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Am I wrong for cutting him off?

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  • #345900
    Melanie
    Participant

    I’ve been casually seeing him for 4 months. In the beginning everything was fine he said he didn’t want a relationship and I was fine with that. We would end up seeing each other often and ended up being FWB. Then he got possessive and angry with me out of nowhere and he’d try to make me feel bad for seeing other guys :(. We had a horrible argument I blocked him everywhere and went NC for few weeks til I gave in again because he kept reaching. I thought things would change between us and I gave him another chance bc Im kinda naive. We started seeing each other again. I noticed he was cold, he kept comparing me to other girls in conclusion treated me like trash. Eventually I got tired of being put down the whole time and blocked him everywhere this time with no explanation. Am I a bad person for doing this? I think there’s no point in explaining what Im feeling because I doubt he’d care. I want closure but I know hes immature. This time Im done for good because I really let his words get to me and make me feel insecure. I still feel horrible for cutting him off cold turkey tho ?

    #346050
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Melanie:

    No, you are not a bad person for blocking all contact with a person who treated you like trash with (“in conclusion treated me like trash.. being put down”), with no explanation.

    I think that it is a good idea though that you list for him his specific abusive behaviors (what he said to you, what he did to you). Doing so, you will provide him with an opportunity to correct his behaviors with future women in his life. It will be a public service act on your part, doing what you can to prevent other women from being hurt by him).

    Seems to me, by the way, that the FWB arrangement didn’t suit him at all, and that’s why he “got possessive and angry” with you. That doesn’t excuse his misbehavior, of course.

    Do post again with your thoughts and feelings, if you want to.

    anita

     

    • This reply was modified 2 months ago by anita.
    #346270
    Valora
    Participant

    Hi Melanie:

    This guy sounds like he was abusive and by blocking him, you showed that you will not tolerate abuse. This doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you a smart person. You care about how you’re treated, and that’s so important. You likely feel horrible because blocking someone cold turkey under normal circumstances is seen as rude, but in circumstances of abuse, it’s actually healthy. By blocking without explanation, you are not allowing someone to abuse you any further, and giving someone an explanation might give them a chance to verbally abuse you one more time.

    I say let the blocking be your closure. However, I also don’t think it would hurt to list his behaviors for him, like Anita mentioned, unless you think that would give him cause for him to pull you back in by promising to be different. If you think he would learn from what you say, it’s worth telling him, but if you think he’d brush it off and insult you further, I say just let this one go. Our minds think we need “closure” from other people in order to move on and feel better, but we really don’t. Blocking him was closing a door, and leaving it closed is closure. If you have things you want to say but you don’t want to speak to him, just hand write a letter on paper and then burn it… it can be a cathartic way to release feelings without having to speak to the other person.

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