Home→Forums→Relationships→A friendship puzzle I'd appreciate help understanding
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May 20, 2016 at 4:17 pm #105213
VesperParticipantDear Anita.
I went back and reread your prior message and realized I didn’t fully answer your questions there. You asked why I wanted to know about your experiences and what specifically I wanted to know. You also asked if I wanted you to share in order that I could trust you more.
I asked you to share because I am interested in you, and wanted to give you a chance to speak your truth for a change. You do so much listening and offering advice to others and I think it must get tiring to be always absorbing, absorbing, absorbing, so much negativity. I remembered from another post of yours that you and your mother had a difficult relationship, and before I spilled a bunch of “mom” stuff, I sought to understand how it might impact you. When you said my prior story left you with raw emotion, I wasn’t sure you really wanted to read any more.
As for trust, you’ve made me feel quite comfortable and my reticence in sharing is only out of shame for my mother, and of course the sadness of seeing it all in undeniable black and white. I think for now we should end things on a high note for the weekend. What do you say to that?
I would just like to thank you for being you. I also want to thank you for all the wonderful, kind and genuine things you said to me and about me and for really seeing me in a way few people do. You have a true gift of insight and understanding – and you use that gift to help so selflessly. You are a beautiful person. Being in touch with you finally has been the highlight of my week.
So Happy Friday to you Anita! I hope you have a wonderful weekend. I am not on the computer as much on weekends so if you don’t get an immediate response, rest assured I will be back. I hope wherever you are the sun is shining and you are at peace. Hugs! 🙂
May 20, 2016 at 7:33 pm #105222
AnonymousGuestDear Vesper:
This is something I’d do: realize I didn’t answer a question and do so later. I like it that you did it. Thank you for answering. I am okay with sharing with you about my mother, what happened. I feel comfortable sharing with you. I have very few memories, really but I have a few. And I am very okay with you sharing about your mother. But some other time, as you wrote, this is the weekend and I like your high note attitude.
So have a good weekend. I must say I like you very much and am smiling as I type this very sentence. Next week, when you are ready, if you want to, post again and we’ll talk then.
Hugs to you too!
anita
May 20, 2016 at 7:34 pm #105223AnonymousGuestOh, and thank you for the kind things you wrote about me!!!
anitaMay 24, 2016 at 2:03 pm #105518VesperParticipantAnita,
Just wanted to wish you a happy Tuesday and thank you again for your fellowship last week. I want to return to our conversation, but I’ve had a little life-hiccup this week that’s going to keep me away from the keyboard a bit more than usual. Just wanted you to know you’re in my thoughts. 🙂
May 24, 2016 at 3:23 pm #105523AnonymousGuestDear Vesper:
Happy Tuesday to you. How kind of you to drop in and say hello. You’re in my thoughts too!
anitaJune 5, 2016 at 6:21 pm #106590VesperParticipantAnita,
Hello and how are you? You’ve been in my thoughts and I hope you’re having a wonderful weekend. I have a minor update on Vegas Fiend. She has given notice at work and will be gone by the end of this coming week. I just thought you’d like to know that issue sought it’s own conclusion.
However, I’m sure we can find other things to discuss and I would very much like to stay in touch with you. Hugs! 🙂June 5, 2016 at 6:43 pm #106593AnonymousGuestDear Vesper:
I am glad you adopted the term fiend instead of friend and good she will be moving on.
And glad to read from you, thought about you too. Sure we can find other things to discuss and stay in touch. Hugs to you too!!!
The experience with the fiend, it has lessons to teach. Did we learn all there is to learn from it?
anita
October 2, 2019 at 2:30 pm #315627VesperParticipantAnita,
Just wanted to say hello to you. I’ve been away for a long time and upon returning I see another poster is using my same screen name. I’m not sure how that is able to happen, but I will likely change mine rather than make a fuss. I hope you are well. I wanted to thank you for the advice you’ve given me in the past. Happy Wednesday. How have you been?
October 2, 2019 at 2:50 pm #315629AnonymousGuestDear Vesper:
I’ve been fine, thank you. I see why you’d be distressed over seeing your name being used by another member. It happened to me too and I was distressed over it myself. What I learned when I inquired about it is that each member has his or her own username, one that no other member can use, but in addition to that unique username, each members chooses a second name that is not unique to the member. So your username is not Vesper, Vesper is your secondary name (there is tech term for that secondary name, I don’t know what it is, and I am a member here, not an employee or anything but a member.
I suppose one way to solve the problem is for you to register as a member under a different email and this time use a secondary name that is unlikely to be used by anyone else, or just let some time pass. The great majority of members don’t post many times, sometimes once only, sometimes twice and in a day or two you will not see your secondary name used by someone else anymore, or very unlikely.
What do you think?
(I will be back to the computer in a couple of hours).
anita
October 2, 2019 at 4:06 pm #315641AnonymousGuestDear Vesper:
I wasn’t very focused when I posted to you above. You don’t have to register again with a new username and then choose a different (what I referred to as) secondary name- a “screen name”, is it?
You can keep your current account here and change your screen name. I remember other members did that, many did over the years. It takes a couple of days for the new screen name to take. Choose a screen name that is not likely to be picked by others.
Regardless, I will not confuse you with any other member (I click screen names to check history). I hope you feel better about this and post again anytime.
anita
October 2, 2019 at 4:25 pm #315643VesperParticipantAnita,
Thank you for your response. I see what you’re saying about the screen name, but I’ve decided to keep it as-is and instead add a picture to my profile for flair! 🙂 Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, no? I think I was just surprised someone else came up with the same name. One of my favorite things to do this time of year is to wake early, make coffee and sit in the living room listening to the Vespers Mass by Rachmaninoff while the sun rises. It is the only time of the day I am completely free without any other demands on my time or energy. In those moments I feel calm and powerful. And then my day begins and “poof” I return to being a pumpkin. 😉
October 2, 2019 at 4:39 pm #315645AnonymousGuestDear Vesper:
I like the photo- a candle in the dark, I can almost feel its warmth against my hand. Waking up early, drinking coffee reads like a good time, and it is what I do every morning! I want to google Vespers Mass, tomorrow. From being “completely free” to pumpkin- I wonder if there is a middle way, going through a busy day but with calm nonetheless. And you are welcome, good to read from you anytime.
anita
October 2, 2019 at 4:57 pm #315649VesperParticipantI don’t know if it is okay for me to post this here, but here is the recording I have. Hope it works.
And yes, I need to find some balance in my life. There are reasons I’ve been away – and I’m happy to share, but I don’t know if this old thread is the appropriate place to discuss it. For now, coffee and quiet time are getting me through. I’m glad you found the same refuge!
October 2, 2019 at 5:01 pm #315651AnonymousGuestDear Vesper:
You can start a new thread if you want. I will look into the Vespers Mass tomorrow morning with my coffee!
anita
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