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Accepting that a father/stepmother don't care

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  racrandall 6 years, 1 month ago.

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  • #36597

    racrandall
    Participant

    I have read all kinds of Christian books, blogs etc & have prayed but just can’t seem to get past my feelings and realizing that my father has never really cared about me for many years & that my stepmother for the past 20 years doesn’t really care either about me, my daughter or family. I just can’t seem to get over it, maybe it will just take time. Now my fathers health is not that good and I don’t think he will be on this earth much longer so I must either get over some of my feelings and travel a long distance to see him or live with guilt. The final straw was when he didn’t acknowledge my daughter (his granddaughters!) graduation, not so much as a card or acknowledgment and then when asked about it proceeds to lie that they have sent something to her which we never receive. My dad seems to let my stepmother walk all over us! This type of thing has gone on for many years but I am so tired of it! I am afraid I will fly off the handle with the situation but am trying to deal rationally with it!
    Any advice on what else to do?

    #36605

    KrishnaDevotee
    Participant

    I know just how you feel as I have abusive parents and I know that they hate me more than just not caring for me. But you know what- it really doesn’t bother me! Because I feel the same way back about them because they are in the wrong. However that’s not the point of what I’m trying to say. I think its really important for you to remember that its not your loss at all that they don’t care, you are not the one who should be feeling sorry or upset- they are. This is because you were a child in the family and therefore also part of the future of the family even if there were other children, their own children. For example, if you become really successful in your career, say, you end up famous or something then at the time they can’t come and say ‘yeah, that’s my girl!’ as much as they’ll want to. Even if you don’t end up famous, you will still go on to do really well and no matter what its their loss.

    If I were you I think the best thing to do therefore is to just leave it and maybe one day he’ll realize and if he doesn’t then their loss at the end of the day. But if you want then maybe try talking to him about it directly and see what he says.

    #36638

    GreatWhiteGoddess
    Participant

    Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Take the high road, go see him, make the effort, don’t have regrets. I had a similar situation, my dad is gone now, he died last October, I have no regrets, I always let love and compassion lead the way. I hope you can too.

    #36727

    cagedbirdie
    Participant

    Are they this way with everyone? He seems fairly passive. Not that this advice will make you feel better.. but. Your parents are not perfect. And we can’t expect our parents to be. Was your father raised in a loving home? What was his life like? I’m almost certain that his past is what created who he is today, it goes that way for all of us. It’s just a matter of fact that some of us don’t want to be a part of a pattern, we want more. So what do you do? Accept your father and stepmother for who they are. I think at this point you really need to find some sort of peace (for yourself and your family) so you can be okay with how they treat you. Not saying you’re permitting their behavior, but you’ll get to a point where it won’t surprise you what they have to say (or lack there of) and you’ll be okay with it. It’s a painful process, I find myself really struggling to let go of some things my parents have done. It’s not easy to do but nothing worth doing is. Sometimes reading all kinds of books and articles just doesn’t help. I think facing things head on is a good way to go about it. Good luck and remember some times people do things the way they do them because that’s all they know.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 1 month ago by  cagedbirdie.
    #36732

    racrandall
    Participant

    thanks everyone for your great advice, the last few days have been better & I find myself not thinking about the situation as much, I know it won’t change much as it has been this way for many years so it is getting somewhat easier, I am not continuing the pattern as my own daughter means the world to me & I would never treat her this way but I won’t make excuses for him either. My mother and rest of my family treat me with much love & respect so I try to focus on that as much as I can, to be honest now that I look back at it, it really shouldn’t have surprised me that he/she acted this way as I got my hopes up that it would be different, rather naive on my part-thanks again, by the way I love this website, Tiny Buddha!

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