July 13, 2013 at 3:40 pm #38545TrixieParticipant
Hello, I’m suffering a broken heart . Well it feels like a broken body not just my heart, it’s my mind, my weight, my thoughts ,my health the whole lot. I’ve been struggling along now for for almost two months some days are better than others, some days I just can’t get out of the fog of confusion, shock, sadness, tears etc . I’ve been seeing a therapist and we’re working on Acceptance that he has gone, that I need to see and hear this advice or I’ll be always caught in the vortex of him. I never got to talk to him face to face as he broke it off via text and then unfriended but on FB ( which as so gutting ).
My question is and I wonder if anyone feels this way (or am I going a but crazy) I feel so fake like a fraud with my friends,family,workmates etc they’re laughing, having a great time and I pretend to be interested and laugh but inside I’m black , lifeless! I get so jealous when I see or hear people on their cells getting text, feelings of rejection crush into me and I cannot look at FB anymore! When do I feel like me again? What is acceptance, accepting the fake feelings, accepting the rejection, the loss ? I step into my outer layer suit to work, see friends & family look normal say the correct things but when I’m alone I take off the outer layer suit and it’s just me broken & bare. I try to extend Lovingkindness to him and hold the pain gently but it doesn’t go away and extending love to him is what got me here? Attachment is easy but acceptance is the hardest virtue of them all!
Thanks for the site and thanks for reading. Trixie-BelleJuly 13, 2013 at 5:30 pm #38547Sapnap3Participant
I can’t tell u when the way u are feeling will go away but I’ll tell u… don’t pretend. Don’t pretend to be happy when u are not cause u are not only lying to people who love u but also to yourself.
My love broke up with me via phone and blamed it all on me..,as I was the one fighting and I was the one telling him to open up…he opened up but not to me. I have been struggling but this site has awesome techniques many broken hearted people have posted. One is to write what u think of your ex. Like all the way u miss him. For example if you think he is the best looking man or the best listener. Just write it all down. Than really think about if those statements are really true. For example..is he really the best man in this world? He broke up with u via text! What real man does that? There are other ways. Just differentiate between your fantasies of him and who he really is. Read those words out loud to yourself. Write a journal. Talk to total strangers like me. If u want to vent to me. Go ahead. I am in the same boat as u.
It will not be easy but it will be …in time
Feel betterJuly 13, 2013 at 8:25 pm #38552Matt TurnerParticipant
I read your post with curiosity. I hear your pain and empathize how that must feel.
I would ask you these questions;
What do you want to accept?
What CAN you accept right now?
How big is the gap between what you want to accept, and what you can accept?
What does that gap look like?
What CAN’T you accept right now?
(In follow up to the above) Why can’t you accept this?
What needs to change for you to accept?
Apart from acceptance, what else is missing for you right now?
Although difficult, looking into ourselves in times of struggle can help. It’s a process. Do the work and be patient. Discover whats really important.
Another good technique to help gather a wider perspective of your challenge right now is to look at it from above. If you were in a helicopter looking down at you, your struggle and the people around you, what would you see? Whats going on around you? What are you doing to influence that environment? Whats contolling or influencing you? What would you like this aerial view to look like?
I sincerely wish you well in navigating a path to healing. You deserve a chance to move forward and grow. I hope this helps a little.
With warmth and love,
Matt.July 13, 2013 at 11:19 pm #38556SushmaParticipant
I know how painful it would be to get rejected. I agree with Sapnap3 that dont pretend to be happy when you are not. Itz okay. Accept yourself first. I always say to everyone that Acceptance is power. It gives you that power to move on and grow as Matt said. Once you love and accept yourself, these rejections shouldnt matter you at all. There are many beautiful people out there. Just be patient and be as you are.
“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha
SushJuly 14, 2013 at 4:33 am #38563FlorenceParticipant
There is a saying that goes, ” crying is not a sign of weakness, as since birth it has been a sign that we are ALIVE” I am sure you have heard it before, and when i read what you posted that’s what came to my mind. Firstly know this; you can have all the advice in the world, from professionals and friends, but ultimately you have to find peace within yourself. You have to take the giant leap, and heal. This always takes time; some parts of it may never go away. But were you start is by LOVING YOURSELF. You must learn to love your self before you love any other person. This is the greatest gift we can achieve as a human being. The first rule. No one will come down from heaven and lift you out of the whole you have put yourself in. You have to throw yourself the rope! Start by changing the thoughts that run around and around in your mind. Yes, those negative thoughts that swim through your mind, from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep. It’s like a pattern, a habit, once it goes in it’s very hard to get out.
So from the moment you wake up in the morning say to yourself, “I LOVE MYSELF”. And as this new “Idea” is born in your mind you will see that your days go differently. And that you will start to laugh, because you found it funny. If you love your self, you will take back your power and heal yourself, no one can do that for you. If you take a look around you will see that w all have our own issues to deal with day in and day out. We have to be strong in this world. Pray your heart and start to change those thoughts. Watch the change happen in front of your eyes.July 16, 2013 at 1:10 am #38742TrixieParticipant
Thank you for your time to answer my questions ! I will take on board what has been suggested in small ways, bit by bit , step by step as I feel when I am able to chip away at my sadness . What can I accept at the moment ? I not sure, guess I am accepting his decision to reject me and I haven’t contacted him in anyway. As much as this breaks me I’m resisting every moment by moment is a struggle but I haven’t given into temptation to text yet., but look at my phone all day hoping he will make contact. Going a bit crazy my mind is a blender!