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Livelovelifeeleni HappyMotivation, Advice, Outreach & LifeCoaching.
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July 23, 2016 at 12:37 pm #110373
JParticipantTwo years ago, I started working at Ross Dress
for Less. I hated that job. After working there
for about a year, I started working as a teacher. I only did that for 2 months due to stress and anxiety. Now, since March, I’ve been working at Sears. I had a terrible day. A man came in looking for two pairs of shoes in a specific size. We didn’t have them in stock or in the back. I looked online on our computer, but they weren’t available online. So I offered to try to find another shoe then he was like “you’re not helping”. I was doing the best I could. Then he was asking for a raincheck, but we don’t do rainchecks. Then he said “this is why Sears is going downhill”. Oh well. Then a cashier stopped me and asked something then I went on a tangent about something else. Then my manager paged me to the office and asked “why were you leaning against the rack?” I explained the situation. Then she said “were you supposed to be leaning or working?” I answered and she said “you can lean on your break we have a lot of work to get done”. I said “alright”. Ugh! Terrible day at work! I hope I find a job/career that I enjoy at least 80% of the time. Am I always going to hate work?July 23, 2016 at 2:41 pm #110380
AnonymousGuestDear J:
I hope you are not always going to hate work. I sure hope not. Teaching abroad is still the dream, isn’t it?
I sure hope one day, soon enough, you are going to get up in the morning, excited, looking forward to be at work already, impatient to be there already, can you imagine…?
anita
July 24, 2016 at 6:18 pm #110441JParticipantAnita, yes teaching abroad is still the dream. I just wouldn’t want this experience to be stressful and anxiety-inducing. Especially since I had such a terrible experience with teaching about a year ago. I want a career where I’m not dreading Monday and constantly checking the time to clock out. I know that no job is perfect, but I just want to enjoy my job. Is that too much to ask?
July 24, 2016 at 7:20 pm #110444AnonymousGuestDear J:
“I just want to enjoy my job Is that too much to ask?”
Ask whom? The title of your thread is “Am I destined to only work jobs I hate?”
There is that word, “destined”, from destiny. I don’t believe in destiny and I don’t believe there is someone out there to ask for this or for that. Waiting for the right time… waiting for a permission, a blessing and a guarantee.
It is about you, J- you initiating, you choosing. Not that it is easy- for years I wasn’t able to do what I recommend you to do.
Do you get a feel to what I am trying to say to you (I am not sure I am communicating clearly)? Please let me know if I am making any sense to you.
anita
July 25, 2016 at 11:50 pm #110551JParticipantI know this sounds cliché, but I think you’re saying that I’m in control of my own destiny/life. That there is no magic bullet to life. This is about my decisions.
July 26, 2016 at 8:02 am #110567AnonymousGuestDear J:
What I am saying is not that you are in control of your own life. I am saying you are not in control of your own life, at this point. Not yet. I think your mother is in control, the church people. Not you.
I think that the way for you to proceed is to take control of your life. To remove your mother, the church people, others- remove them from the center of your being and place yourself in your own center.
There is a psychological term that my therapist taught me: Locus of Control (LOC). For many people the LOC is external- mine has been most of my life and yours is also External (ELOC). I am suggesting you shift to Internal LOC (ILOC).
You probably have an experience in your life when you were your center (ILOC)- can you think of one and share the circumstances of that experience and how it felt to you?
anita
July 27, 2016 at 1:32 pm #110697JParticipantAnita. I had to do a little research on LOC. I think part of my LOC is ELOC because of how I was brought up in church (I hope this makes sense). And I’m not saying that I can’t make my own decisions. It’s kind of like if something good or bad happens, then I believe that it’s part of God’s plan. So, in that regard, I tend to feel like if I go for something I want and it doesn’t happen, then I feel like “well God didn’t want me to have it, He must have something better for me”. So right now I feel like “well I probably need to learn something from working here and once I learn it I’ll be ready for the job that God wants me to have”.
But in regards to my mom and those people at church, I have a problem with worrying about what others think. That’s part of why I have anxiety. It was because I had so much pressure on me from other people (or I thought so and I was putting pressure on myself to just be this best teacher). I thought that if I quit the job, I’d be considered a failure and that if I pursued what I really wanted to pursue, they’d think I was crazy and I’d be disappointing a lot of people.July 27, 2016 at 6:53 pm #110716
365daysofkindnessParticipantI will disagree with the above and say that you are absolutely in control of your own life.
Make a list. Zero on what it is that you want. Create tactics to get there.
You only have one life to live; stop worrying about what other people think. When you are old and wrinkly, they won’t be around to judge you anyways.
July 27, 2016 at 7:15 pm #110722AnonymousGuestDear J:
I wish you didn’t care so much about what other people think. Doing or not doing things because of what other people think is ELOC, meaning what other people think is controlling your life, your choices.
I don’t think there is a person in the world who doesn’t care at all what other people think. Everyone likes to be liked; everyone likes to be approved. So it is tough. But you can make progress in this direction, less ELOC and more ILOC.
For example, someone in the church told you she would like it if you had your hair in curls (do I remember correctly, in an earlier post on this thread?), but you like it braided. So, if you keep it braided even though this woman would like it … her way, then you are exercising ILOC. If you change your hair her way, you are exercising ELOC.
So pay attention to opportunities throughout the day to do things your way, to endure the discomfort of displeasing someone else … and the victory of doing things your way anyway.
It is a process. Practice the small things and you will get to bigger things, like teaching abroad, I hope, since it has been your dream for a long time.
anita
July 27, 2016 at 9:59 pm #110737
XenopusTexParticipantSears/Kmart is hurting badly. Guessing that gets transmitted down the line to store management, who then transmits it further down the line.
If I may suggest, look for something higher up the foodchain than a basic sales floor associate. Based on the information, it seems like you are intelligent and educated.
I agree on the locus of control statements. I feel the worst when I feel like I do not have control over what is happening in my life. Have recently been trying to accept the truth of Viktor Frankel’s teachings. You, and I, have the freedom to choose how we react to events. Sometimes I choose poorly, but I have the freedom to choose. Nobody, not your boss, not your family, not your church congregation, can take that power from you.
But, like everything, the freedom and power comes with a price. That price is awareness, and the results that come from the bad reactions that come from a lack of awareness.
July 28, 2016 at 2:20 am #110750
Ana MachadoParticipantDear J,
I think that wherever we go, we will ALWAYS find something/someone which will try and make our life hell or who we won’t get along as well as we hoped we would. I think here you should just keep going with your life, if this is taking you towards your dreams (teaching abroad according to what I read? 🙂 that’s beautiful!) and ignore all those negative ideas. They should and cannot define you, because you are so much more than the person selling shoes or the employee leaning against a rack.
Do something you really enjoy doing everytime you leave work, to remind you not only of your worth but of all the façades there is to you! Go to the movies with a loved one, take some hobby with a shared class like painting, do something that calms you down and brings you joy and, most of all, reminds you – you are not the high school person, you are not the daughter, you are not the employee, you are not the painter or the friend. You are all of that and much much more! 🙂 Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!July 29, 2016 at 11:36 am #110897JParticipantI wish I didn’t care about what others thought of me so much either. I’ve always had this problem since I was 10. I thought that I would’ve gotten past that in college or at least not care as much now. But I do know that if I don’t do something, I’m going to be stuck in the same place and working this dead-end job. Especially now since I’ve gotten my schedule. I worked last night, and I don’t have an off day until next Friday! At least in 2 weeks I’ll be on a plane headed to Vegas :). But I don’t only want to be excited about life when I’m getting ready for a vacation. It’s not that I don’t think I can control my life, it’s just that I fear making the wrong decision. I mean, I’m 26 with no kids, not married, and I don’t have any major responsibilities. One part of me is saying “you’re young! Take life by the horns and go for it!” but then, there’s another side saying “well maybe you should just take an easier more sensible route” and I don’t want to go through life saying “I wish I had done etc.”. XenopusTex, Sears is struggling. Do you mean try to move up in Sears or find a better job. It’ll probably take years for me to move up and get a better position. And the only position that seems a little better is Manager or Assistant Manager, but I don’t want that kind of stress either. I know that no job is perfect. But I just want a job/career where I’m content and don’t dread going to work every day.
July 29, 2016 at 1:11 pm #110903YOU ARE SO AMAZING. im so happy you get a oppirtunity to get money! count your blessings and dont let opne thing turn your beaqutiful day full of potential into a bad day., it wasnt nice of him to say that but you did your best WE ARE PROUD OF YOU. YOU DID ALL U COULD so you rock and you are so kind i promise youll find a job you love someday. what is your passion and makes u happy to be alive? a hobby that makes you have joy ? and helps others? you deserve to love where you work. on the plus side you have opportrunities to get money, which is a blessing itself. count your blessings and also that you have money. dont let one thing ruin your day im so glad u exist and are alive sweetie it will get better. apply to as many jobs that u can, have a goal and write down your hobbies and dreams. stay positive work hard have hope and youll get there i promise. for now focus on working hard and all these jobs even if you dident feel good doin them, look good on a resume plus its all experience AND A STEP IN THE RIGHR DIRECTION. WE LOVE YOU AND ARE SO PROUD OF YOU <33 KEEP GOING. do what u love remember u deserve to be happy. you are destined for greatness and full of possiblities in life <333 have hope no regrets!
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