Home→Forums→Relationships→attracting love and stuff
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Wisdom.
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January 31, 2016 at 10:59 am #94401
WisdomParticipantnow idk how to ask this exactly. idk if it would make sense.
anyway i was reading through a book and there was a piece talking about attracting love. apparently, with whatelse was said i’m at a block. i feel unlovable and blah blah blah, but does that affect who our soulmates will be? like for instance – if they’re ready for love, but you are not – would they find someone else? would god assign them to someone else?
January 31, 2016 at 11:16 am #94403WisdomParticipantor maybe i really am just not lovable. i’m not small and petite. i don’t really think i look or seem delicate and that makes me feel ugly. and i have ugly feet. i’d hate for someone i like to see my feet. it’s already pretty sucked up that they’re size 11s.
January 31, 2016 at 11:20 am #94404
AnonymousGuestDear Wisdom:
My thoughts following reading your short thread:
About reading books: not everything published is true. The concept of Critical Reading as in Critical Thinking is to evaluate what you read, hear others say, and decide for yourself, over time, if it takes time, what is accurate and what is not.
Regarding attracting love: if a person is closed to love, is very angry or very fearful (or both), then other than calming that person again and again… when they are fearful and angry, there is nothing you can do so to extract the love inside them…
When you are calm and not so worried about what people think of you, then you are less focused on yourself and can focus on others, see them for who they are. That will encourage others to get close to you because everyone (?) likes to be seen, likes attention for who they are.
I don’t think there is a god that assigns people to people. If there is, he is doing a bad job at it because there are more couples that suffer together than couples that comfort each other consistently, is my experience.
anita
January 31, 2016 at 11:57 am #94407AnonymousGuestDear Wisdom:
Again, we posted at the same time so as I typed the above, it was before I saw your second post. You wrote: “or maybe i really am just not lovable. i’m not small and petite. i don’t really think i look or seem delicate and that makes me feel ugly. and i have ugly feet. i’d hate for someone i like to see my feet. it’s already pretty sucked up that they’re size 11s.”
As I wrote to you on your first thread here, you are lovable. The fact that you don’t believe it yet, or that you often do not believe it does not mean you are not lovable, only that you don’t know it at the moment.
No matter your shoe size, how big your feet are, you are lovable. I know it feels like you are not, when you look at your feet… but what we feel is to be evaluated, understood so we get the true message behind any particular feeling…
When you look at your feet and feel badly, the true message is maybe something like: someone hurt you, hurt your feelings, made fun of you, of how you look (maybe not your feet specifically). The true message is: someone unloving hurt you. The untrue message is that you are unlovable.
Can you consider that the people who made fun of you for your physical looks were UNLOVING instead of thinking that you are unlovable…?
anita
January 31, 2016 at 12:36 pm #94413WisdomParticipantanita –
on considering people are unloving: even though i’ve encountered a handful of people i’ve grown to consider pretty evil, i think that somewhere they have love. maybe not for me but they have it. and i also tend to believe that everything is written so maybe little things like people picking on me or anything of that sort is for a reason. maybe it’s something owed to me from my past life? i’ve been doing a lot of thinking on that. i have no idea who i was or what i’ve done before, but maybe i deserved it.
on being lovable: it’s a really hard thing to believe. the process is going to take a while for me to actually understand and register that i’m able to be loved and lovable, but it’s confusing. it always seems that other people (especially girls) get this kinda wonderful attention where people want to be with them or even just talk to them, and then with me it’s nothing. and it’s even more confusing because some of the people that come to mind can say the same things i say about myself about themselves, but yet and still, they still get that special attention. i could just be no one’s particular type, but i’m pretty fine with being me. i know i can’t be anyone else. actually loving me is taking some time. i keep in mind that nobody’s better than anybody, but would you say many of us are on different kinds of levels? like spiritually?
does the universe really give us what we ask for? no matter how we feel (whether we’re in doubt or sorrow)?
January 31, 2016 at 1:56 pm #94423AnonymousGuestDear Wisdom:
I agree with you that all people have love in them somewhere. I believe all people were born loving and lovable. And that in childhood, many people get hurt, badly and they stop being loving and many continue to hurt others, to pass on their hurt.
People love who they value or what they value. Most people value power so they place their love with the powerful and they hurt the ones they perceive to be weak, children, their own children.
To believe you are lovable, indeed it is a process that takes time and attention, learning, over time.
The girls that get the attention… many girls pay for that attention with their bodies, an exchange and that is very sad.
I don’t believe in past lives, in karma from past lives. I don’t believe I deserved the hurt I received- not at all and this is the tragedy: as children we do not deserve the hurt, not at all. It is a tragedy and a fact of life: most pain we experience, we did nothing to deserve, not in any life.
keep posting, Wisdom, keep communicating with me… it is very helpful to me and I hope it can be helpful to you too!
anita
January 31, 2016 at 2:10 pm #94426WisdomParticipanti’m glad i’m helping in some way possible and you’re definitely helping me. helping me to see balance even though it’s something i have to apply you know?
also, is there a thin line between letting god do work and then us on earth doing work? do you think that the butterfly effect is something that actually does change our lives drastically? i almost feel like there are things we shouldn’t do because it’ll change the whole set of everything that’s supposed for us. that might be a little silly, but it’s definitely something that worries me. and i don’t necessarily worry about bad things happening, but maybe things being delayed because i did this or that. just personal growth being tampered with because of something i’ve either done wrong or too soon.
January 31, 2016 at 4:44 pm #94483AnonymousGuestDear Wisdom:
I don’t believe in destiny, in a script of what is going to happen. There are a lot of random things happening, acts of nature, acts of people… lots of abuses, anger and when people get hurt, often they pass on the hurt so hurts and abuse pass on from generation to generation and from person to person and there is a lot of that.
There is no godly plan for anyone’s life, is my belief. When you, when I heal from our hurts, when we heal our emotions and able to use them as guides, then we become wise and make better choices as well as feel well, in control, not total control but adequately in control of our lives.
The Guiding force to what any person is supposed to do is in the combination of our logic and our understanding of our emotions. When logic and emotion work together well, we direct our own lives, our own… destiny, so to speak.
anita
January 31, 2016 at 4:58 pm #94488WisdomParticipantwhat’s your religion, anita? your views sound very buddha-based.
January 31, 2016 at 5:19 pm #94502AnonymousGuestDear Wisdom:
I have no religion. I believe in these Buddhist principles (which are heavily incorporated into secular psychotherapy in the U.S):
Peeling off inaccurate projections (distorted beliefs, false assumptions, wishful thinking, etc.) from what is so to see the bare minimum of reality, simply: what it is.
Mindfulness: paying attention to what is going on inside me and in my environment, the opposite of being spaced out, dissociated, as I used to be.
These are two, there are more: emotions are guides, carrying messages that need to be seen and attended to….
anita
February 11, 2016 at 8:28 am #95786
HeikkiParticipantHi Wisdom,
From all of the reading and listening I have done, I believe you can have multiple soul mates in life. Most recently I heard a teaching that you do not want to rush a soulmate into your life, as they may not be ready for it spiritually and have more growth to accomplish and then you won’t be in alignment with one another.
You seem very hard on yourself. When you think thoughts that are negative about yourself such as your feet, think a positive thought. Have you ever read The Untethered Soul? It really is a helpful book in aiding one of getting out of your thoughts.February 13, 2016 at 12:50 pm #95978WisdomParticipantheikki –
i am just seeing this reply and i actually have a question: what if they’re never ready in this life? will they be with us in the spiritual world?
also, how do you know for sure someone is your soulmate? even if you’ve never met them face to face, could you tell?
i haven’t read that book, but i’m going to look it up! i actually am very interested in any book that can seem to help at this point. i don’t know if i can depend on my own judgement on listening to god. i feel like i mistake way too many things and i don’t know what’s real if i keep putting veils in front of me.
i agree with you that we can have more than one soulmate, definitely! i believe my grandpa was mine, but there’s also someone else i believe is mine too, yet i overthink it too much because i like this person a lot…A LOT. and it blinds me sometimes, to see and know that he is my true soulmate.
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