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A very confused 18 year old

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Ruben 6 years, 10 months ago.

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  • #35738

    deanna
    Participant

    Hello everyone

    I am about to graduate from high school. I am very very confused and frustrated. So here below, I have to tell a long story.

    Ever since I was five, I always recalled and remembered the times when my mom would say “why couldn’t you behave like other kids” and in a way, I felt she was ashamed of me. Both my mom and dad had to work extra hours to keep food on the table and give me and my sister a safe and comfortable life. Yet, from the time I was five to about fourteen years of age, my grandma took us from school and kept us companied and fed until my parents came back. I used to recall that everytime I visit my extended family such as my aunts and uncles on both sides of the family. I was always told I was the spoiled one and the one my parents should be ashamed of. Its a blessing to have a comfortable lifestyle but i just feel so empty and unloved and I don’t know why. I just had this feeling that my whole extended family and even my parents are against me or always look down upon me.

    Even ever since I was five, I had a hard time just interacting with people in general i guess because I am awkward or weird. Friendships were hard for me to maintain i guess because I just either didn’t put the effort or something else. Some people claim I’m clingy and I just don’t know whats wrong with me. To this day, I still have the same problem and everytime i try to interact with people, it just seems like they brush me off.

    Now that I am heading off to college, I just need some help. I plan to attend UCSB this fall and yet, i just don’t feel that it is right for me. When I interacted with the people, everyone just seemed clique-y like they are in high school again and I once again, feel isolated. Also, the cost is expensive though I managed to get some decent financial aid. Yet additionally, my parents have expectations that I will be a doctor and graduate with a Bachelors by the time I’m twenty one yet at the same time, I want to live and enjoy life where I could make life-long friendships and pursue happiness. Although I don’t know what I want to do, I know that I want to pursue something other than the medical field. Now, I’m just stuck in a HUGE pithole because if I don’t reach my parents expecations, my parents money will be wasted, my whole family will feel like I’m a disgrace and I will feel like I’m worthless. As well, all the classes that I wanted to consider at community college are already full and that would mean that I would have to “crash” those classes. And another thing is that my extended family looks down upon community college and I would be considered a failure. I don’t know what the heck I’m suppose to do anymore. All my life, I have lived with anxiety and fear of everyone and everything. I don’t want to fail my family, I just want to get along with people and I just want to feel like I’m worth something. At the same time, I would like to pursue happiness and do something that makes me happy. But I’m just sooo confused……

    #35795

    Amelia
    Participant

    Deanna,

    First of all, I want to commend you for asking for advice. So many people won’t, and it’s foolish not to seek out wisdom when you can benefit from it.

    I was in a very similar situation. You have to tune out your family’s objections and really consider what you want for you life. It’s your happiness, and sometimes you have to fight tooth and nail for it. If money is an issue, attend a community college for a year or two and keep your grades up. It will dramatically decrease your cost, as well as buy you some time to consider what you want to do with your life.

    Sometimes our families think they know what’s best for us, despite our best efforts to tell them otherwise. Being a doctor is an admirable and worthy profession, but if you feel deep down it’s not for you, don’t do it! You are the only one who has wake up every day and live your life. Remember you have a few years of preparation before you even get into medical school, so it’s not urgent to tell them that right this second.

    We also should remember that our families know us better than anyone. Maybe your family is stuck on you being a doctor because you used to play doctor all the time as a kid or something. My mom is actually the one who told me ‘Amelia, you should try court reporting. I really think you’d be great at it.’ I had a scholarship to go to acting school and thought she was crazy, but I did it, and it was the best decision I’ve ever made.

    As for being awkward, remember that it’s just a stage, it’s not who you are. I was so awkward in high school it was coolest to make fun of me over everyone else. People made unflattering videos about me in film class, knocked my books out of my hands, called me a man, told me I should kill myself, and my ‘friends’ just stood by. Learn to take charge of your friends and only surround yourself with kind people. Remember, it’s your life. You’re an adult now, and you get to decide. It’s okay to say ‘I don’t think these people are the best friends for me.’

    The best practical social advice I have ever gotten is to just let people talk about themselves. People love talking about themselves. Usually, if you just ask someone a lot of questions about their life, and say nice things about it, they’re pretty apt to like you.

    “The key to an easy relationship with other people is not to impose your ego, nor crush the ego of others.” – Swami Prajnanpad

    I hope you find your happiness.

    #35859

    Ruben
    Participant

    Hello Deanna. I’m very glad that you reached out to find a solution to your problem. I can empathize with what you shared as I have just recently gotten out of a similar situation and now I’m happy. Which leads me to believe That I have the solution to your dilemma. Now I am not a therapist, psychologist, or a professional counselor in anyway, I’ve been told that I have a gift for insight when it comes to understanding others. If you wouldn’t mind, I would like to talk to you through email. Of course, you don’t have to do this in anyway if you don’t want to. What I am hoping for is that by conversing through email, I could analyze and solve each individual problem as well as correct your maladaptive self-perception. Please consider it. I look forward to talking to you. My email address is below.

    Clajoie94@gmail.com

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