Going through the pain of a sudden breakup is never easy. Give yourself some healing time, spend time with friends and family so you are not thinking about being in a relationship. Love yourself and be kind to yourself. Once you have healed you’ll be able to give love and get love the way you want it. Hope this you better soon. Take good care of yourself.

Dear Tracey,

I think we’ve all felt some part of what you are feeling right now at one point or another. It’s very easy to give advice and say just think positive thoughts, but many times we don’t realize that those positive thoughts are not available to people who are used to seeing the glass-half empty – and after an experience live you’ve had how could you not see the glass half empty. In my experience working with various people on their life goals, their attitude, and how to build a better happier self, there are a few tricks that work even for that “sky is always grey” kind of person,

1. Start small. Taking the leap from being a negative person is not an easy task. Even if you succeed for a few things, you will always revert back to what you know best. So start small. Instead of jumping to being positive, start with just being less negative. Work that step by step into your life until it becomes natural.

2. Understand that it’s a process and catch yourself when you’re about to go to that dark place. Sometimes, if you can catch yourself before you get full on dark side, it’s easier to come back from it.

3. Set reasonable goals. A lot of people who see the dark side also tend to put themselves down because they set goals that are completely out of their reach and have a hard time achieving them. With that in mind, take it step by step.

4. Find reasons to celebrate. This one is a pretty straightforward one. No matter where you are in your life, there’s always something nice and positive in it. It may be shadowed by the negativity, but it’s still there. Try to find it.

5. Hang out with positive, trusting people. They will drive you crazy in the beginning, you will roll your eyes at every word they say, but it rubs off. We are in a way a product of our environment and everything around us shapes who we are.

I don’t know if the person you are dating right now is the one for you. You don’t know either, but if you never give him a chance and you continue to sabotage the relationship, you will never know. You’ve already been through a terrible thing and you’ve made it on the other side so you know exactly how strong you are and what you have overcome. What you don’t know is how strong your ability to love is after you have been hurt. Remember, this person is not your ex, don’t punish him for the things your ex did.

Tracey,

I wanted to let you know I can relate. Have you ever read about attachment hunger? We were all affected by our early childhood relationships with parents and loved ones. In situations where there were not healthy bonds, we try in many ways to recreate or “conquer” the challenges of early childhood in our adult relationships. I will tell you that I’ve always thought it was cliche to think about “mommy” or “daddy” issues as being contributors to unhealthy adult relationships, but the book “How to Break Your Addiction to a Person” by Howard Halpern (a valuable tool to help me through my own breakup) really opened my eyes to the ways these early childhood/infant experiences can shape how we relate to others in later life. Take it for what it’s worth, as an idea to explore. It may not resonate with you, but it could explain why you feel clingy and anxious regarding your new partner.

This article may be of interest: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-human-experience/200902/emotional-hunger-vs-love

Enjoy your weekend with the man 🙂