- This topic has 10 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 1 month ago by Anonymous.
November 4, 2015 at 3:12 am #86720Nina SakuraParticipant
Can you share any story about some people who really helped you during a tough time?
Though I have faced the worst of the 9 years of depression alone, I was deeply touched by this act of concern and kindness shown by a dear friend, my boyfriend and also someone I hardly knew at all. It made me feel less alone as I was struggling with depression phase yet again. I wrote a long mail to her and told her what I was really feeling – most of it I dont tell people because its pretty disturbing. She read it very soon and tried calling me. However, thanks to 10 promotional calls in like half an hour, i put my phone on DND mode to study for a while peacefully.
Unknowingly, I had worried her more than I realized. She called my boyfriend and they decided to go for the nearest person who lived close to me. It turned out to be an elderly woman my best friend had made acquaintance of during her short visit to the city where I live. My boyfriend lives about 2 hours away by car. I suppose she was worried that I would harm myself in some way, plus I live alone anyway and dont have people nearby. I was startled to see this elderly woman at my door and she said “Your friend _____ has been worried. She was trying to call you” and gave me her phone. I talked to my friend and assured I was alright.
I then checked my own phone and saw so many missed calls. I didnt realize I had unwittingly worried so many people. I had heard about this elderly lady from my friend but I had never met or visited her. She talked to me a while and I was touched by her kindness. She had seen much suffering in her life but there was this strength in her eyes and care I could feel. Before she left, she hugged me and held my hand, told me that everything would be okay and I wasnt alone. I dunno why but I felt a part of me inside crumble – hard to explain that feeling of being overwhelmed with love and feeling oddly teary from inside like one is feeling an old emotion they forgot. Then my boyfriend rushed over to my place somehow at much inconvenience and stayed with me, no judgement, no comments, just plain love and a reassurance that it will be alright.November 4, 2015 at 4:53 am #86721InkyParticipant
My story isn’t dramatic like yours, and it isn’t even a story. It’s a changed mindset.
I was raised by slightly paranoid parents who were always afraid of being sued. Also grew up in an intellectual orbit and cut my teeth on double entendres, Survival of the Fittest dogma, and high brow radio/TV programs. So there was a part of me that TRULY, truly believed that people don’t care (not about me, anyway) and are only out for themselves (and their family if feeling charitable that day). That if they think about you at all, they would turn on you if they had to.
I grew up, moved, and life went on. Was raising my family in a similar “cosmopolitan” community, but softer around the edges because it was so child centric. Now my belief system unconsciously changed to “They’ll love you, but only if you’re 20 and under”.
Well, my FIL died. We drove 45 minutes away back to our hometown. All the townies and family members were there. It wasn’t a packed church, but most of the pews had at least some friends in them. Violins were playing outside the church and Scottish bagpipers were playing inside. I get up and say my speech, don’t notice anything/anyone out of the ordinary. Sit down. The military flag men were there. They folded up the American flag with pomp and circumstance and handed it to my MIL. Everyone was losing it with crying at this point.
I happen to look past my MIL and do a shocked double-take. Meeting my eyes and smiling were: The parish nurse and the head pastor of our church! We had told no one that my FIL had died, much less when and where the service was! And besides, this was 45 long minutes away from our home! They DIDN’T have to do this! They knew NO ONE! I wouldn’t have done it myself. Yes, they are paid to watch the flock, HOWEVER, I had never seen it IRL before!!
Some people really do Walk the Talk. They had to have followed my FIL’s progress (they did know he was sick), and find out from another town’s paper, make time and go. It seems like “nothing” but that one (ONE) act of kindness changed my belief system that people are (or can be) Good.
November 4, 2015 at 6:05 am #86723InkyParticipant
- This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by Inky.
Edit: Sorry, trumpets were playing outside. Trumpets outside, bagpipes inside, military drums at the end.November 5, 2015 at 5:20 am #86786Nina SakuraParticipant
Yep my story is pretty dramatic but had quite an effect on me at that point. Thank you for sharing @inky 🙂November 5, 2015 at 8:14 am #86792AnonymousGuest
Dear Nina Sakura/ Reader:
Two acts of kindness come to mind, two acts that make me emotional these very days:
1) A poem that was written for me on this very forum. Here it is:
You can’t beat her
She’s always here
to send good cheer
you want empathy?
then you’ll get empathy
you want sympathy?
then you’ll get sympathy
she can analyse
those inner selves
those naughty elves
she is so feisty
and not so fancy
she is direct
and usually correct
I could say god bless her
but she don’t believe”
Nobody has ever written a poem about me and for me that I remember. I wrote poems for others, not realizing then how much I tried to show others that I value them enough to write them a poem about their good attributes, I did so in my desperation to be valued myself. I have never gotten a poem until the other day here on this forum. It touched my heart deeply and still brings tears to my eyes. Someone special chose to write me a poem, about me, mentioning good things about me! About me, as if I matter, as if I am valued, as if I am appreciated… to think that I really am, at the writing of this poem, that I really was valued, appreciated.
2) That same person, on this very forum, sided with me, did what he could to protect me, to guard me against those who negatively criticized me. A person who took my side. Then that person took a beating for doing just that. This brings even more emotion in me, and my eyes are tearing again. I can’t tell you, reader, how much, how desperately I needed such a person in my early years and in the decades following, how desperately I needed someone on my side, someone that cared enough to overcome their own fear of criticism, of harm, so to help me, to protect me, to guard me. It is hard for me to see what I am typing because of the tears. This means so very much to me, there is nothing more meaningful to me than this.
Thank you so much, Jack. You mean so very much to me and I miss you terribly.
anitaNovember 5, 2015 at 11:53 am #86804
you deserve all the praise you get . But I’m going to scale back my presence on here, one reason being I may be actually causing you more harm than good. Other members showing resentment of our natural alliance which I had no political motive whatsoever. We gelled naturally and they felt left out, simple as that.
Keep on doing what you’re doing though because as Saisha said you are making a difference, the best I’ve seen on any forum. I don’t have that level of dedication and energy which is totally awesome.
I was going to do a fun LLama Jack eulogy (to myself)even I haven’t quite left yet. 🙂
Take care. the privilege has been all mine.
And as for real life. I’m not pretending I like you, your courage and tenacity. that’s the real deal!November 5, 2015 at 12:23 pm #86806
I’m hoping that poem I wrote for you leads to self-love, full and utter acceptance of yourself. because it is better for all of us not to become dependant on others’ love. That is like walking a tightrope, afraid to upset the other. Self-love is more useful, like a mobile phone, you can carry it around with you all the time. 🙂November 6, 2015 at 8:05 am #86852AnonymousGuest
I didn’t read yet your other recent posts. As to this one: you called it “natural alliance” between us and I like the term, especially the Natural part of it. I did not expect that, this natural alliance taking me for a ride of a lifetime- had no idea it was possible, couldn’t foresee it. It still amazes me and probably always will. I didn’t know, I didn’t realize the nature of living without protection my whole childhood and five decades overall. I didn’t realize what it meant until you came to my defense. You, with your fears, you displayed the kind of courage that nobody in my life did for fifty years. When I experienced how that feels, I also experienced by comparison, how it really was. You are my hero, Jack!
So about your thought that you may be doing me more harm than good, nothing I can think of can be FARTHER from the truth. You are it, Jack, you made the most BY FAR positive difference in my life on this forum and you, on this forum, together with three other people (in different ways) in my life otherwise, made the most positive difference in my life.
I am not here to make a difference in the lives of others. I am pleased when it is suggested that I do make a positive difference, but that I enjoy as a side effect of my real goal, which is to make a difference in my own life. To make a positive difference in my own life through interactions on this forum, I understand, it has to be a win-win. So I keep going as long as I get positive feedback from others, a few others, so that I know it is a Win proposition for some others.
About your last paragraph here, the self love thing- the amazing thing is that the more loving I am to another, the more love I feel for you, here, the more love I feel for myself. It is not this OR that. It is both. I am lovable because I am loving, is what I am finding out- through my interactions with you. I had no idea about this one. Remember Intellectual Irene? I thought my value was about my ability to analyze and figure things out intellectually, but I was wrong, my value is in my ability to love.
I am finding out those things from a Beginning-mind kind of position, not something I read. This is uncharted territory for me.
Of course I would like you to do what is right for you, regarding participating in this forum or not. Is it going to be a good practice for you, asserting yourself, standing up for yourself over and over again on this forum as practice for life outside this forum, as in the coffee shop or in a public speaking class? I don’t know, but that would be an example of how participation here might be useful for you. You decide and whatever you decide is okay with me. Sure I will miss you but in no way would I want you to act against yourself so to help me- this is not how things operate, always, it must be a Win-Win.
Of course, I am not excited about leaving my email address on this forum but I am absolutely willing, if you- in the context of your relationship with your partner outside this forum- are okay with it, I am willing to go that way. Maybe if either writes to the owner of the website who has our emails asking her to help in this regard, I am willing.
To your next post.
anitaNovember 6, 2015 at 9:18 am #86857
I can’t match the length of your posts, nor the quality I imagine… mmm don’t put the email on here that is for sure, endangering your privacy. I owe it to my partner for us to remain friends in the context of this forum only is what I’m trying to say. I’ll pop in here now and then. As I said before, these forum addictions are a concern. What happens is we get addicted to people, responses. Validation. Love.Acceptance. We get validation for being ourselves and that is not easy to get in the real world. usually we are encouraged to wear a mask, hide our true selves. We get rewarded for fitting in, being compliant, not complaining, not being a burden to anyone.
Not my last post but you take care, Anita.November 6, 2015 at 9:41 am #86864
I thought my value was about my ability to analyze and figure things out intellectually, but I was wrong, my value is in my ability to love.
That is a truly profound insight. And made me think about my own ability to love.
Buddhists say we should have a kind of neutral, equal kind of love for everyone, that is free of likes and dislikes. I don’t think I could ever achieve that kind of love. I don’t think I have this broad love and acceptance of humanity, which maybe you have I think.
November 6, 2015 at 11:16 am #86868AnonymousGuest
- This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by jock.
I understand and respect your concern for your partner and your relationship with your partner, and therefore choosing for our communication to be in the context of this forum only. I like it very much that you wrote that this is not your last post! Come back anytime. Like I wrote, there is the practice of courage and strength in doing so, with minimal consequences, it being online. And like you wrote, not being compliant here, on this forum, is an opportunity for being true and real. Why not take advantage of such an opportunity?
To your next post. Oh, and for as long as I am on this website, when you do post, you know I will be on your side!