Chelsea,

I’m sorry for your fiery moments, and know how painful it can be to burn the heart. Consider a few simple steps.

First, accept that the anger is there. Its OK, the anger had a cause, and we can work out the needs behind it. But first, accepting that the emotion is there for now (or was there then), and giving yourself a little hug. It hurts to get mad, dims our sense of happiness, and a hug goes a long way.

Second, once we can accept the anger, we can turn our regret directly into healing by making the space to look and see what happened. Instead of “oh, how could I have”, consider “what was that!?!” or “cheerio, what a brilliant adventure in Chelsea land… now,what tripped me up?”. As we become curious in such a way, the regret turns into determination to solve the puzzle.

Finally, when we begin to see what caused the anger, we try not to do that again by preemptively making space on our side by meeting our needs. Said differently, consider what happens when we get hungry. Over time, our bodies get more and more attentive on the hunger, growling, making food more appealing, etc. Eventually, we become ravenous and will eat just about anything.

The same is true of our needs. For instance, say we feel the need to be heard by our loved one. We have some story or feeling that really needs to be shared, and over time that need builds. If we leave it unexpressed, eventually it bursts out, ravenously, as anger. “Listen up, you jerk!”. To meet this need preemptively, we attend it before it gets ravenous, before it explodes out. “Hey, so there’s this thing I want to talk about, do have a few minutes to hear me?” Said differently, when we can accept our anger ties into some need, and meet that need gently, then we eat before we’re starving, so we don’t overdo it, blurt, gorge, blame, etc.

Namaste, sister, may your temper find temperance.

With warmth,
Matt

Hello Chelsea, this is my first post here… so let me take this opportunity to welcome myself by welcoming you to my world. I am so glad you’re here. It is an honor to share a moment in time with you, my sister today. Looking toward a healthy solution is exactly why I fell into this forum. On my spiritual journey… I found that I was doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. Something I’ve intellectually known to be the silly endeavor of insanity for quite some time… but apparently did not know the depths of my own life experiences playing out the epitome of this crazy making! I am here to embrace the fact that I have been walking into a wall for some time now, and expecting it to be warm hug. Nope – it’s just a brick wall… hard… scratchy… and standing firm and cold.

I find hope in the posts above, that I am finally in the right place… and that I can tear down my walls. They are only imagined anyway I suppose… just a story I am telling myself.

Looking at it with humility, I see that I was finding myself in a desperately lonely place and angry that the wall couldn’t be what I wanted it to be. I plan to accept that being angry is a protective emotion, and while it served it’s purpose to help me survive up to this point – it is no longer needed, and I can release that survival skill into the Universe today – and let it go.

Allowing myself to feel it, grieve what ‘could have been’ and feel all the emotions that come with grief, I can recognize that anger is only part of the whole. I am also sad, would love to believe things are different than they are, would certainly pay to have this feeling taken away… and all the other things that come with the stages of grief. I can accept that if I am to move on to the final stages of forgiveness and acceptance, I must allow myself to feel what I do, release the energy with a thank you for the help – and allow myself to let it all go in acceptance for what is. The Universe does have everything, and everyone as it needs to be. While it can be maddening or sad – accepting that truth is the only path to freedom for me. I wish everything could be perfect, but then again, I would not appreciate the feelings of freedom, peace and joy if it were.

I do not get to be in charge today – and the sooner I can release my importance to the whole – the sooner I can relax and let the peace and true me flow.

I hope to hear more from your journey xoxoxoxxo,

In progress,
Tash