A soul connection is hard to find…

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    Too many people give up on love nowadays. Too many decide to separate because they ‘fell out of love’. Too many people think lightly of divorce, and don’t even try to fix things before taking drastic measures. I’m not saying there are no right reasons for divorce – but you get my point.

    I think it’s silly when someone asks: ‘Do I still love him/her?’

    Love to me is not something that is either there or not there. It’s not something that could be there 2 weeks ago and suddenly disappear. Love is.. A decision. Every day when you wake up in the morning, and just before you close your eyes to sleep, decide on loving the other person. To me, love is a verb.. relationship should be a team effort. I think that kind of love is beautiful.

    I guess the hard part has always been to find someone else who grasps the idea that it’s a team effort and is willing to put in the effort it takes, for a lifetime – that’s a long time! Too often do I meet men who are in it for the ‘now’ or for the ‘2-3 years from now’. Me, I like to think about being old with no one but each other. Maybe we’d even be frail and sickly, but we’d be content in the lives that we have led. I don’t even care what he looks like. Looks fade. I don’t want another shallow eye candy.

    I want to put up with the good and the bad, all the excitement and the mundane, their redeeming qualities and annoying little quirks.. I wish to find a person who will do the same for me. I’m already looking forward to loving him with everything I have.

    Someone who I can trust will make the decision to love me every day. Because that’s what I’ll do, for him. I guess it’d be too cheesy to say I want ‘a kindred soul’.

    Sometimes I feel like I’m way older than I really am at 23. I’m always hopeful that maybe I’ll eventually find ‘him’. Going in and out of bad relationships makes me think that maybe.. I never will. Is it better to be miserable in your lonely existence, or together with someone who makes you miserable? Is it better to stare at the ceiling of your bedroom alone wondering if you’ll ever find that someone you can love. Or is it better to lay in a half-hearted cuddle after some meaningless sex with someone you can barely stand anymore. I can’t decide.

    Some people will tell me I should be content with being alone and learn to love myself instead of depending on other people, but.. I feel that I have so much love to give. I want to love.

    Looking at the way some people are sometimes I feel like expecting monogamy in this day and age is unrealistic. But I look at my parents and I look at my friends who has it, and with a pang of envy I refuse to disbelieve.

    I think the most valuable thing in the world is… Time. It’s the most precious thing you can give to someone, don’t you think? If you love someone, you spend your time with them, when you can. And if there’s none then you make some. A lot of people try to compensate for the lack of quality time they can provide with money.

    Money doesn’t make me happy. Of course with money I can afford to do the things that makes me happy – like traveling. But everyone else around me is too busy chasing infinite money all the way to their death beds or until inevitably their regret for lost time caught up with them. Where’s the fun in traveling alone?

    I’m not saying that I’ll scoff at every shiny unnecessary luxuries, but I know it’s a tertiary need. Some people make it seem like that’s all they live for!

    You always think you have time .. until you realize you don’t have much left.

    Anyway.. Off to bed I guess?

    Good night.


    Dear Soopy:

    It reads to me that you have all the answers to the important life questions. At 23, this is very impressive to me. So, no wonder you didn’t ask questions here, except for:

    “Is it better to be miserable in your lonely existence, or together with someone who makes you miserable?

    Is it better to stare at the ceiling of your bedroom alone wondering if you’ll ever find that someone you can love. Or is it better to lay in a half-hearted cuddle after some meaningless sex with someone you can barely stand anymore”- questions I think you asked yourself, not others.

    You ended your beautifully articulated post with “Off to bed I guess? Good night.”- and if you went to bed alone, I guess you answered your own questions.



    * didn’t submit correctly…


    Hi Soopy,

    Just letting you know that there are others out and about who have similar views to you on love. I think creating and cultivating love in a relationship is a masterpiece in progress, which certainly requires intention and time.  I’ve recently re-entered the dating pool and many of the women I’ve met have a passive view of romance where they are waiting for love to happen to them, instead of actively creating something deep, intimate, and lasting. I think they will wait the rest of their lives. Hang in there, you aren’t alone.



    I dont believe in souls and especially not soul connections but to me what you wrote was very rational and reasonable and had nothing to do with that. In fact I would love to find a woman with exactly this attitude. I would even make an exception and date someone that young if they were that wise (I am 30).

    I especially like the part that love is a choice. In my last relationship I loved her as much as ever right to the end, no matter how she treated me because I had made the commitment to love her forever. I didnt see it as some fleeting mythical creature. I made the decision long ago to love her and therefore stopping was never an option.

    Then all of a sudden she didnt love me anymore. It was a long time in the works but she never communicated so to me it happened in an instant. I was furious and still am nearly 8 months later because I dont understand how someone can just let such a great love die like that. The way I see things she made a decision to stop loving me and that is what I havent forgiven her for yet.


    Dear Soopy,


    “A soul connection is hard to find…” That is true! And there are many couples, who do not share that bond. When they realize that and get a divorce, it is for the benefit for both of them! 🙂



    You are so wise at the age of 23 and I believe one can find his/her soul mate.  I wonder if the problem is not the option of divorce, but the low barrier to entering marriage.   Perhaps there should be prerequisite course 1. getting to know oneself first and 2. meaningful 6-12 month couples’ pre-marriage course.  It’s getting better, but there is so much fanfare around weddings. Isn’t the average amount couples spend on weddings $35,000?   Couples are sold a fantasy. Certainly many women fall in love with the wedding process.

    Soopy, you are onto something, but are you around the right people?  Or, are you shopping for ice cream in a hardware store?  Perhaps look for professions, charitable organizations, houses of worship where people live a lifestyle that matches your views– professions where serving others based on love and deep caring for others will expose you potential mates who serve and share the same priorities.  Just a thought.




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