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Anxiety, Detached.

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  anita 2 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #278431

    Emily
    Participant

    Hello lovelies!

    This is my first ever forum post. I’m looking forward to getting into this community.

    December 6th 2018 I had my wisdom teeth taken out and I was petrified. My anxiety took over and they actually put me out mid anxiety attack (they say how you go out is how you come out, so I’m not surprised of my complications). I woke up feeling so hazy and out of it (from anesthesia obviously, but this was a whole other level), I was actually completely convinced for a couple of weeks that I was in a coma somewhere, that’s how dreamlike life felt. I haven’t fully recovered from that. I developed derelization and it has been freaking me out so much to say the least. I started falling down the rabbit hole of “is life real?” “is this a simulation?” then it all turned into a existential crisis and I had my first ever panic attack. My body has been in fight or flight mode since then. I get on with my life because I have to, I’m 20 years old and a professional musician but I seriously don’t feel all there. I feel like my brain is floating elsewhere and I’m struggling to come back to myself. When people talk to me I’m just like, looking at them but I don’t really hear the words their saying. I feel like my life is just passing me by and I’m scared.

    I wake up every morning in this existential state and I really really try rubbing it off but honestly feeling detached and questioning everything about my entire life has become exhausting. I used to go to the gym everyday, I’m extremely healthy. Never drank before, never smoked, vegan lifestyle. But since my teeth coming out, I don’t go to the gym anymore, I don’t do much anymore. I’ve become somewhat scared of my own life and existence. This probably makes no sense. I just don’t really know what else to do, so I’m ranting on here.

    I’m doing CBT therapy right now, and will continue for the next few months. I just feel like my life has been completely hindered. I know it’s only been 2 months but it’s been so drawn out and exhausting. My mind just doesn’t stop. The existential thoughts just don’t stop. I’m a strong person. I know I’ll get by. I do positive affirmations everyday, I meditate, I’m into the whole sage burning, palo santo, energy healing stuff. I have crystals that I carry on me, but now it’s time to conquer my mind.

    I feel a bit un capable of feeling emotions right now. I feel somewhat numb. It’s odd as I’m a very emotional human being. This fight or flight mode just hasn’t gone away and I’m trying everything I can to calm myself down. Has anyone else ever felt this way? I have no idea. I’ve developed constant headaches and so much tension in my poor body that my health anxiety has me convinced I’m dying. I feel physical symptoms of anxiety, light headedness, shortness of breath, feeling like I’m floating, etc. I’m just afraid now it’s something physical so I’m going for a neurological exam and maybe an MRI … am I just being a hypochondriac? I’ve never in my life had complications like this before. I just got diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder but it doesn’t make sense to me. Man, life has been a trip. I feel stuck. I want to feel connected again. I don’t like feeling like I’m stuck in some matrix system alone. Also winter isn’t helping. I hardly go outside, so my connection with nature has been non existent. Things just haven’t been the same since my wisdom teeth surgery… I wish I never got them out. I miss who I used to be.

    Ugh, so sorry for this long rant. You’re an absolute legend if you read this all. Thank you.

    #278539

    azu
    Participant

    Hi,

    Sorry to hear you are going through so much right now, my heart goes out to you. Anxiety is scary and can be about anything. In my opinion, you seem like a very health-conscious person, and possibly having your tooth taken out scared you a bit because it symbolises that you are mortal, teeth decay just as we do. That is a scary thought.

    I injured my leg once at the gym by lifting too heavy and I had awful sciatica. I stopped going to the gym for 6 months after that, even when I was perfectly well. I thought I was just being lazy but deep down I was scared of injuring myself again, I felt old and weak. I didn’t trust my body anymore.

    Do you still trust your body? Do you still think your body is strong? Maybe think about this.

    Also, anxiety is very complex and can be due to a combination of things, even though you may not feel like it, try some mindful meditation or deep breathing to make it a habit.

    Good luck,

    azu xx

    #278541

    Frederick
    Participant

    Emily,

    You have expressed yourself so beautifully, so many strive their entire life to achieve what your mind has done for you. A perfect escape-I have experienced all you speak of and so much more. You may ask yourself what is the alternative. The alternatives are innumerable versus the negative feelings you have, a reaction as if this is something bad. Looking at many other cultures within many of them this is a very unique and special experience. Only a good mind can be blown, your mind needs lots of rest so let it rest in knowing that this is the new you. Feelings are temporary so please listen. Being victimized by your new reality would become a downward spiral, that would be horrific you don”t want to become a victim so you may ask yourself how many others has this happened to how do they cope, well you are coping by reaching out. Keep reaching out your conquest has begun you may now become a seeker, of knowledge. Instead of derealization I call this realization. In another culture this can be called impostor syndrome in another enlightenment and normal as it is to be suffering it isn”t a choice right now in your near future it will be a choice. You are one in all the billions on the earth right now except you like many are stuck looking in so looking inwardly. Know that we all are suffering the same discovery you have made except you have become aware. You and I have to answer the knock on the door we are seeing feeling and touching the introspection of others as well as our own. I sometimes look at the story of “Scrooge” the ghosts of the past present a future visit him in his dreams he makes a choice to become a loving giving caring person perhaps you can understand that many others need you right now. Perhaps to be able to put aside your own suffering may you help another? Think of all the good kind and selfless deeds you have done for others in your life, can you do more? Doing one kind deed an act of love once or twice a day may allow you to see the inner connectedness,  the needs we all have and no matter how much we have we all need love and approval, can you give that ? Emily Thank you for you allowing me to give you my insight.

    #278551

    jane
    Participant

    Hi Emily,

    Just wondering…

    Does this sort of describe you?:

    She says: <i>’I’m not myself, I don’t have boundaries, I feel transparent, everybody can penetrate my energy; people don’t see me, and hurt me with their trolley in the supermarket, the world seems unfriendly to me; I hear myself talking as if someone else is talking for me, my thoughts go faster than my voice and I make mistakes; my feelings are gone and I feel as if things don’t touch me any more, but I get angry about trifles, even about things that happened in the past.'</i>

    She has headaches because her neck feels stiff and her sleep is unrefreshed.

    She says: <i>’Life is a burden to me, full of things that I have to do and I don’t want to do; I am apprehensive of everything, even agreeable things and I am afraid of being incapable; I merely survive, I have the feeling that there is nothing enjoyable to live for.'</i>

    After taking this natural remedy for about 2 weeks, she now says the following:

    1. I feel happier, more confident when perturbing things happen, less negative
    2. I am gentler and more amiable/warmer
    3. I am more aware of what I feel myself
    4. I distinguish clearly between what is agreeable and disagreeable to me; I distinguish clearly what are my sorrows and problems and what those of other people; I am able to stay out of their problems now
    5. I have deeper feelings, I express my likes and dislikes more clearly
    6. I feel stronger, more positive, happier
    7. I care more about my clothes, how I look
    8. I feel more open, less anxious; I realise that only I can improve my condition; I’m doing what I feel that I really want to do
    9. I am more efficient, no longer procrastinate; I get on and do it
    10. I rearranged everything in my house
    11. I am more conscious of what I see, I watch better, I am more aware; I experience the outer world as more real; I participate now in what happens and do not just let things happen
    12. I finally have the desire to live
    13. I have more common sense, seeing things more clearly, more as an adult
    14. I’m doing what I feel I really want to do; I distinguish clearly between what is agreeable and what is disagreeable; I clearly indicate my frontiers; before an examination I feel much less that I have to prove myself, am very relaxed and study efficiently; I feel more structure in my thinking and doing; I am capable of distinguishing the essentials from the side-issues; I have a deeper observation; seeing not only things and people but also feeling them; I feel more in touch with everything
    15. I feel more adult towards my mother: this is my life, don’t interfere with it
    16. I am more easy-going, less fastidious; no longer have the urge to finish everything the same day
    17. I accept myself better and have less anxiety about not being accepted by others; I am less sensitive to what others say about me
    18. I feel more in touch with reality, more conscious of good relationships around me; I have started to clean up the house, more than ever before; I am more silent, feel less urge to talk
    19. I feel as if reborn; much more independent, easy-going and stable
    20. I am more stable, the chronic fatigue is gone, I have much more energy; I am much more self-confident, I have less sensation of being the scapegoat, more capable of leaving others to sort out their own problems
    21. I feel less easily disturbed; I no longer feel anxious about my children and husband; the sadness has completely left me; I feel quieter and my concentration is much improved
    22. I am more introspective, I feel more free, more profound, more self-aware, I can be more vulnerable; my feelings have deepened, I feel things in my belly instead of in my throat; I feel closer to other people; I say “I love you” with my heart instead of just with my mouth
    23. I am fulfilling my own needs now, and no longer have the sensation that other people are usurping me
    24. I am more conscious of my boundaries; I am more aware of my feelings, I was too cerebral; I feel better in my body
    25. I can say “no” more easily
    26. I am more alert; it is easier to manifest myself; I feel more harmonious inside; inner chaos and restlessness have disappeared; I am able to see auras.
      …………………
      Let me know, okay, Emily?

      All my love,

      Jane

     

    #278615

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Emily:

    You cited the Dec 6, 2018 event of your wisdom teeth being pulled out as what started your severe anxiety.

    On another thread yesterday, you posted: “I’ve gone through a huge spiritual awakening and I was convinced I was losing my mind. I felt so detached. My ego was suffering”.

    Is the pulling of your wisdom teeth the event that started your severe anxiety and your spiritual awakening or did the awakening take place before Dec of last year?

    anita

    #278987

    Emily
    Participant

    Frederick,

    Thank you so much for your reply and taking the time to send me some clarity. I love what you said about doing kind deeds in order to feel more of that inner connectedness, I agree completely. I also agree that I have opened my eyes and come to a huge realization as well. I view the world so much differently but I almost see this  as a spiritual awakening. Just trying to learn how to cope with all this new information and viewing the world in a different way then others.

    #278991

    Emily
    Participant

    Jane,

    What you sent me was absolutely beautiful. I can relate. I’m honestly going to start reading those things to myself every day. thank you so much.

    #278995

    Emily
    Participant

    Anita,

    This took place after my wisdom teeth coming out! Everything started spiralling down. I became so much more self aware. My ego was suffering immensely and for a while I was convinced I went through an ego death. I experienced so many signs of a spiritual awakening but also my anxiety got immensely worse. I never had suffered from true anxiety. I’ve never had panic attacks, anxiety attacks, etc until my teeth came out, but those occurrences are very rare, only happened 3 times in the span of 2 months and I don’t see a future with any anxiety attacks anytime soon. I reacted badly to the anesthesia and suffered from sleep apnea for a week due to that. Was tough times. But I’m not going to let a past event hinder me to this extent. It’s happened and I can’t go back. I can only go forward. I just feel weird. A bit out of body, detached. It’s odd.

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by  Emily.
    #278997

    Emily
    Participant

    Azu,

    Thank you so much for your reply. Mindfulness definitely helps, writing down every day what I’m grateful for really helps as well. I’m doing all I can. I really do trust my body, I know both my mind and body are strong. I need to keep letting myself know that.

    #279005

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Emily:

    Dec 6, 2018, exactly two months ago, your wisdom teeth were taken out. During that event, at the dentist office or clinic, you experienced an anxiety attack. When you woke up from the anesthesia, and after you experienced as I understand it intense  fear and the brain’s/body’s reaction to intense fear.

    The brain/body reacts to intense fear by disassociating, or as it is known in the animal world, the “Freeze reaction”. There are three reactions to perceived danger: Flight (running away from the perceived danger so to escape it), Fight (fighting the perceived danger so to disable/ kill it), or Freeze. The Freeze reaction is the animal playing dead, only it is not playing, it looks like it is dead and in looking dead, the hope is that the predator will leave it alone.

    The way the animal is able to look dead, to not run away in fear, is that it feels numb, it feels what you have felt: like it is in a dream, nothing is real, not being there, floating elsewhere, detached, numb,  odd. These emotional experiences make it possible for an animal to not move while right there in the predator’s presence, sometimes in the grip  of the predator’s mouth.

    At the dentist, neither running away, once under anesthesia, nor fighting were possibilities for you, this may be why the Freeze reaction took place. Then over time, as the Freeze experience continued, it itself scared you, as in.. why am I feeling so odd, what is wrong with me..?

    I experienced this myself, the fear and the Freeze. Once I realized what the freeze reaction was about, I understood that it didn’t mean that there was something wrong with me, but that I reacted like any other animal reacts when neither Flight or Fight are options.

    anita

     

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