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Addiction prone

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  • August 29, 2016 at 4:56 am #113584
    greenshade
    Participant

    Hey guys. Hope you’re all well. I’ve been around and reading but haven’t posted for a while. I had a question/needed some reassurance. My therapist and I discussed being aware of when my defense mechanisms kicked in a while ago and since then I’ve trying to cut back on avoiding emotion using thought. I manage to sit with the pain for a while, but I end up smoking or smoking up if I’m with company. This is something I’ve pretty much managed to avoid all my life. The other thing I’ve noticed is that I’m starting to really fixate on people. Like if the person I’ve fixated on is around my anxiety will be okay otherwise it will really kick in. How would you guys deal with this? On the other hand my stress eating, a habit I remember having since I was very young has reduced.
    Best and love

    August 29, 2016 at 5:28 am #113586
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi greenshade,

    Well, I’m of the belief that emotion is just that ~ emotion. Of course, we should listen to it (i.e. you feel something’s wrong in your gut, you feel anger at injustice, etc.). But we should never dwell on it.

    That said, changing deep rooted habits, responses and ways of coping is HARD.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    August 29, 2016 at 12:35 pm #113644
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear greenshade:

    Congratulations for continuing to work with your therapist and for working on sitting with your anxiety/ distress instead of reacting to it by stress eating, smoking, and such.

    You noticed a couple of things, described in your last post: how you deal with having company and fixating on people: keep noticing these things. And discuss them with your therapist. I think it is the sitting with your emotions, paying attention to your emotions, that makes it possible for you to notice more and more how you function, what triggers you, how you react.

    The more you notice, the more of an opportunity there is for you to heal. It takes time and lots of gentleness and patience with yourself. Once you notice this or that- the drive to repeat an unwanted behavior is still strong. So there is more and more to notice, slowly learn, slowly change.

    anita

    August 31, 2016 at 1:01 am #113805
    greenshade
    Participant

    Hey inky and anita!Thank you for replying! I guess I was confusing pre-existing patterns and feelings as new because I was just becoming aware of them. with regards to the smoking, I’ve started doing more of that..it feels justified almost ? If that makes sense because if I have to deal with all this pain I might use something b to make me feel better. The stress eating has stopped though. I guess I know I should move on from this thought process, but I’m enjoying the rebellion.
    Best and love,
    Me

    August 31, 2016 at 8:47 am #113830
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear greenshade:

    You are welcome. I understand that once you become aware of something you weren’t aware of before, it seems new.

    I also understand the need to feel better- oh, I do! And I understand that something that is bad for you can feel better. The part of you that wants to feel better, is it rebelling against the part of you that thinks you deserve to feel badly and should feel badly?

    anita

    August 31, 2016 at 11:55 pm #113878
    greenshade
    Participant

    hmm..I think its rebelling against the part that thinks I’ll be okay if I follow rules. That belief has pretty much determined all of my life decisions, big and small, to this point. Following rules for me equals approval. So theres a voice now that says “F.. it” I guess, I don’t need approval, I just need to survive what I’m feeling now without avoiding it by sleeping, eating etc. So whatever helps me get through the day and lets me interact with people and lets me function I’m choosing not to question- at least that’s the justification I’m using.
    I think the part of me that wants to feel better has also slightly given up hope. Because the pain is there and constant and I don’t know how to handle it I guess.
    Lov,
    me

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