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Adoption – can we suspend judgement

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  • #30463
    Kathy Kruger
    Participant

    I’m nervous about starting up this topic, because as an adoptive Mum I’ve been on groups before and felt shot down in flames by too much judgement and people who would never entertain others opinions.
    I am open and respectful of all views in the adoption triad that are open and respectful of my views. I do not seek to be divisive and I would never want to be hurtful. I celebrate adoption in my family, but am also very aware of the losses that are inherent in adoption, or in the cirmstances that lead to it, and in the lives lived afterwards. I want to be the best adoptive mother, the best mother I can be.
    So anyone who wants to discuss adoption from all perspectives, as long as they are respectful, then I’ll roll the ball. Our two beautiful kids are from China and I am very sad that they will probably never get the opportunity to know their parents in China. Our daughter is almost 10 and just starting to ask questions for which I do not know I will ever have the right answers, even though her story has always be open in an age-appropriate way. Our son is only 3 and I have thought long and hard about his story and the answers I can give that are as honest and real as I can. I feel forever blessed by adoption, just as I feel so sad that my children’s parents will never know their parents in China, nor will their parents be able to know their children. Sometimes I wonder if there are answers. Love to receive any comments from the Tiny Buddha community….cheers..kathy

    #44811
    Ray Dodd
    Participant

    My son is adopted and before we got him we spent seven years in the social service system. Our experience, what we saw time and time again – was that very young partner-less mothers would reject the idea of adoption because they adored the idea of having a dependent cuddly little being who loved them so much. By the time the children were toddlers their story changed. The responsibility was too much – they couldn’t have an independent life and they had no resources. Many were eager to give up the child but at this point adoption was very difficult and most went into the foster care system.

    Mothers (or parents) that recognize that adoption is the best option for their baby’s future are courageous and unselfish. They are really heroes! This is what we told my son – it’s not that they didn’t want you , they wanted the best for you and sacrificed greatly for you to have it. Best to you – RD

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 7 months ago by Ray Dodd.
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