Dear slider:

I know of a retired army colonel (a neighbor) who survived an almost deadly attack by a buffalo like animal in Vietnam, who has been giving orders to men for many years, who is quiet and submissive to his wife going on fifty years. No matter how manly, strong, what military accomplishments a man has, when it comes to the woman in a man’s life, my goodness, men are sensitive. So to your question (title of your thread); no, you are not too sensitive.

Criticism, especially what you describe as “very explosive and critical” is well.. very scary. I had a mother like that, very explosive and critical and I am still healing from it. The damage to me has been severe. Grown ups are most often still very sensitive to criticism. This is why so many people are people-pleasers, doing anything it takes to not be criticized.

Clearly, your wife will achieve nothing good in the relationship her way. It simply doesn’t work. If I was you, I wouldn’t try to … be less sensitive, to desensitize myself. I don’t think it is possible. She needs to stop the abuse or you must separate from the source of abuse.

No wonder the intimacy stopped- how can you possibly desire closeness with danger.

I don’t know her complaints. I am sure she feels very justified and yes, I am sure you are imperfect. Problem is that she is busy pointing the finger of blame at you while her finger should be pointed at herself.

Here is the ultimatum I suggest you give her, a co-ultimatum, maybe: unless she controls the expressions of her anger, unless she stops the abuse, you cannot and therefore will not attend to any effort to fix the relationship with her and separation is next.

Really, there is no other way to progress.

anita

Dear slider:

Too bad your wife, who knows your history, has no mercy for you. Does read like a bully.

If I was you, I would pack my things and leave first chance you get when she is not home. Stay somewhere safe, away from her. What is the point of having another “talk” when a talk means exposing yourself to another bullying session.

It doesn’t matter what her complaints are: as long as she bullies you, she is in the definite wrong and it is your job to protect yourself… not to take care of the bully, but to protect the one being bullied.

If I was you, I would not do the talk today- a losing proposition for you. Tell her you are not feeling well and pack your things and leave when she is gone and you predict her to be gone long enough for you to move out.

Once you move out, talk to her in the presence of a lawyer or a psychotherapist.

anita

Dear Slider:

You are a “HSP” (Highly Sensitive Person) and there is nothing wrong with being one – please read the book ‘The Highly Sensitive Person’ by Dr. Elaine Aron.

Re your marriage situation, please Do Not consume alcohol when dealing with the situation – alcohol fogs the mind and you will make wrong decisions or statements which will make the situation worse!

Both, you and your wife, seem to be nice people that have shut down in their own ways out of frustration with each other!!

Every marriage goes thru a tough period at some point and it is very difficult to find a good partner again. I would suggest trying to save the marriage by going to a marriage counselor – who knows, it could be that talking things out in the presence of an unbiased professional could begin the healing for both of you. If not, you would have at least tried to save the marriage.

God bless and good luck!

Marriage ruins everything.

” men give love to have sex, and women give sex to have love ” – exactly what it is unfortunately people are too confused with the whole ‘marriage institution’ to the point where real love and passion is forgotten .. sex and fancy life is what most of the people are blind by. If two people truly love and care about each other they don’t need to get married in front of totally stranger and spending fortune for ceremony … My 1st day as a wife – waking up in the morning and seeing my freshly married mistake – sitting next to my bed and counting money …. wtf? It was NOT something I would wish to any woman in the world.

Trust your guns 100% no matter what and even if something goes wrong – that’s life , let him/her go and stay friends – because remember – once the shared a life together … Once you wanted him/her to be happy with you. Divorces can be quite nasty in any way.. because people forget, and that’s why I am stuck. I know that my wont be the easy one. .

And the phone guy: he will have it all back one day / hopefully not at the same time – imagine the pain ;p