I found out my partner of 2 years has been micro-cheating (i.e. talking to women on the internet, claiming he is in an “open relationship” which is definitely not the case). It has been confirmed there is more that I don’t know about, so I have ended things and told him to move out.

Earlier in the relationship he had mentioned has been an issue for him in the past, but said he was too in love with me and worked on himself too much for it to be a problem now. He has a very dark history of repeated sexual abuse as a child and this has given him a warped relationship with sex. I love him, but he wasn’t healthy and/or ready to be in a relationship. I am attached to what could have been, but I’m very aware this was leading somewhere much worse, so I ended things.

He is now trying multiple styles of therapy (group, individual, EDMR) to address this issue head on for the first time. He is devastated (close to suicidal although assures me this won’t happen) and I know he wishes he could fix things, though he has been good enough not to ask for that outcome.

My problem is that I am still invested in his journey and development, I want him to get better so badly, even if it means a healthy relationship with someone else. On many levels I already know what I need to do, but I want to hear from people who maybe have been through something similar, were you ever able to keep a friendship?

I know he’s not going to get better overnight, or even in a linear manner, and I refuse to be collateral. But I also want him to know he has someone in his corner for life, without him confusing this with hope for a reunion.

Anyway, any advice/commiseration is appreciated.

E

• This topic was modified 12 months ago by Sarah Jeanne Browne.
• This topic was modified 12 months ago by Sarah Jeanne Browne.
• This topic was modified 12 months ago by Sarah Jeanne Browne.