Dear pranit123:
It will not be humble of me to say: I know ALL about being self conscious, or: I know exactly how you feel. The thing is I experienced a whole lot of being overly self conscious to the point of paralysis. I did wrongly think that “everyone” around me had it together, that they were all normal and i was the freak, the exception. I thought that one day when I somehow get it right, that I will join the normal people. Years later, decades later, when I healed just enough- what a disappointment it was to find out that there was no EVERYONE, only many, many individuals and none of them had it all together, so many problems, so many exceptions to the “everyone” that there was no such entity as “everyone.” I tried so hard to joing “everyone” and found out there was none to join. What a let down. It is that part of myself (“Ego” in Buddhism thinking and “Superego” in Freudan) that told me what was not true. It is when we do not see the truth of how things are, that we suffer unnecessarily.
anita

Hi pranit123,

I am a dancer, and have danced for many years and when I read your post, I wanted to offer some insight. Here are a few “Truths” that I have learned from dancing:

1. Everyone is concerned about how they look when are dancing, this is what stops a lot of people from doing it. But;
2. No one should be concerned about how they look when they are dancing, since everyone is concerned with how they themselves look, they are usually not paying attention to how you look at all. And even if they are looking;
3. If someone dances relatively poorly compared to the rest, most people will be supportive and admire your courage. I have often witnessed the more inexperienced dancers receive the most support because everyone is so happy that they are trying so hard!!
4. Dancing really isn’t about “appearance” at all, its about “feeling.” “Feeling the music” and feeling free to express yourself. If you can learn to first focus on feeling enjoyment from dancing, your confidence will come naturally because your primary goal will be to have fun, rather than to please others.
5. No one is good at things then they first start. When people aren’t good at things, we get discouraged. To get good at things, we need to practice, and once we get familiar with things we start to become confident.

I suspect that these truths cross over into other areas of life, and activities. Hopefully, it can help you to build some confidence.

I would like to suggest an idea:
Why don’t you try taking some beginner classes? Explain to the instructor privately that you are nervous about dancing and want to give it a shot. Being in a class of people at the same level as you may make you feel more comfortable. Once you get some practice with moving your body and understanding rhythms, your confidence will increase because you will be more familiar with it. Start slowly, no one can gain full confidence over night. Also, make sure that your goal is to have fun and enjoy it, the confidence will come afterwards.

I understand that your post is about confidence rather than dancing, but I hope this can help. I hope the principles and perspective might be useful to you.

Best of luck,
Lotuslotus

• This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by LotusFlowerInTheMud.