So, I guess I should start from the beginning.

I am working in Japan at the moment. My friend invited my to her house for New Years and she fell for me. However my previous experiences with relationships told me that I shouldnt do long distance but I fell for her too. We talked everyday for 4 months constantly texting through the day. She told me about how a guy liked her but she could never date him because he believes the first girl he dates is the one. I continued to work and talked to her. Nothing made me happier than waking up in the morning and seeing her messages. I was really happy with this I dont know why. She was to come back to Japan in April and she did. So right when she came back I took her out on a date and we had a really great time. She got me deathly sick but then she told me that she fell for another guy. She said that just texting couldnt keep her feelings strong enough and right before she came back to Japan she went to San Francisco with him and ended up making out with the guy. I was pretty devestated but I decided we were officially dating and I could forgive it. However when I got sick she kept making excuses why she couldnt visit me.

I found out last friday the guy had been calling her telling her that he will come visit her and she told me the truth and was honest with me. I respected that but at the same time I didnt know what to do. I asked her who do you like more and she said I like you both. She said but I think I like him more. And at that moment I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I waited for 4 months, telling every or any girl that I had someone special I was waiting for. I know you cant control feelings but I just felt used. I felt like I wasnt good enough. So I told her I really care about you but I cant date someone who likes someone else. So go. And it hurt, I wanted to stay with her but I felt like I would just be stabbing myself. I waited for so long, a part of me wanted to know what happens if I tried to win her over. However A part of me knew you can`t make someone like you. So I said see you around, and we parted ways.

So forwarding to now Im still sick because of her, I feel lonely, I really miss our chats, I just I really miss her. I hope I did the right thing. I really do, yeah I guess Im angry but I want to just move on. I want to get on with life, I want to just move on. Let go but its so difficult it really has been effecting my work. Its really hard to get out and meet people since I live in the countryside and dont have a car. I really want to get used to solitude but its just lonely. I dont want to feel like I made a mistake, I want to feel like I did the right thing. Thats she is happy with this guy and its not because I wasnt good enough but because timing sucks. However Its so hard to think like that. Someone just help me. Anything. I can`t let this effect me.