

    Yes my family and friends tell me i shouldnt be worried and staying on that kind of relationship cause im not even married to the guy. I always knew i love him more than he does, we were not on the same level, but i dont understand why they stay for so long, my guy friends tell me that he stayed because of the sex and fun.

    Im sure he will be on his best behavior since he learned a lot with me!

    I also talked to the new girl he is dating, somehow his information transfer to my phone. Since we have IPHONES and we sync our phones to ITUNES. So i had his contacts and he has mine. When i update my phone to the new version IOS7, my phone was like two phones, my number and his number, and thats when i started to receive her messages and his messages . I was watching their conversation, with IPHONES you can see a lot and do a lot haha. So i called her and talked to her for two hours and i explained to her why we broke up. I just told her to watch out, and i was very mature and respectful to her and she was as well.
    She also told me the way my ex was to me before she was like that too, like getting caught doing things and then denying them and calling their partner insecure, she said she was like that to her ex partner, and that now she is serious and will not play games with my ex. Oh and i know her, i went to high school with her had a class with her, but never kept in contact. World is small.

    Me too!! I adapt myself to his ways. He would tell me to shut up and i would shut up. He always told me go get this and that and i would do it. I at the end would get tired of fighting and he would have his way and i became unhappy and i changed too, i was not the same girl he met in the beginning, i would nagg all the time. I would always see him catching him texting girls and he would get caught, so i had trust issues but i still stick by his side instead of leaving him. My family and friends would always see he was the problem as well.

    Im proud i havent contact with him, is pointless now. He is childish ! he would say i was the one childish. My aunt tells me that too, to not hang out with his family. His sister got close to me and she is till texting me that she wants to hangout, his sister is 32, the one living at his parents house. His mom still calls me to see how im doing. And also his brothers baby mama is still texting me to hangout. I would feel bad if i dont accept their invitation. But i have to move on.

    Guys are douchebags. Have you ever been married?


    Edlin, For real some guys are douchebags, mind you there are good guys out there who respects women, my sisters are married to guys who make them feel special, Yes I was married, my ex husband a controlling type of man, he was a lot older then me, he made me feel like his little girl, I was walking on egg shells with him, took great courage to end my marriage, I had enough of being abused.

    Reading all your post seems we having similar problems and react in same ways, I was running around trying to find info on my boyfriend too, my friends was tired of hearing the negatives of my relationship, I was always complaining to people about him, yet most of them wondered why I stayed for so long…I guess I havea this fear of being alone and keep thinking I should be lucky he is with me, I think its a self esteem problem. I don’t believe when my friends tell me I can do better, I cant even remember how many times weve broken up, my sons had enough and sometimes he tells me bluntly that I need to sort myself out and to stop letting my ex walk all over me,
    Its really sad when u think of it now, when we should have ended this thing ages ago, oh well, everything happens for a reason.I hope and pray I learn from it and to be wiser next time.
    About your situation regarding talking to this new girl, it wont do you any good to know what they are upto, if I was u I would just cut all ties with them both, delete them from your fone, trust me it will help youto recover from these events, knowing what they are upto is not gonna help u move on, its their business and just leave it, don’t cuss down your ex with that girl, leave it and she will soon find out, u know people rarely change unless they really want to, he will be on his best behavior to her now, wait a little while and that girl will see who shes really with, the good thing is some women don’t wait around for long, they cut them loose as soon as they start messing up.so please just don’t keep in touch with this new girl, she will also think u are jealous of their new relationship, she might be nice to u over the fone but know that she is with him now,
    The reason im saying that is, when my bf ex wife had a chat with me about why she broke up with my bf, I thought she was just jealous of our relationship cause hes found me and we were happy, few months down the line I found out she was so right. His true self was coming out.

    Just delete their numbers and start looking after yourself and stop worrying what hes upto with that girl, spend time with your mum, go shopping, I bought myself a nice outfit yesterday and im gonna go out this weekend, I haven’t been out in nearly 4yrs…lol..and im going to have my hair done on Saturday.
    Before I met my ex, I use to be happy and was enjoying my life so much, all the problems of the relationship has weighed me down and I lost interest in everything, I want to slowly start to look for the person that I was before I met him.
    U are very young and u have so much to look forward to, don’t waste anymore of your time on this loser. Everything happens for a reason, im 100% sure u will meet someone soon whos gonna treat u with love and respect u truly deserve. leave those two alone and put all your energy into being the great person that u once was before u met your ex. don’t let him get the benefit of thinking you are so miserable and cant live without him while he is out there enjoying himself. do what u have to do for yourself, don’t worry about him, we cant change the past but we can build on our future, im slowly rebuilding mine, coming on this website has helped me a lot, its helped me to see life in a different way, don’t count the 3yrs with your ex as wasted, just count it as an experience, I feel like this sometimes 2, I was with him for 5yrs, there were more downs then ups in the relationship.
    Maybe when u feel like it, sit down and have a heart to heart with your mum, I have a daughter too, we are best friends, im sure your mum can give u loads of advice, spend time with her, If u need to talk, im here and I undersand what u are going thru.

    Take care



    Wow, im sorry to hear about your ex husband mistreating you like that, but glad that you got out of that and survived. I know there are good men out there, but i choose the wrong ones.

    When meeting someone and you would like to be more than friends, is it okay to jump in a relationship or be friends first build a friendship take it slow and then be more than friends. I learned to take it slow from now on. It all depend how old the person is right.

    Yes we do have similar problems, and this website really helps me and cheers me up to know were not alone to be going through this. My own best friend got tired of all the negative of my relationship with my ex, she would always tell me that he is not good to me and that she sees it but that im blind. I stopped hanging around my friends, because of him. I would always complain and cry to one of my guy friends about my ex. My friends would get mad when i talk about him.

    And yes your right, my family and friends tell me to not see it as a wait, that it was about time i let him go and that it worked as an experience for me, and to not let it happen again, and to always listen to my family and obey their rules.

    I finally realized that there more downs than ups too, now i know the reason i left him and why he never left me, because i always did everything and try make everything happen and he didnt have to put work in. He always had free sex with me no need to struggle for it. The fighting always happened because he wasnt feeling the same way, i wasnt very important for him to care to see me always happy.

    I stopped communication with both of them since that day, and i went to my settings on my phone to set it up as not receiving the messages my ex is receiving.
    I left them alone. Thats true people change unless they really want to, ha but my ex is not never going to change i know how he is. Yeah and she seems like a girl, if the guy messes up she will leave. I think she was jealous about me, because i told her that i was with him for 3 years, so now maybe shes thinking she gotta compete, she was telling me things like he wants to meet her mom and he has been to her moms house but that they never had sex. I told her to just watch out, and to be good to him.

    Right now i am just spending time with my family and also with my mom. She is awesome. That is nice! I hope you have lot of fun! lol. I was having fun also before i met my ex, with no worries, i was a good girl always listening to my parents. But this relationship brought me down too problems with family friends school ugh! Yes i am focusing on myself i want to work hard to get a better car trade it and get my own place and graduate as soon as i can from college. And i want to make my parents proud. I dont want to fail because they came from mexico to give us a bright future and i dont want to waste just for a guy. Now i see why things happen for a reason.

    Thanks for been there. And i am here to listen too! And really proud you are moving on! Do not waste time on your ex either. Only time will tell!


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