Hey guys,

Just really hurting a lot these past few weeks.  Really trying to just let everything go and trust, but still need to put things in writing.  I (30M) have a very special someone in my life (29F), let’s call her Sarah, who came I first met a few years ago.  We were neighbors both living in Los Angeles, close friends, but in other relationships, and never more than just really close friends. We shared some amazing experiences together and both started on a deeper spiritual path that really seemed to be mirroring each other.

I ended a pretty rough relationship in June 2016 and really leaned on my friendship with Sarah to help me get through the breakup.  She moved home to NYC around the same time, and we kept in close contact.  While this was going on we continued to dive deeper into spirituality and lots of synchronicities just further reinforced the importance of the relationship.  I decided I was going to go see her for NYE to be close to friends, and a few weeks before the trip I realized that I was developing romantic feelings for her.  We didn’t act on it, but had a really great talk about it where she said she felt the same, but we knew it would be really painful if we did get together and then have to turn around and separate.

Since then, we’ve stayed close, chatting and texting every day.  We’re both on awakening paths which have continued to ramp up and we share a lot of really deep stuff, which is super nice on the one hand and I feel really close to her, but we still live a few thousand miles apart.  I’ve tried to let it go, but I can’t.  It’s taken on a more romantic tone.  She mentioned she thinks we’re soul mates, but is pretty hot and cold. I’m sure it’s confusing and painful for her as well.

A few day ago, she vanished.  Haven’t heard from her since and I’m feeling incredibly abandoned.  I think it’s probably for the best, I’ve done distance before and it sucks.  And I don’t want to carry around this anxiety about the uncertainty of it.  I know it’s just time to let it go.

Just struggling to trust that this is all playing out the way it needs to and to keep the faith.

I could use some support and love. Thank you.