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am i just a selfish idiot ?

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  • February 24, 2014 at 3:52 pm #51675
    Dave
    Participant

    about 9 months ago my wife told me that she didn’t love me any more. we talked things through and came to the joint decision that our feelings for each other whilst loving were not those of two people in love. i have to say that after a lot of tears and sole searching i started to feel a sense of relief . I moved out of the family home but still continued to see my ex wife and daughter regularly . this also extended to sex with the ex. my wife started to show signs of regret and asked if we could try again. i refused to consider this until my wife broke down and pleaded with me . she also admitted to having sex a male friend of hers who she had started to see very soon after our agreement to split. for some reason this has sparked off a major crisis for me . i’ve gone from accepting to jealous ex and now find myself emotionally torn between the loving feelings i have for my wife and those of a pathetic silly schoolboy whose” property” has been tainted . i am a man in his 50s so i feel that i should have learnt this lesson long ago but i feel stuck and unable to move on ….

    February 24, 2014 at 5:27 pm #51676
    Scuttle
    Participant

    It’s amazing despite our ages how a situation could be so similar!

    Well, don’t call yourself a selfish idiot. You had bond with this person at one point! I went through it almost two years ago. We were both confused, but knew it was toxic. We split, would do our thing, get jealous, get back together. Things definitely got worse each time. Though things end, and even if it’s for the best, it’s hard to watch someone you once spent so much time with not be with you anymore. It’s normal! I’d keep it at arms length at this point, keep things neutral for your daughter. It will get easier as time passes, I promise! Down the road you’ll see that this all happened for a reason, and find yourself being so much happier than you were. Life isn’t over yet. 😉

    February 24, 2014 at 5:29 pm #51677
    Scuttle
    Participant

    And just breathe. Cliche, but time heals all wounds. Just try to keep busy so you don’t get caught up in your head about it!

    February 25, 2014 at 4:23 pm #51752
    Dave
    Participant

    Wise and comforting words. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. It means a lot

    February 25, 2014 at 5:03 pm #51754
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hello Dave,

    From someone who will be 50 soon, please know you are not the only one. I have a similar situation, and I find myself feeling jealous, feeling like he was “mine” and also feeling like I should have learned this by now. Maybe one point of solace is, that we are still young and heart, and have not gotten so jaded and cynical that we cannot feel. As I see so many of my friends turning 50, I see many who will never get involved with someone again out of fear of hurt. I so wish we could only push away negative feelings, but if we do, we push them all down.

    I am stuck too, plagued by feelings of jealousy and fear that I won’t be able to move on. I just wanted to write and show some solidarity, and to let you know you are not alone in feeling this way. People keep telling me it is normal.

    I’ll admit, I just wish “normal” didn’t hurt so much.

    So, I am sending loving, healing, peaceful energy your way!

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