Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Blind Anger?
- This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 2 months ago by Amy.
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October 14, 2013 at 8:56 am #43752DanParticipant
When I’m angry, I have no control over my emotions. My closest friend is afraid to be around me and worries about me because he fears I’ll just explode on him. He recommended I seek a therapist or get medical help, but I feel like I do not need to. Over the past 6-7 years (I’m 18 and in college), I have been beating myself up on the inside over issues that marked me as “different” from everybody else. I always distanced myself, thought I was weird, not normal, thought I had aspergers and antisocial disorder even. I left the middle school I was at to get away from my friend group because I did not want to negatively influence them. Already many of them I was emotionally hurtful to, causing them to cry or feel bad. I manipulated them into feeling that way because I felt bad, I was bullied too by the “popular” kids, so my way of coping was shuffling off the pain and hurt to other people. Though I left for a different school, my closest friend stayed with me, all the way up through college. Since he said he was afraid to be around me, I have been unable to sleep. In one of the classes I’m taking, the professor spoke about feeling shame, the feeling of being fundamentally flawed. I realized that it was shame that influenced everything I did. What I cannot help is the anger in response to this shame. At the gym, my close friend was annoyed by me and asked if I wanted to fight him, and I did, and he told me that I would not be able to beat him. He is far stronger than me. The only thing I could do was throw my water bottle at him and leave. He did not attack me. In a conversation much later about the instance, he said he wanted to punch me, but did not because anger is never the solution. He went all Gandhi on me. I wish I could be like Gandhi, but I’m human. Somehow, he seems perfect, or seems like everything I want to be. It sounds weird to say that, but in the years that I’ve known him, I have always wanted the looks he had, the ridiculously good grades, the women, the perfect body, his high alcohol tolerance, his good memory, and his ability to remain calm and above any situation, to control his emotions. During the conversation, he went off on other instances where I scared him that I hardly remember, like me saying “I’ll punch you as hard as I can” for something little or threatening something in another situation. He remembers everything. Just when I thought I was pulling out of that idea of shame and my severe depression (went to therapist for a while, parents would not allow medication), he brought me straight back into it. Is it wrong for me to feel these angry desires? To have hurt people? He is not the only person I have done physical harm to. In the past, I would kick my brother in a fight or throw objects at him, like a stapler, because I was so angry at what he had. He was popular, had women, and all that in middle school. I apologized to him recently, feeling bad for all the things I did to him. Somehow, right now, I do not feel fit for society based on what my friend said. I do not feel anger toward him anymore, not towards anyone right now, I just feel empty and wrong on the inside. Like the parts in my head don’t quite fit like everyone else’s parts fit. is this normal? I don’t know what to do other than rant online.
October 14, 2013 at 7:46 pm #43781OscarParticipantWhen I was younger, I did a lot of that, I was trained to react like a gladiator to challenges, after all, I was a man and needed to be prepared, I fought a lot, sometimes it made me feel proud, because I was lucky and nothing happened to me, but I alienated people, I felt scared and wanted to fix it, so I started to see what I could do. I don’t plan to give you advice, but I can tell you what happened to me.
1. I started to repeat myself there was nothing wrong with feeling angry, but I didn’t want to act based on that feeling and hurt people, specially the people I love.
2. I reinforced myself stem with different exercises, you need to understand there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, just skills you need to master, all people feels angry, they just know how to shut it off, it takes practice, but you are not bad, just in a learning process
3. I developed some techniques to release steam and avoid hurting people, if I get angry, I go for a run, or I punch a pillow or a punching bag, or I do yoga, you get the idea.I hope the anger goes aways.
October 15, 2013 at 12:58 am #43808AmyParticipantAnger doesn’t come from nowhere. You need to ask yourself some questions about the resons you are angry. Then you can start dealing with the issues that got you there in the first place. Being able to talk through your anger with a therapist will be hugely valuable to you. You have to know that the things that you went through as a child were not your fault or in your control. Your anger is probably justified, but with therapy you can learn how to let it go. After all holding on to anger will only hurt you, not the person you are angry at,
I grew up in a very invalidating/neglectful environment. So much so that i developed borderline personality disorder. I was so angry i turned to self harm. I manipulated and hurt people without knowing what i was doing. I couldn’t let go of anything, especially my anger. It hurt too much, i felt like if i let it go, i would have nothing. And what was nothing like? I was so afraid to change because i was in such pain. I felt like my life experiences were so different to that of everyone else around me that i had become something different. I could see people and life in a way no one else could. It made me feel like i had some kind of special ability. In reality i was just a very hurt and angry person who was just hurt and angry. I wasn’t special in any way. I had just been through things most people don’t.
I have learned through therapy that i don’t have to let anger control who i am, i can live a positive, peaceful life if i want to. And i do.I wouldn’t necessarily suggest medication to you. I have been on a tonne myself, and have found therapy is the best answer and then now i am following that up by living by the buddhist teachings. Medication only masks the problem, it doesn’t get to the root of it. Like i said at the start, you are angry for a reason and once you start to work through it, it lessens and then eventually goes away. I really hope you will seek out a therapist, my best advice would be for you to see a psychotherapist, someone who specialises in CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy).
There isn’t anything fundamentally wrong with you, it is your thought patterns that are distorted is all. And it really isn’t impossible to change those. I hope you will choose to seek help and make your life the best it can be.
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