Lately the boyfriend and I have been arguing a lot and it was really starting to get to me. What was really annoying was that it was over not being able to communicate effectively. After every fight the real reason for the fight would emerge. So, I started thinking that if we could only effectively communicate to each other what was bothering us we could skip the long fight. Also a lot of our fights emerged from not being able to adjust properly to each others moods and behavior traits. I began observing his behavior and moods to better adjust mine to help us communicate better and get along better. For example I am a very affectionate person and I talk a lot and sometimes I can be overwhelming. I decided that I was going to stop smothering him when he got home from work. I realized that he was tired and just wanted to unwind. Instead when he got home I greeted him and asked him if he was hungry and if there was anything I can get for him. I started to see things from his perspective. If I came home tired I would probably just want to unwind and have dinner first. I did just that and he came over while I was cooking and said thank you for making him food. He hugged me and started telling me about his day. He was different, he wasn’t frustrated with me and he was actually the one giving me hugs and kisses. I realized that he needed his space and time after work to unwind. This adjustment has greatly improved our relationship. I decided to look at other fights we have and try to adjust my reaction and behavior for the better. A couple days ago my boyfriend was in a bad mood and was slamming things and not being very nice, usually I would get upset and a fight would start. Instead, I stayed quiet and out of the way and let him calm down. After half an hour I came over and asked him if he was okay. He replied that his head hurt. I offered to get him some Advil and he took a dose. We got ready for bed and I was quiet but I knew there was something bothering him but I didn’t want to pester him and keep asking him. I know I hate it when I’m in a bad mood and someone keeps asking me what’s wrong over and over and I don’t want at that moment. I decided I would try a different approach. Instead of asking him directly I would indirectly get him to tell me. I told him about a video I had see on how to give your partner a message and asked him if I could practice on him. I could tell he was still in a bad mood but he looked at me surprised and said okay. I rubbed his back and he seemed to start feeling better. Suddenly he wasn’t in such a bad mood. I began asking him where on his back he’d like me to focus and he responded. We began a dialogue and then I asked him how work was and he began to tell me about his day. On his own he began telling me what was bothering him. He told me how stressed out he was and overwhelmed. We talked about possible solutions to things that were bothering him. I loved that he could talk to me without us arguing or me having to force it out of him. After he said how much better he felt and how that massage really helped. He apologized for being in a bad mood and not being very nice. I realized that there are different more effective ways of handling situations. We can’t control others behavior but we can control our own. By adjusting my behavior and the way I react to certain situation I have learned how to better go about things. I can’t say that our relationship is perfect now and that we don’t fight anymore but we don’t fight as often and I fell like we have grown so much and are a stronger couple than we were before. I want to become someone he wants to come home to, someone he misses. I don’t want him to dread coming home but instead for him to be happy and excited to come home because I give him some relive. I love my boyfriend and he is the kindest most caring and hard working man I’ve ever been with. I feel that he deserves my best. I just thought I’d share this and maybe it would help someone. I wish everyone the best in their relationship and remember that relationships are always a work in progress and we must work on them daily to maintain them to keep the love alive.