There has to be a balance in relationships. It isn’t all about changing ourselves for others but working together on compromises that both can feel good about. No One should be callous or verbally abuse you. That worries me more than anything and I would caution you to not be bullied and nagged into losing your voice and your desires. Egolessness doesn’t mean giving your power or voice to someone else. You Might want to reconsider a relationship that causes this much angst and feels so toxic. Change is something we all do to become better people, not to check the boxes of people whom we feel are controlling us and verbally abusing us. That isn’t what love and commitment are about.