Dear Jock, Roxanna and Anita,
thank you for trying to help me.
I don’t want to report him. I just want to move out and start over somewhere else. The problem is that it’s not so easy to find an affordable place in this city. I did already call the student union (but didn’t mention my problems) to ask about moving into another dormitory. They put me on the waiting list, but said that they could offer me a place to stay at the earliest in April. But I will probably go and visit my family at the start of february anyways for a while.

I do know that this is not a healthy, normal relationship. That’s why I tried to end it before, but he is so persistent and also made me feel that I did something wrong and treated him badly. So I too often apologized and came back to him. Maybe I also was lonely. The whole situation was just confusing and I did not know how to handle it. Of course, if somebody else told me this story and they were in my place, I also would tell them to get away from this guy and move. But if you’re in this situation yourself, sometimes things aren’t that clear.

Of course, this is all my own fault. I was a real idiot for letting things go that far. I need to learn how to assert myself. My plan is to go to therapy and also maybe to attend a self-defense class.
For now I will just never open my door for this guy again, not talk to him, always lock my door. I already blocked him from facebook, so I will not give him any chance to communicate with me.

Anita, it’s possible that things that happened during my childhood made me act the way I did. I actually never thought too much about my parents not knocking before entering our rooms. My room also was a walk-through room, which might have made my parents respect my privacy even less. If I go to therapy I will bring up this theory, what you are saying makes sence.

It’s also true that I might have been a little desperate and lonely when I met him. As I said I had no sexual experiences before this. I have always been very shy and when I went to a first talk with a therapist last week, they even suggested that I might have social anxiety or avoidant personality disorder. When I went on dates with men before, I got really nervous and scared and ended things quickly. So this time I thought I should give it a try and ignored the warning signs. What could go wrong, I thought. Everything, it turns out. Oh well… At least I learned a few things about myself… Not very nice things, but now I know myself a little better and know what needs to be improved.

Lily

Dear Anita,

I don’t want to meet any men right now anyways. I guess I’m not ready for it yet.

Really, thank you so much for your help again! It helped me see things a little bit clearer.

Lily