hello all,

I am severely stuck and i need help. My ex (fiance) and i were in a relationship for almost 9 years. we had broken up around the 2 year mark due to my actions, in which i had fully admitted and fixed. from there, we got back together and had a child together shortly after. We were so happy and great together for about 2-3 years, i even proposed to her. Then it started going down hill. she didn’t know boundaries with friends. I tried giving her as much freedom and space as she wanted, by staying at home with the little one while she went “out”. When is say out, i do not mean partying, but out with friends, helping siblings with things, getting her nails, hair done, etc.  she started talking to guys behind my back, in which almost seemed like an emotional relationship. from the parts ive read of their convo’s, she was stating that nothing would come between them and i could either accept it or move on… i called her out on it, she apologized and that was that. then it happened again, with another guy, same outcome. Then she traveled for work 1 time. while she was traveling, she was all gitty about a guy that works down there she met. and that she is trying to get a flight back down there to see him (from what her friend told me) and they talked about taking “pictures” and sending them to her friend. from there, it went down hill and fast. we both weren’t happy, but i was still fighting for us. She said that it was just “girl talk” between her and her girlfriend, and that i had nothing to worry about. Being as naive as i am, i trusted her and moved forward. not even 1 month later, she is talking with a bartender she met at the local VFW. i asked about him, as i do let her have guy friends, and she freaked out. 2 days later, she told me she needs time away from me.

That was on a Friday. I came home on that sunday to change for a sports game that i was going to with my buddies, and there he was, the bartender in my house. they both freaked out and he went out the back. She said that nothing happened, and in all honestly, knowing my ex fiance, i do believe her as she has never cheated and i dont think she has it in her to cheat, talk with guys, yes but not cheating.

that was the last straw with me. i moved out and i was over it, over being played, over the lies and the lack of trust, over it all, but we have a little guy in the picture now, so i cant exactly cut her out of my life.

Its been 3 months and i have met an amazing woman. we are so much alike and she thinks the world of me. Mind you, my ex was drop dead gorgeous but we always argued. This new woman is very beautiful but in her own way. Looks dont matter all that much to me, but i am still stuck. My ex and i are finally on common grounds with eachother and im feeling that spark again, and i know she is too. i dont think its fair to this new girl, as she is just amazing. Part of me is asking myself “if we get back together, what is really going to change? when is the next time we will break up?” but the other part is that i have such a good woman right in front of me. i dont know what to do. and i dont want any regrets. one of my biggest goals in life was to not be an every other weekend dad. and sometimes i feel like i am playing the mother and father role, while she is out every weekend living her new single life. but at the same sense, this new woman is so accepting that i have a child and she cannot wait to meet him.

I need advice. Should i move forward with this new one? there is a lot of other things about my ex that i did not list, as you would be reading for hours. but in the same sense, i cannot get my mind off of her lately. and we are finally communicating like adults. ive told her that she needed to change in order for me to even consider being with her again, and she was going down the wrong path for some time, but now it seems like she is on the up and up… keep in mind, we were so good together. friends loved us together, acquaintances knew of us already and people referred to us as a power couple.. i just dont know what to do. and i do not want to start over as we had built a life together.

Thank you,