Basically when I was around 13 years old, I had a sexual urge out of nowhere, and I almost made a mistake, that was totally out of character at the time, so basically I was looking after a family friends child, and for some reason I had a sexual urge, not that I am attracted to child, or what not because I am totally not, I love females, but at the Time I don’t understand where this urge Came from and I thought of having sex with a 1 year old at the time, thank God I didn’t, because I came to notice it was a boy because when I looked through their diaper I discovered it was a boy so I didn’t go there, but looking back at it, as a adult, I feel disgusted and sick at my actions, I’ve even had suicidal thoughts, and so on, because the adult in me regrets what I almost did and I am often guilt tripped every time I’ve even went to see a therapist about this issue and I just don’t know what to do, at times I feel like I don’t enjoy my life as much because of this little situation that happened in my childhood, and I just need advice in this situation, I need help