Hello,

I found myself writing the same query to myself in my journal,  that I have been preoccupied with for some time,  so I decided to get a new perspective. I had a close friend who I pushed out of my personal life because I was just so tired of her. She married my brother who had drug problems and who was erratic. She became fed up and asked for help from me and my siblings. We supported her at the cost of our relationships with our brother. My siblings and myself did not always respond correctly to my brothers problems. My friend would complain to me about our failings and her husbands behavior. She would be more protective of her husband. It was all very human but I grew angry and unforgiving and put her out of my life. I was cold. I too was going through some personal issues. I was grief stricken by multiple losses of deep personal relationships. My mother and dear friend both died, the last relative of my mother’s generation died, two women I worked daily with died, and I had to let go of a dear friend with a drug and alcohol problem. Not to mention my husband also had an issue with alcohol. All of these losses happened within months of one another. Now two years later. I am somewhat recovered from my grief. I am not angry with my friend anymore. I accept that it was I who pushed her out. I was unforgiving of her. I blamed her for my lost relationship with my brother. I accept the way she behaved because she needed to for her own sanity. The only problem is, she was the last of my close friends. Now she is angry, not outright but passive aggressive, and I would like to try to right the relationship but I’m not sure it can be or that she wants it to be. So my query is, should I bother? We do try but it never seems like its working. Also, in relation to the friend that I had to let go of because of  drugs and alcohol. I frequently want to call her but she is angry at me too because I sent her a letter that basically said I loved her and thought she was awesome but I couldn’t be her friend anymore if she continued to drink. I told her that I didn’t feel like a friend at all because I had just been pretending that nothing was wrong when in fact, of course there was a huge problem. So, she didn’t like that, of course. So we don’t talk either. Ugh. I think the answer is get new friends but I’m 50 now and close relationships are hard to develop spontaneously or at all as we age. I still do have friends but not the kind that I have lost.

I guess my issue is I feel like I have unsettled issues with these two women. Do I? Or are things settled and what ever happens happens? Should I make another effort or should I just move on?