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Affirmation – I do not fear failure. Negative or positive?

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  • #394349
    Danny
    Participant

    Hi guys,

    In my pursuit of my dreams and goals I have kept myself back at times from truly pursuing what I want. After becoming aware and conducting an audit on myself, I came to the conclusion that I have held myself back from going after what I want because I was afraid to fail.

    To combat this, and after reading a book on this matter, I used the affirmation – “I give myself permission to fail. What’s the worst that could happen”

    While affirming this, this morning, this affirmation jumped out at me as actually being negative. It was like my brain thought, “Ohhh so it’s ok to fail, therefore you actually don’t have to try, because it’s ok to fail”

    Do you think there is a negative connotation with this affirmation? I want to liberate myself from my thinking that I am not allowed to fail. Thinking that failure if final, which means I rarely go after what I want.

    Do you think I should give myself permission to fail? Should my affirmation read “I do not fear failure”? or “I give myself permission to be myself and go after what I want?”

    Interested to hear your guys opinions and views.

    Have an awesome day!!

    • This topic was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by Danny.
    #394353
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Danny!

    Personally, I’m not a fan of affirmations so I’ll discuss the subject of failure.

    I think it varies. It’s important to be aware of realistic threats. Obviously, it’s not great to lose a substantial amount of money or go bankrupt. It happens, but people try and avoid it.

    At the same time, for people who experience catastrophising, fear is often exaggerated. Not every situation you encounter is going to end in a worst case scenario. Frequently experiences end more positively than anticipated. As you know fear can lead us to avoid certain situations. Perhaps this means that you are refusing opportunities and positive experiences out of fear? Truly, the only way to overcome a fear of failure is to do what you are afraid of.

    As an adult tutor, I’ve learned that anxiety and failure is part of the process of learning for adults. When you are new and experiencing something for the first time often, people make mistakes. Then we can learn from our mistakes and do something successfully.

    Negative self-talk is often the root cause behind catastrophising and fear of failure. Perhaps it might be beneficial to practice writing about yourself positively. Can you do this while thinking about your dreams, goals and considering next steps on how to achieve them?

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by Helcat.
    #394357
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Danny:

    “I used the affirmation – ‘I give myself permission to fail. What’s the worst that could happen‘” – this is not an affirmation because it includes two sentences and the second is not an affirmation, but a question: “What’s the worst that could happen”?

    The first sentence is an affirmation, but it is not a positive affirmation because it contains a verb that has a negative connotation, to fail. The second sentence which is a question, has “the worst” in it, which also has (a very) negative connotation. This question is likely to lead to a negative/ worry-filled thinking, such as… what are all the possible bad things that can happen, and what would be the worst of them, and how these things can happen, etc.

    “While affirming this, this morning, this affirmation jumped out at me as actually being negative.  Do you think there is a negative connotation with this affirmation?… Do you think I should give myself permission to fail?” –

    – yes, to fail and the worst are negative, and the question leads to negative thinking.

    “Should my affirmation read “I do not fear failure”?” – I don’t think so because neither the verb to fail, nor the noun failure should be in your affirmation. This word is negative and problematic, in the context of a positive affirmation.

    “Should my affirmation read…  “I give myself permission to be myself and go after what I want?” -it makes more sense to make this affirmation. Going after what you want is positive while the word failure has a negative connotation.

    “It was like my brain thought, ‘Ohhh so it’s ok to fail, therefore you actually don’t have to try, because it’s ok to fail’… I want to liberate myself from my thinking that I am not allowed to fail. Thinking that failure if final, which means I rarely go after what I want” –

    – I suggest that you substitute the words to fail and failure with another word, or words, in the context of coming up with a positive affirmation. If you want to consider another word, let’s look into- if you will- what does failure mean to you, personally?

    anita

    #394524
    Ruby
    Participant

    Given that the best player in baseball strikes out a LOT of the time (any  sport stats people out there?), failure is actually a naturally occurring part of success (not all seeds germinate, almost all sperm don’t fertilize anything!). And if practice makes perfect (or at least better), it’s useful for us to try, learn from what didn’t work, and try again.

    So rather than label things failures, how about “Every time I try, I either succeed or learn something to make success more likely in the future.”

    #395215
    anita
    Participant

    How are you, Danny?

    anita

    #397185
    Zoe
    Participant

    I’m not a fan of affirmations, as often they just create unrealistic pressure within our minds.

    It’s like people saying always be positive……well, that isn’t normal, as by doing that, we don’t deal with our emotions and work through them.

    Lowering our expectations is a good place to start to retrain the mind to live in reality.

    By this I mean, train the mind to be prepared for anything to happen, be it good, or not so good, because if we always expect the best to happen every time we do something, then when, and if things don’t turn out the way we thought, our emotions take hold in a negative way, because we didn’t prepare in the first place to accept reality.

    Learn to accept what will be, will be, and stop being so hard on ourselves by trying to always be perfect.

    #399308
    Danny
    Participant

    Hi all,

    Firstly let me thank you all for your feedback. It was much appreciated. I get that affirmations are not for everybody, but they work for me in the sense of grounding me and reminding me of who I am, and what I am capable of. So after much deliberation and deep work, I’ve devised a list of sentences / affirmations / statements that I will use twice daily (AM & PM). These affirmations are designed to free me from me current thoughts and actions whilst instilling new thoughts that will help me become the best me.

    Would anybody care to critique them? All feedback appreciated.

     

    I am powerfully assertive, and I act with confidence in all my actions.

    I am a positive action taker and I take confident and purposeful action in alignment with my goals. I believe I will achieve my goals.

    I am living a truly happy life full of joy.

    I am always good enough. I am good enough to be whatever I want to be, and I am good enough to achieve whatever I want to achieve. I believe I will achieve my goals.

    I am joyfully free of people’s opinions and thoughts about me.

    I am an extremely disciplined and committed person. I do what I need to do when I need to do it. I am a man of my word.

    I am a happy, peaceful, relaxed, and assured man. I am a smiley and cheerful person.

    I do not judge or critique people.

    I have enormous gratitude for my amazing life. I know how lucky I am.

    I am an extremely positive person. I know that life happens for me and works out for the best.

    I am deeply in love with myself. I joyfully approve of myself. I am proud of myself. I value myself.

    I am a very powerful person, and I am capable of great achieving my goals and being who I want to be.

    I am a calm person and I calmly handle all of my life situations.

    I am living my life in the present moment – the here and now.

    I am a kind, warm and loving person.

    I have an abundance of mental and physical energy. I feel and look great. I am the healthiest I have ever been.

    I am loving life. I love and enjoy every day. I know I am blessed.

    I am worthy of my dream life and everything I desire.

    I am confident that I have the skills needed for any situation I may be in.

    I am the real me always. I love the real me. I am authentic.

    I am a wonderful person, and I will always love myself deeply.

    I am a beautiful person inside. I am a beautiful person outside. I am handsome, charming and a sexy man.

    I am friendly, fun, easy to get along with and good company. I make people feel good. I am a great friend and I attract great friends into my life.

    I am at peace with myself and my life. I know everything will be ok and work out as God intended.

    I am an amazing, loving and committed boyfriend.

    I am very intelligent and extremely quick learner.

    I am a wonderful unique person that God has put here for a reason.

    I enjoy my life everyday. I enjoy my journey.

     

    Peace & Love

     

    #399310
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Danny:

    Affirmations…  work for me in the sense of grounding me and reminding me of who I am, and what I am capable of” – I am glad that affirmations work for you. They work for many people. I remember a time when I felt very good repeating positive affirmations, I felt elated, wonderful. Problem was that I needed serious psychotherapy at the time and positive affirmations were not enough to place me on the path of healing. But I can see their helpfulness in producing positive motivating feelings.

    You listed your affirmations. For them to work for you, they need to consist of your own words; they need to be personal to you. And so, it will be wrong for me (or for anyone commenting on your affirmations) to sort of … edit them. Your affirmations are yours, not mine, they need to sound good to you, not to me; not to anyone else but you.

    I read all your affirmations. I can see that what you seek is to become (the following are all your chosen adjectives which I placed in alphabetic order): assertive, assured, authentic, beautiful, blessed, calm, capable, charming, cheerful, committed, confident, disciplined, free, friendly, fun, good enough, handsome, happy, healthiest, intelligent, kind, loving, lucky, peaceful, positive, powerful, purposeful, quick learner, real, relaxed, sexy, smiley, unique, warm, wonderful, worthy.

    All your adjectives and affirmations sound fine to me!

    I noticed you started a new thread with the same affirmations. I hope that other members reply to you there. You are welcome to post again here, there or elsewhere.

    anita

     

    #399415
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Danny!

    I’m glad that you find affirmations helpful!

    I agree with Anita, these affirmations are personal to you so only you will be the best judge of how your affirmations will help you. Clearly, you put a lot of thought, meaning and effort into creating them.

    Good luck! My only other thought, is as well as the affirmations have you come up with some achievable goals to work towards related to the affirmations? It could be nice to track some tangible results alongside these affirmations.

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks ago by Helcat.
    • This reply was modified 3 weeks ago by Helcat.
    #399925
    anita
    Participant

    How are your affirmations working for you, Danny?

    anita

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