I recently got together with my ex, whom I dated for a little over a year. We were broken up for a month, but we neither of us could cut off communication from each other. Even when I blocked him from everything, I found myself unblocking him the next day to see if he messaged me at all. I tried to move, I even started talking to other boy who I started to develop feelings for. But it just didn’t feel right. I couldn’t stop thinking of my ex, of the future we planned out together and all of the things we promised each other. I had romantic interest in the new guy but I couldn’t bring myself to forget about my ex nor stop trying to talk get in contact with him. My ex had taught me so much about life and love, he really opened up my eyes and was there for me during the bad times. We’re back together and now it seems as if the image of him I held on to is dissolving. I was so sure that I wanted him back in my life, but now that he’s back it feels off. I can’t explain it and I’m hoping someone can give me some input to what I might be feeling?
Our relationship was never really perfect, in the beginning I felt the biggest mistake we made was promising things to each other. My ex was a drug user and I was going down that path, already having an addiction to alcohol. We would often make promises to stay clean for each other, I did keep my promise but it was him who often broke them. Which resulted in be constantly feeling like I was never good enough, sending me into states of depression. When he finally did decide to make a change (half way into our relationship) I was broken. After months of trying to be supportive and there for him when he refused to tell me how he felt, it was like I gave up hope (something I regret today). I was the one who started acting out, overreacting and acting on my insecurities resulting in huge fights that would last the whole day. Towards the end of our relationship, it became toxic.
Now that we’re back together he has made an effort to make things better and so have I, we’ve been going out of each others way to make sure we’re okay and feeling loved. He’s doing anything he can to make this relationship work, but I’m not sure why I feel so off. I love him and when we weren’t together I wanted him more than anything but now that we are together, I get this feeling of remorse. I have my doubts.