September 30, 2016 at 12:07 pm #116791
I came across this talk and quite enjoyed it. Do try it out – maybe it will give an idea or two 🙂October 2, 2016 at 2:01 am #116921
I have no interest in this spell casting nonsense or sending money to Nigeria for the same. Take the scam somewhere else.
NinaOctober 2, 2016 at 7:09 am #116923AnonymousGuest
Dear Nina Sakura:
I like your assertion above and do hope this spell-casting-spamming again and again- will stop taking place here.
Regarding the talk above, personally don’t like to listen to online talks. If you’d like, share what you learned or what you like so much in that talk?
anitaOctober 2, 2016 at 9:12 am #116925
What I understood is summarized well here “In simple terms, Dr. Davila presents us with the idea of insight, mutuality, and emotion regulation. These skills will help anyone develop romantic competence.Romantic competence is the ability to function adaptively across all aspects of the relationship process: from figuring out what you need; to finding the right person; to building a healthy relationship and to getting out of relationships that are unhealthy.
Insight is one’s ability to know what you really want. Mutuality is being able to understand and communicate that you and your partner may have different sets of values, ideals and standards. Emotional regulation is a person’s ability to stay calm and think decisively even in challenging times.People who are romantically competent are more optimistic about marriage and actually being in relationships. These 3 crucial skills in building healthy romantic relationship should be something that we start working on as early as possible.”
Nothing super profound per say but useful for daily basis actually- especially emotional regulation.
NinaOctober 2, 2016 at 11:16 am #116936AnonymousGuest
I agree: especially emotional regulation- that is a big item in life, whatever the context. In my therapy that was the first thing my therapist worked on with me. Without it, people behave compulsively, impulsively… automatically, for a short term feel-good payoff and a long term disaster (the variety of addictions, destructive habits, abuse…)
anitaOctober 2, 2016 at 2:40 pm #116956
Yes, you are right, it’s the root of other things too. I remember this analogy I came across as the whims of the mind equivalent to that of a child whose ice cream is denied – they cry, they whine, sometimes we give in to those cravings but I think regulation is about letting the more objective adult within us rise.
My parents often tell me one learns a great deal of patience as they experience the challenges of life and that our generation is often uncomfortable with uncomfortable feelings – we seek instant gratification – that immediate answer, the quickest transaction, the short cut self development route but it takes piece by piece to truly make our way and immense patience, a steady state of mind is what needs to be cultivated.
I suppose that is partly what they implied as emotional regulation without saying it in jargon terms.
What means did your therapist equip you with to deal with uncomfortable emotions?
NinaOctober 2, 2016 at 8:33 pm #116964AnonymousGuest
Well articulated, your post above. My therapist’s first aim with the impulsive, highly reactive person I was, was to teach me how to endure uncomfortable feelings without automatically reacting to them by trying to get rid of the discomfort any which way. In that aim he employed many strategies, many tools:
Guided sitting meditations, disengaging from my overthinking brain and focusing on the senses (sight, sound, etc.), observing thoughts coming and going, focusing body sensations/ emotions- how it feels in the body.
Mindfulness exercises (moving meditation)- again, disengaging from the overthinking (wondering) mind and focusing on any of the five senses, doing so when walking, washing dishes, etc.
Teaching me assertiveness in real life circumstances as occurred; teaching me the concept of ILOC (Internal Locus of Control), that is making things happen instead of letting others make them for (or to) me- and in so doing, helping me be more resourceful and trusting my own ability to take care of myself.
And more. I’ll be back if I think of more but there is more. He was a multi disciplinary kind of therapist. Also I did lots of yoga and Tai Chi at the time and lots of exercise and that helped as well.
anitaOctober 3, 2016 at 11:21 am #117045
Your therapist sounds very good – even when I went through other threads where you mentioned about him, I was impressed with the level of care they took. It’s quite unheard of these days in the age of dry professionalism. I really identify with the impulsive, restless adult you mentioned – sometimes I still find myself getting too worked up over trivial things but with time it’s getting easier to be calmer. I will try some of the methods you mentioned here. It would be great to cultivate a healthier state of mind over time. Thank you for your efforts and patience with us all here. I am rather impressed with the time and care you put into listening to the posters here and wonder how you manage some of the contents emotionally. It must be a bit draining too at times when things get kinda negative and triggering, I wondering how one deals with those stimuli. Nonetheless, I hope to someday have the kind of compassion and patience you have. Got a long way to go.
NinaOctober 3, 2016 at 2:32 pm #117088AnonymousGuest
Yes, patience. I felt impatient ten minutes ago answering a thread. It is a matter of cultivating (the verb you used) it. I get better at answering threads but like you, I have a long way to go- as long as the years of life I have yet to live.
Good to read your posts on the Forums, quality posts!
anitaOctober 3, 2016 at 2:41 pm #117090
Thanks a lot for saying that, good luck on your journey and thanks once again for your time on this forum. I read here often and you have been so helpful here.