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    Hi everyone,


    I’m posting again about my ‘relationship’ anxiety.  I started seeing someone, and things are great.  I’m again putting this guy on a pedestal which I’m really trying not to do.  We have had an amazing time together, and I know he really likes me.  Anyways, I had to have the talk with him that I have herpes (I hate even writing that).  This has always been such an insecurity for me, as I think no one will accept me.  Anyways, I told him and he had a mixed reaction to it.  He said it didn’t change how he feels about me, but needs to do research and process.  It’s been over a week since I told him and since then  he has been different towards me…ie, not so affectionate with his words etc.  He hasn’t been texting as much, and he is away this week on a work re-treat.  He told me that he would message me the next day after seeing him, and he didn’t.  He’s now away on this work trip and I have seen him online but he hasn’t messaged me.  I know he is most likely really busy, but it hurts that he hasn’t said hi.  I know it has only been a day or two, but we haven’t gone a day without talking, and we talk on the phone for at least an hour every day.  I just get this strange vibe from him now that I told him.  Anyways.  I can’t stop worrying that he’s just not going to accept it, and that it’s just a matter of time before he ‘dumps’ me.

    I’m trying to relax and tell myself not to worry, that he’s just busy with work, and probably needs space to think about me and us as well.  This anxiety of mine is such torture, and I really want to let things progress naturally and not worry so much.


    Hello Heartbrokengurl,

    Is this the guy you were seeing in April?

    I can understand why your anxiety is amped up after sharing something deeply personal and difficult for you.  You want reassurance, and he’s not giving you that, at least not at this point.  He might be processing things or he might be trying to find a way to tell you something he knows you don’t want to hear.  Given that he has been distant and not texting as much, not calling or messaging, I’d be prepared.  If it’s just torture for you to wait to heard from him, if you haven’t hear from him on the third or fourth day, I would reach out to him.  Be as unemotional as possible, and ask him where he is at with you and everything you told him.  You have a right to know, as much as he had a right to know your circumstances.

    Please post any time.



    • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Airene.

    There are many forms of herpes if I’m correct. I don’t know what you know about your herpes but if you do, share this with him, if you don’t, find out and then share this with him. It’s quite obvious that he’s bothered with this. If you feel there is something wrong you’re probably right. Imagine if he’s having bad thoughts… These thoughts are no good for your relationship, so you should try to help him remove these thoughts. I don’t know you and I don’t know him or your herpes, so it’s up to you how you deal with this. But you should deal with this for sure, in stead of letting both of you suffer from this awkward radio silence.

    Share with us how things go, I’d like to know.

    Good luck !


    Dear Heartbrokengurl:

    Welcome back, good to read from you.

    I am thinking, because of the persistence of your anxiety, the persistence of your worrying that a man will withdraw from you and how much of a torture it is for you (“This anxiety of mine is such torture”)-

    why not assume this man will not call you, or that if he will call again, then he will not be interested in a relationship with him, or that if he will express an interest, that a relationship will be short and end soon enough.

    This has been the reality of your dating life most often, hasn’t it? So why not adjust your expectations to what you already experienced?

    It is often recommended to be positive, to have positive expectations. But it is not always a good idea. When a person is as persistently anxious as you are and have been for so long, better adjust to the reality of your anxiety and the reality that men have withdrawn from you before, repeatedly.

    If it works out with this man, let it be a surprise. A very pleasant surprise.


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