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Am I too much to my ex?

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This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  anita 2 months ago.

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  • #225739

    Stybabe
    Participant

    I had a relationship with him on and off for the last three years. We broke up and back together couple times. I and he also met someone else between one of the breakup gap for 8 months,  earlier this year we were back together for another half year. The last break up, I found that he was flirting with someone else who just met for 10 days, I was so angry and left him that time. He came back after 8 months and said we can do better this time. I was growing up and seeing my dad was cheated my mother when i was in high school, tbh, I’m the person who really doesn’t have confidence in myself and on the relationship much, especially nowadays and this generation. We both very happy together, however, I couldn’t feel 100% comfortable to get back with him since the cheating caused a scar between us, we have different work schedule i don’t see him often i started checked his phone and follow his direction on find my friends, I didn’t feel secure enough to trust him won’t do it again. I caught him lied to me because there were some personal issues of him he didn’t want me to be worried/involved. Then we argued and the red flag on, our relationship is started to fall apart because I felt like he’s hiding something from me, but he said he didn’t because he just doesn’t want me to be worry.

    In his words, he feels exhausted by our relationship, feel like he always has to please me. He thinks I’m giving him too much pressure. My intention was never like that or do anything to hurt him. While we were arguing I said many things that I shouldn’t say, they were really bad content. I hurt him deeply and he hates me now. His parents don’t like me.

    I’m very upset and lost. I don’t understand why he ran away. I don’t know what should I do.

    #225781

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Stybabe:

    “I was growing up and seeing my dad was cheated my mother”.

    Your boyfriend hid “some personal issues” from you because, he said, he didn’t want you “to be worried/involved” but you believed that hiding was a form of cheating, correct?

    If you repeatedly questioned him, accused him, pointed to a lot of his words and actions, or lack of actions as “proofs” or grounds for your suspicion, then I understand why “he feels exhausted by our relationship”. It is “too much pressure” to be treated like a criminal, always under suspicion.

    “My intention was never like that or do anything to hurt him”- I understand that your intention was to feel better, to relieve your anxiety. Problem is that this very intention (the italicized)is what drives a lot of people to abuse others, just for that purpose.

    “While we were arguing I said many things that I shouldn’t say, they were really bad content. I hurt him deeply”- you abused him. “he hates me now”- that is the consequence of your abuse of him. And so, I would answer “Am I too much to my ex?”- yes.

    “I don’t understand why he ran away.”- too much pressure, I am thinking, just like he told you.

    “I don’t know what should I do”- accept the ending of this relationship, and do all you can to heal from your hurt and anger over your father cheating on your mother as well as other hurts that you still suffer from. Best you can do for yourself and for the future good man in your life is to heal. How about psychotherapy/ counseling?

    anita

     

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