Dear anita,

today I did 10 minutes of yoga! You are right, it is enough. And with time, I will maybe be able to do more.

In the morning I do not know what I really did other than yoga? I went grocery shopping and baked a homemade pizza, so that took up some time. In the afternoon I cleaned for a while and later painted one page for project B. There are only 14 pages left to paint now, over 100 already finished! So it is very possible that I will be able to get it done soon.

Tomorrow again I want to do yoga in the morning, start working at 9 and 2, and clean for 10 minutes.

For the weekly review:

Last week started badly, but then I was able to get a little bit done every day for my uni projects. So I am doing o.K., better than before. I am getting closer to finishing projects A and B!

Also, I ate fewer sweets, almost none except chocolate yoghurt with cocoa, honey and banana for the last days. On the other hand, I slacked pretty badly on exercising. The cleaning goal was so so…

As for my goals last week: I did not completely stick to the goal of my routine, but I am getting better. On most days I worked in the morning and afternoon. Next week I would like to continue on that path, but take the times I set for myself more seriously.

The goal of no internet distraction did not work very well. I think I am addicted, maybe the internet is soothing for me, especially when feeling anxious. I could try to place my phone away from the bed so that I will get better at no longer consuming so much social media in the morning. The internet also made it harder to get up at 7, even though I wake up at that time or earlier on most days.

For next week I have mainly the same goals as this week: working on my projects, sticking to a routine and a bit of exercise to stay grounded.

Dear anita,

today I did paint one page for project B. Even though it is not much, looking at the book with all the finished paintings makes me feel good and content with myself.

Also today I called somewhere to fix something that I had wanted to fix for a long time but did not know how to approach it. A fee I should have paid, but they forgot me and then I procrastinated on taking care of it. Or when I tried, they misunderstood me or I was unsure how to handle it. Hopefully, it can be finally resolved so that I will feel relieved and put this at rest.

About the internet: yes you are right. Better take smaller steps.  For the start, I should try no internet in the mornings, maybe until 10 am (like I wrote last week, but didn’t really stick to it).

I also agree about the weekly review. It can help me to set more specific goals for the week, instead of living from one day to the next one. Maybe I should refine this a little better though. I was not very specific on what I would like to achieve for projects A and B. For project B I should be able to finish about three pages. For project A I should at least add all of the text and images into the software for making a booklet. In the best case, I finish the layout ready for print (actually it should be doable).

So I tell myself right here that I have to work on project A tomorrow, no procrastination, even if it was just for a few minutes.

Other than that, I would like to stick to my routines the best that I can.

Hope you are having a good day! Until tomorrow!

Dear anita,

it was more of an unproductive day today. In the morning I went to see my therapist and I was kind of tense and desperate. Maybe because I had not slept well and had some anxious thoughts lately. Sometimes my imagination runs wild…

Talking to my therapist helped. Sometimes I worry because there are not much more sessions left. But even though I cannot get more sessions with her, she said we can find a solution.

Most of the day I spent reading and I also watched a movie. Later I worked on project A.

I want to get more done, be more productive, have less distracting thoughts. Sometimes I worry about not contributing enough to society. If a nurse, teacher, or mother reads all of this thread, what will they think? But at least I am doing a little every day, also thanks to your help with reading my thread. With time, I want to improve more and more.

With mini-steps, I am getting better…

The specific goal-setting helped. Otherwise, I would have likely skipped project A and worked on project B. It is easier for me, because I have denoted it as “sketchbook”, therefore I am more o.K. with making mistakes.

Specific goals for tomorrow:

– Go for a walk

– Work on project A (layout)

– Watch Tutorials on graphic design

– Think about applying for this workshop or not.

– Work in the morning and afternoon

– Try out a new recipe: lentil bolognese

About the internet: I still have to work on how to set my goals so as to stick to them. No internet before 10 am did not work so well so far. I will think about it more.

Now I am tired and will go to sleep soonish. To a more productive day tomorrow! See you then.

Dear anita,

thank you for your kindness! You like me, even though you know my flaws and my difficult side. It means a lot to hear that. You give me hope and have helped me for a long time. Thank you for doing so much for me and for others.

It has helped me when people like you or my therapist accepted me when I could not accept myself. Slowly, I am learning to become o.K. with myself.

With time, I might also be able to do more and contribute more to the world. Maybe I could make books that are thought-provoking, or that inspire someone to connect more with nature or art. Or maybe I could just share these things with close friends and that would also be enough.

Actually, I don’t really think that the value of a person depends on their accomplishments. You could be a highly successful person and still be unkind.

Still, I would also like to do more. But I am already working on this. This thread is helping me and I am doing a little each day. And the more I do, the more motivated I become. So best to be patient with me, as I am already working on myself!

Also, I never knew you were a teacher! It is such an important job and truly admirable.

About today:

It was a much more productive day today. I did not really go for a walk, but maybe it counts that I went to buy some missing ingredients and took a longer route home. Then I worked on project A, learning from watching tutorials. At noon I cooked the lentil bolognese and it tasted good. Then I worked more on project A. Through the tutorials, I learned new things about the software I use and made progress. There is only one problem that I do not know how to solve. Maybe I should just let it be, but it is also quite a graphic design faux pas, so I think I will investigate some more. So I did basically everything on my list (I decided to not join the workshop for now).

Tomorrow there will be work, so there will be less time to work on my projects. So I will do some easier tasks, maybe work on project B. Also, I am saying that I have to do yoga tomorrow, even if it only for 10 minutes.

See you tomorrow!

Dear anita,

today’s workday was calm, everything was o.K. After work, I walked home. But then, I did not get much done and just watched a TV series.

Tomorrow I should work again on my projects. Starting at 9 and 2. Maybe clean up and exercise/go for a walk.

Dear anita,

today I did work on project A, but I was very distracted. Later I cleaned up for a bit.

Tomorrow I plan to work more on project A and at the very least in a week I want it to be finished. Other than that I should really exercise tomorrow. Best to do some yoga immediately in the morning.

Until tomorrow!

Dear anita,

today I managed to do a few minutes of yoga in the morning. I am thinking that I am doing better if I plan to do it in the morning.

As for my projects, I am not as productive as I wish to be lately. Today I only finished one page from project B. The plan to stay in all day and work doesn’t go that well, but I am trying to do this again and again.

Except walking home on Friday, I did not go for walks during the last weeks. It was so cold, the days were grey and also sometimes I had a crazy thought of people following me. But the walks are important and help me to keep a clear and calm mind. I should go for a long walk at least twice a week, the time spent on this is very worth it. Especially, if I have almost no social contacts.

So I should go for a walk tomorrow, otherwise, work on my projects and do a weekly review.

Have a nice rest of the day!

Dear anita,

this morning the sun was shining, so I went for a walk! It was still cold, but I wore warm clothes. There was white frost on the grass and it looked beautiful. Despite that, the signs of spring are becoming more and more evident. I saw snowdrops, crocus, and winter aconites. Even the first signs of tiny stinging nettles. In a few weeks, I will be able to pick nettles again, and then I will make nettle bread, tea, and fish on nettles. It would be nice if I could take my best friend for a walk to pick herbs. She once said that she wishes to have more of a connection with nature. But it is more unlikely. In any case, I want to learn more about herbs this year.

Also, I saw many birds: robins, bullfinches, and a gray wagtail (? it seems unlikely, but it looked very much like it). Now the birds are singing more again, nature is starting to awaken. Hopefully, my life will also come out of its hibernation, but I will have to make it happen myself.

At the moment, I am still undisciplined and unfocused. So tomorrow, I should set a more specific plan for myself. I will get up between 7 and 8. Then I will do yoga. Then work for uni (starting at 9). Later I have to cook food and give back books from the library. Then I will work more, starting at 2. In the evening, my roommates and I wanted to play board games.

Hopefully, it will work. Today I painted for a while, but I was not making too much progress. I got distracted. Somehow I have phases where I can work pretty focused on my projects and then after some weeks, I get back into this stuck energy. Maybe I need more balance in my life…

I hope that your time away from the computer was relaxing for you! Have a good day!