Hi,

I have been there recently and by reading your post I felt very related. I understand your anxiety, but just remind yourself, as Anita said that this is only momentary, that it will go away. The beginning of dating someone is complicated. You don’t want to suffocate the other person, you want to find a space where you can navigate on your own and feel comfortable enough to let someone else inside your life. This will create an atmosphere for a healthy relationship. I would advise you to be patient, let him lead your first encounters and with a few more dates you will be able to know him better and know why he acts the way he acts. Do not ever think that he is not that into you, he is if you guys already kissed, but if you act like you are more into him that he is into you, that will scare him away. Try to see it on another perspective, think when someone is really really into you and you aren’t sure if you are that into them, you tend to run away…. maybe.

Cultivating patience is a skill that takes a lot of time but gives great results. When you are patient and learn to accept the perfect timing of things, everything that will come to you will feel natural and not forced. Hence, it will feel better and probably become a better experience. Try to learn to wait, to meditate and wait until the universe finds your energy so that the things that happen around you are meant to happen to you.

good luck,

J

Hi again,

Try to live your life. I know how it feels. I always think of that anxiety as a trick of the mind, because when we kiss someone we like there is a whole package of hormones going up to your head. Live your life, make your life great, have fun, do things on your own and for yourself and get your mind distracted so you don’t feel that anxious. This will help you be more patient. If he comes back to you is because is meant to be, if he does not is because is meant to be that way too. But let him come back to you, you don’t have to follow up.

I like Anita’s advice “Here is a different way to look at things: you are amazing and I hope he doesn’t “screw this up”!”

Always keep in mind that you are the one worth being chased by. Letting our anxiety dictate the decisions we take is like letting a baby decide what they want to eat. When I feel this way, I usually breathe deeply and think “hey there anxiety, I know you are there and I will take care of you” and I keep breathing until I feel better. Being patient is all you need. Good things will come to you when you wait and your positive energies will attract positive things.

Dear Heartbrokengurl:

You posted your first thread on Feb 15. You wrote there that you and your ex boyfriendof 2.5 years “met online, and I’ve met most of my past exes online. I do hope i meet someone soon to help take my mind off of him, but still is hard to believe anyone will amount to him, and/or believe that I will eve have a spark with anyone else”

Later you posted: “I keep getting this urge to just date right away because I can’t stand the loneliness…. I joined a dating site… I feel lonely and unlovable. I’m craving male attention like I haven’t in a long time… I just wish I could be ok with myself…I just crave that bond and attention.”

This man you’ve been obsessing about, following one date, spends a lot of time online, engaged with the dating site where you met and following the first date he didn’t contact you for four days, correct? A second date was set for this coming Saturday after you initiated a text to him, but no time or details were set.

My thoughts:

The spark: You doubted Feb 15 that you will feel a spark with another man, but you have been sparked following one date by this “amazing guy”.

This guy is likely still dating or open to be dating other women through the dating site because he still spends a lot of time there and is not in frequent contact with you. The exclusive nature of the spark that you feel is not mutual. He may be open to date you again, but he is also open- so it seems- to date other women.

You are desperate, Heartbrokengurl: you feel lonely and unlovable when not in a relationship and very anxious. You crave a relationship as a cure to that anxiety and feelings of being lonely and unlovable. This craving, desperate craving, is not working for your well being. It harms you and makes the very thing you crave, unlikely to happen. Or if it happens, your desperation will not promote a healthy, loving relationship.

You mentioned Rules to dating: initiate or wait, is one. You initiated a second date, a day was set for Saturday. Now you wait for him to contact you. If he doesn’t, that is a clear message, that unlike you, he is not.. overthinking about you, and craving a second date. Then you give up. If her contacts you, I hope it is a good second date.

For the next two days, find a way to un-desperate yourself, remove that desperate attitude. It is not helping you or the situation. Keep posting.

anita