Hi S.

I told myself I wasn’t going to post on this site again for personal reasons but I felt the need to read tonight for some odd/strong reason. Maybe it was the universe guiding me to help you and give you some input. Anyway, moving on… So here it goes.

I believe in your case you two definitely need to communicate thoroughly about your expectations in life and for the future for that matter. Maybe a walk in the park or a picnic in the park will be comfortable and relaxing for the two of you, to express to each other what is important to you two. Express what you love/like about him and all his attributes and then discuss what bothers you about him, that you two can work on together to make your relationship stronger and so much better. Couples that are successful in marriages/relationships have a deep understanding of communication and each others needs because they truly love and care about one another. That is why their relationships thrive to last. Most call marriages/relationships work but when you love deeply love someone, it’s more like a labor of love. You don’t really realize that it’s work when two people are on the same page and want to be together and want to make it last.

When you are ready to have a wedding, start planning together (that is the fun part). Enjoy your lives together after your marriage for awhile and when you two are ready to plan another big life event, which is to conceive a baby together, then start that journey together too. Before all that though, talk about how you two wish to raise your child together. Schools, values, morals and whatever else you two feel is important in regards to the life you wish to give your child together. Also to remember that when you two have a baby, to always have your alone time together as that is very important too. I always told myself, that when I get married and have a baby with my wife, that I would devote myself to making sure that our romance stays alive and that I would definitely work extra hard to make sure on my end, that my wife knows how valuable our love and our marriage is. If you feel that you are too old as far as conceiving due to age, you can still have your own baby biologically via-surrogate with your eggs. It’s a lot more affordable now and I’m sure your partner wouldn’t mind saving up or taking out a loan to make that happen. Believe me, there are a lot of options. Or you can still take the chance and carry the baby.

Now, how much you love him or not I cannot answer that because I don’t live inside your heart of emotions. There is no such thing as the perfect partner but if you feel that you are no longer happy with him, then it’s time to have a personal discussion with yourself about what it is that you want out of life. I have loved and still love the same woman for almost 7 years (This coming September will make it 7 years officially). I don’t look for love, although I am definitely a person who will look for answers to the best of my ability in regards to an on-going love relationship. My point is – Is that I haven’t loved and or fallen in love with anybody else since then, dated or had sex with another woman either. I’m not and never have been physically desperate for sex, so I am grateful for that, I’ve been saving myself for the one I will eventually marry. I trust the universe and what it wants for me romantically, with also knowing that we have the power to make decisions in the love department on what we truly want to happen.

I 100% agree with you on not wanting to waste time either because time is something we can never get back. So therefore we have to make the most of our time and get busy living and loving on what we feel is most valuable to us. If you want more spice in your life in the bedroom, then maybe you two can brainstorm ideas on how to make that happen.

Hi Sassypants,

I could relate a lot to what you wrote. I crave excitement also, and struggle to not get bored in relationships. I also seem to get bored with friendships as well. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that I’m in the wrong “lane” in life. I don’t belong in the traditional lane, but that’s the one I’ve been dragging myself down for years. Why? I was too afraid to make a change, to be judged, to let people down. I’m slowly starting to change that though. Anyway, back to you.

People will tell you that every relationship eventually falls into routine and habit. When they get to that point, I want to bolt. Everyone will tell you that love is more important than sex, but in my opinion passion trumps everything. If you don’t feel passion in your relationship EVER, and that is important to you, then you need to move on. I’m in my early 30s, and realizing I need passion in my relationship. That is what is important to me now, and I feel like I am worth the effort and pain of change to welcome that into my life again.

It’s possible that you will date a few more men over the years before finally “settling” on one that doesn’t give you that passionate feeling. Maybe by then you will have a different set of needs that you can’t anticipate now that another man will satisfy. You have to ask yourself if it’s really worth it to stay with this man and potentially end up resenting him down the road because you feel restricted by the relationship. That’s what it always comes down to for me: I don’t want to resent anyone. I would rather be honest and upfront and go our separate ways to preserve the good stuff in the relationship to hopefully end up friends rather than enemies. Time will show you what is best, but don’t wait too long and always listen to your gut. I hope you find a way that is best for you soon. Good luck!