May 7, 2013 at 4:41 pm #35227
On April 4th I had some very acute abdominal pains and had seen three doctors the 4th, 5th and 6th and was diagnosed with gastritis. I now know that it may be ulcers
or something else. I have an endoscopy scheduled for this coming friday. I have been very scared that something could be chronically wrong that I may not be able to fix.
i am so worried that my life with be for ever changed. I am 23 years old and I was an avid marijuana smoker for about 4 years. My parents were drug addicts and left me with other family members to go on the “run” from police when i was about 16. My father is currently in prison and my mother was in prison in las vegas for methamphetamine possession and other crimes. My mom is now back and trying to just be sober while building a life for herself. I find I dont have many coping skills because I wasnt taught any when I was growing up. I am worried that I've done damage to my body from marijuana, drinking and not dealing with my issues with my mother.
I also begin to worry about cervical cancer, throat cancer or lung cancer. I was pretty sexually promiscuous after my parents left because I think it filled some type of void and made me feel “loved”. I regret this and have had HPV tests and my doctors have listened to my lungs and say I am okay in those areas.
I feel that fear of developing something is paralyzing me and one day this past month for the first time ever I felt suicidal. It really scared me to think I could take my own life, the ONE life I have. I do not want to cause others pain but I am just so fearful. I am in counseling now and have antianxiety medication.
I overall just want to feel happy again, I remember being happy as a child and even when my mother was gone but now it is hard to do daily things without anxiety of health issues or anger towards my mother.
I realize nothing is permanent, but I feel my issues are plaguing me permanently. I need advice and strength. I hope to learn something from my experiences and help others one day but it is hard to love myself right now. I also have developed horrible nightmares the past couple of weeks. I do not smoke anymore or drink so I wish I could stop these dreams, I will wake up from them, try to watch funny TV to distract but then I fall back into the dream…
I know that happy people who have cancer have a better chance of survival than negative people.. I just want to be happy for my body and for me.
THANK YOU FOR LISTENING, I DO FEEL ALONE SOMETIMES.May 7, 2013 at 9:33 pm #35239
It is great that you are in counseling and taking steps to take care of yourself. It sounds like you've been through a lot, and it's easy to get scared in life.
I could tell you not to worry, that you are young and you are being too hard on yourself, but that might not stop you from being worried.
Do you have a yoga or meditation practice? Or at least regular exercise? It's incredible what transformations can happen in our minds when we start moving our bodies a bit more.
Do you have mentors you can talk to? If not, I would recommend finding some elders whom you trust to talk to.
I would also recommend reading books by Pema Chodron, Thich Nhat Hanh, and the Dalai Lama to give you the strength and tools to deal with your struggles.
As for the gastritis, that is not such a tragic diagnosis, though I understand how scary it can be to feel pain and not know why.
Do you eat mostly fresh vegetables, a few fruits, a little bit of organic meat, and occasional grains? This would be the ideal diet to keep you healthy. Avoid all processed foods, including sugar, white flour, and pre-packaged meals. Also avoid dairy as much as possible, and eat lots of leafy green vegetables like kale, spinach, and chard to give you your daily dose of calcium and other nutrients.
If there is an acupuncturist or community acupuncture clinic in your area I think it could do you a world of good. Acupuncture helps balance your body and mind so you can live a vibrant life.
I hope this helps! Good luck, and keep me posted how it goes!
-KaterinaMay 8, 2013 at 7:58 am #35256
The most helpful thing I learned from my own difficult childhood was that other people's words and behavior are theirs, they have nothing to do with me. It is a message I write about and one that helped me turn my life around. Take some time to go inside and get to know yourself, you will find that you are strong and fears are only thoughts. Perhaps you don't realize yet that thoughts can be changed – you can replace them with more positive ones.
Love and peace,
MarilynMay 8, 2013 at 10:33 am #35263
I agree with Katerina and Marilyn, and you should take a look at Marilyn´s website, in it she has a lot of great information that may help you, as it has to do with the spirit. I recommend it for you.
I can´t tell you that everything will be fine, because no one knows. But what I may tell you is that worrying will get you nowhere. You need to learn from life and your mistakes, and promise to yourself that you will learn from it, and to move forward in life, in a more positive way. I am an Anxiety Psychotherapist, and I believe what you may have is an Anxiety Disorder, and definitely keep with your meds… how long have you been taking them? You should seek a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, specialized in Anxiety Disorders. A diagnosis of your anxiety will help to know your treatment approach.
You may want to learn some Energy Psychology, and for it, you should read about EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and Emotrance… you may find them at http://www.emotrance.com and http://www.emofree.com , also, you should take a look at my website, I have developed an Energy Psychology approach, called HandLink Technique… You may download the manual completely free, just signing up, or tweeting about it… you may find it at http:sightforsoreeyes.net and last but not least… check Marilyn´s website.
I hope it helps… and don´t despair, you may find help and information here, with this great forum and people…
Carlos.May 8, 2013 at 6:04 pm #35298
I am new to taking anxiety medication as well as starting to deal with obstacles. -Which i am learning to look at as lessons. I greatly appreciate all three of you reaching out to me, I felt overwhelmed with tears to see that others can see how to move forward because sometimes i feel blind to my path. I will definitely look at all of the links you've recommended and practices. Carlos, Energy psych is a new term which is a little exciting to me to start to learn about. And emotional freedom technique sounds like something that will help me, i will practice these things ive promised myself, just like ive practiced negative things over the last 23 years of my life. Katerina I have definitely changed my diet and I am reassured to hear that diet can help with mood, thank you! Marilyn, i think self love will be the key to starting to change my life. Thank you my helpers! I am listening to a podcast by tara brach right now, which I realize… Is me not fully living in the tara brach listening moment because I'm also on this website. I am noticing these things about myself and I am excited for the day I feel fully mindful and in the moment.