Here’s a short story:

There was a boy who would learn to know it all, yet for he only wanted to love, the purest of wants, and so he did, even when the thing he loved hurted him; it forced him to learn to love other things, so he learned to love to learn, to be curious, but he could never surrender his first love…and so his life continued, gaining new ones, to skate, to enjoy sweets, to feel.

Soon enough his first love grew to be a jealous one, taking away the love from the others to where it was the only love to remain, in time it reached its hands to his final one, the place he learns, school, as it burned asunder, he grasped it in his arms, not willing to let it go, so he burned along with it, shocking his first love, it begged him to let go, but he refused, for to let go meant he no longer could love anything, his first love thought he meant he no longer loved her, but before she could begin to hurt herself, his answer silenced that doubt-

“How am I to love, if I have nothing to love.”

“You have me…”

“Love has to be somewhere, to exist.”

For in every love he gained, she learned he didn’t love it any less, but in fact, learned to love it even more-

In that moment, the ashes of all the previous loves’ remains coalesced with the flames still alight, taking it away from the scarred boy.

“What are you doing?!”

“Loving you~”

For in that moment, it no longer was spiteful, for it had learned what that silly boy like to do most, for one to know everything, yet live so viscerally into his emotions.

“He loved to love.”

As she faded into his bright world, it grew duller, yet still having her whispers in his ears, the boy stood up, now a young adult, as he stepped into the world, putting his knowledge to use, for he sought to love all the more.

•••••

Each of us step into life knowing different things, feeling different thing, wanting different things, for reasons we cannot fully grasp, sometimes its simple, sometimes complex, other times it stretches beyond the normal of what people understand of today, our choice of meaning isn’t set to be grand nor simple, but what we decide to let it be, which some never decide to ‘let it be’, as it is assigning a purpose towards life when we are so diversive and complex to where a meaning isn’t necessary to make our lives meaningful, in what we feel, in what we want, and in what we or others decide what means what in our lives, and it definitely isn’t set in stone from the experience, nature, emotion that binds us, that makes us human.

I’m here, as someone who went through nihilism, despite knowing what I wanted out of life, and not being able to achieve it in this exact moment me and you are breathing, that had it stomp on my future, and take the meaning, the love I had for it out, I had something to save me, to pull me out of it, and funnily enough, it was something I took for granted, that gave me it back that knocked that senseless meaningless-ness out of me; there are many things that can be what’s keeping you stuck in this state, each to as unique as you are a person right now, in your circumstances, in your beliefs, in what you decide to be true for yourself and the world…and I hope I can be someone right here to help.

I’m going to stop here before I take any more of your time, I can’t promise my advice will help, because advice will only go as far as you’ll allow it, you still need to put the work in, as someone who still has life in them to seek out something to make that ember grow back to what it once was before: to love again.