Home→Forums→Relationships→All my relationships have been toxic
- This topic has 31 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 4 months ago by
Anonymous.
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October 11, 2018 at 8:26 am #230353
AnonymousGuestDear Amma:
I was wondering, are you still communicating with his mother, being in contact with her in any way?
Regarding that empty feeling, what I have learned is that it is not really empty. I mean it is empty of joy, of that warm feeling of being connected to others, of trusting another, of feeling okay in the company of another, or others. But it is not empty. Instead, it is filled with pain.
It is that pain that we do our best to escape any which way.
That pain in my case was living with my mother. Painful it was, the tension in the air, that forever lasting (so it felt) tension, the inability to breathe fully, the waiting and waiting and waiting for things to get better.
It is that tension I took with me when away from her, as an adult. I can feel it as I type right now.
anita
October 11, 2018 at 8:29 am #230355
AmmaParticipantHi Anita,
Quick question? Just wondering why you asked if I was still communicating with his mother?
October 11, 2018 at 8:34 am #230359AnonymousGuestDear Amma:
Because if you do, that may fuel his interest in you. He may be angry with his mother and angry at you for siding with her against him.
anita
October 11, 2018 at 8:37 am #230361AmmaParticipantAnita,
I never wrote anything about his mother, she passed away 2 years ago.
October 11, 2018 at 8:42 am #230365AnonymousGuestDear Amma:
In your original post you mentioned his mother, you wrote: “I forgot to mention that after we got married I found out that his mother had been supporting him for years. At the time he was 45! When we got married she cut him off.. I ended up getting along really well with his mother and I understand why she cut him off”.
anita
October 11, 2018 at 8:45 am #230367AmmaParticipantHi Anita,
I apologize, I didn’t realize that I mentioned his mother, sometimes I get paranoid because he has hacked into some of my accounts.
Again, I am sorry. I should have looked back at my posts.
Amma
October 11, 2018 at 8:51 am #230369AmmaParticipantI don’t communicate with his mother, she has to ask my ex if she’s allowed to speak with me. When we were married, after she got to know me.
She got to know the real me, she would take my side, it would take me forever to write all of the awful accusations about my past mistakes.
October 11, 2018 at 9:10 am #230371AnonymousGuestDear Amma:
Oh, you thought I was your ex, I see. Are you still considering that I may be him?
If you do, we need to see to it that you are comfortable that I am not him before we continue.
anita
October 11, 2018 at 9:11 am #230373
PeaceParticipant4 years is a long time. I think you should try to make friends more than trying for partners. You may have a specific interest, make interest social and you will get many friends along. Let me explain this with an example. If you like reading books, join a library and visit the library daily. There will be people who come to the library daily. Make friends with them by talking to them daily or suggesting good books. Once you have good friends to fall back to then try looking for a low maintenance partner who is average and well mannered. Don’t try to go for popular people or people who are extroverts for the start. So at least you will slowly start to develop some long lasting relationships. Try this and let me know how it goes.
Regards Peace
October 11, 2018 at 10:03 am #230387AmmaParticipantAnita,
I do believe that you are not him. No worries.
October 11, 2018 at 10:20 am #230389AnonymousGuestDear Amma:
So his mother is alive then? Back to my question then: are you in contact with her sometimes? If you are, it may be fueling his obsession with you.
anita
October 11, 2018 at 10:51 am #230399AmmaParticipantI have no contact with her. This is so screwed. I gave her a call regarding our medical insurance. It was Jan. 2015, because my ex husband still had a police together. I didn’t want to talk to my ex. So, I called her instead to ask her if she could call him because I didn’t want any tie to him.
She said, I will have to ask if it’s okay with him if she could talk to me ( weird). I don’t know if I mentioned that a year after we got married that he is a paranoid schizophrenic, doesn’t take medication.
I found this information from his ex wife, she didn’t show it to me but it was a therapy session they had regarding his kids. Oh, I was his third marriage.
The first 2 two, he married them because they were pregnant. Here’s the kicker, he had 2 kids with both of them. He is also a pathological liar.
If I told you all of the crazy things he put me through it would take me days to write.
I have to get ready for class, but you can respond back if you like.
October 11, 2018 at 10:51 am #230403AmmaParticipantYes, she is still alive.
October 11, 2018 at 10:59 am #230409AnonymousGuestDear Amma:
I am ready to close my point regarding his mother and you: to discourage him from contacting you, best you have no contact with his mother, none at all, nor with anyone related to him. But especially his mother.
What about your mother, I wonder. What is your contact with your mother like? If you would like to answer, that is. It is always your choice, to answer or not.
anita
October 11, 2018 at 11:01 am #230411AmmaParticipantYes. I have a great relationship with my mother.
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