I wish you were not house or bed bound, that your life was a better experience for you and I hope it will be in ways that are possible for you.
Not being a mother, not having children, is not necessarily a bad thing. It is a choice that many women make, women who are young and physically able. I made such a choice myself. I figured the world is a painful place and suffering is common. Why bring an innocent life into it.
Reading your other thread, your ex fiancé and ex boyfriend, if any one of them was to become the father of your children, that would be such a bad thing, for those children.
I too am childless. It used to bother me alot when I was in my twenties and thirties. But then I thought, I had inherited severe past abuse and trauma from an Alcoholic Mother, and I also have several diagnosis of mental illness (that I am on medication for) and in intensive therapy. It hurt though..seeing everyone having children at my age. It was hard to go to the office and women were taking about their toddlers first words or steps and all I had to talk about was a beach party I went to with friends, or a night out dancing or comedy club. My single life, didn’t seem so exciting after all. But then I came to realise I don’t want a child to have a mother with mental Illness and Alcololism that runs in my family and dysfunctional environment that were my early years. Even though I had a drink maybe once a month, I still had that history of trauma..the mental illness, basically I took on some of my Dads good traits, and inherited some of my mother’s bad traits..what kind of mother would I be. What if I became a single mother, did I have the emotional maturity to cope? The financial security? No, I didn’t. I am 56 now, and it is much less painful now. I am glad I made that decision.