Forum Replies Created
September 27, 2016 at 4:37 pm #116499
thank you dreaming715 for your question and thank you anita for your reply… relates to my case completely.September 19, 2016 at 1:57 pm #115629
i like to think of love like energy… it cannot be destroyed, it only changes form. your letting her go was an act of love. and i am sure she still loves you, maybe only differently.September 18, 2016 at 9:45 am #115528
i’m a provider. my wife herself says that i treat her more like a daughter than a wife. that i have two daughters.September 18, 2016 at 9:20 am #115523
I think that I confuse wanting to take care of someone a lot with love. I don’t know if it makes me feel kind of superior.September 18, 2016 at 8:54 am #115511
Hi Anita, I feel that I would be happier and able to be myself. I even feel guilty for feeling this. I worry that if it ends, who is going to take care of her.September 18, 2016 at 5:24 am #115502
although it is hurting, maybe you should be thankful that you found out earlier that he is not the one rather than later because once you are married and with kids, things are much more complicated. do not close your heart. let the pain in and feel it to let it pass. because if you close it, you will also close it to the good because the heart cannnot distinguish, unfortunately. i know this because it is what i do, when i close my heart to the bad i also close it to the good. it is impossible to live life without getting hurt. we can only make better choices along the way.September 16, 2016 at 5:39 am #115344
i proposed to her to see a couples therapist. i also said i don’t want to be holding her back. that if she wants to be with someone else, fine. i love her but, if she wants to be free, fine. actually, she has a greater sex drive than myself. i am a man, and i want a connection before i have sex. that connection is lacking. she does not understand how i can go without for so long. i guess not all men are the same. they say men give love to have sex, and women give sex to have love. she once told me i fall in love with anyone who treats me well. she nailed it then. i guess she forgot. i want to start being honest, if we are to have a relationship at all. i want to stop lying to myself and to her. i am 40 now going on 41. i don’t want to spend the other half of my life like this. i love her, but love is not enough in a marriage. i know that now. i remember before i was married a coworker was talking with his wife on the phone, he was an elderly, he was like, ‘ok,, ok, ok’. when he ended, he banged the phone and told me, ‘never get married’. i laughed then but i keep remembering him now. he was such a nice guy. like me.September 15, 2016 at 6:52 pm #115297
thanks benzrabbit (wut kinda name is dat, by the way? lol!!!). i am writing a long letter to her to tell her my truth. how i really feel. cuz i can’t face her. i know she will tell me i am less than a man for not facing her, but she knows i have trouble talking about my feelings. i’ve told her so time and time again. i am actually a bit high on alcohol right now, because even to write to her i am wanting for courage. it sucks.
thanks for the tip. i am going to buy the book. i have known about highly sensitive people for a long time, but i never thought it applied to me. i took the test and actually unchecked the questions i was not so sure of and i still passed. i hate loud noise. i remember one day i was with my wife in the car and she was playing loud music, i said if she could turn it down because it bothered me and she said i was so gay. sometimes i wish i were gay, maybe my life would be easier. i actually admire gay people because they have the courage to go against the world and be themselves. maybe i need that. to be myself. only thing is i do not really know who i am. but then u suggested that i might be a highly sensitive person. it might fit. i have to investigate more in-depth to be sure. i don’t want a label or excuse, but i need to know why i am like this. my wife says it is all in my head. my doctor says it is all in my head. these are people i am supposed to trust. i feel they down play my situation.September 15, 2016 at 3:23 pm #115291
the last time i decided to move out, she told me she would give me hell and that she would make it hard for me to see my daughter. she said the same thing again yesterday, so i feel like i am not being given the right to choose. it’s like choose hell or hell.September 15, 2016 at 1:41 pm #115286
i too have a friend whose wife used to actually beat him. he is today with someone else and they get along very very well. my wife and i are going to have a talk today when she gets back from work. i am dreading the moment already, and i am taking sips of alcohol. i will probably drink when the time comes to talk to her because i really have no courage to speak my mind. it is something that is very hard for me. especially when i know i will hurt the other person. i want to separate, but then i keep thinking who will take care of her, how will she live. i worry a lot about her well-being. i don’t know if that means i love her. she complains that i only love her like a father, that i take care of her. but not as a husband. but i also do not see her as a wife. i see her as a bully. i told her once that i am afraid of her. i am a very weak person, i get depressed at any sign of criticism. i have been this way all my life. as far back as i can remember, i have been socially anxious. i remember peeing in my pants in class because i was too afraid to ask the teacher if i could go to the restroom. i have really suffered from this condition. things seemed to ease up later. i got married. everything seemed to be fine. but now it all seems to come back. when i have to defend myself and speak up, i can’t. i become mute. it kills me. she becomes angrier. i become more silent still. i kills me that i am like this. i end up hating myself.