Hi Anitha
No they won’t, after knowing the truth if they are marrying that means those people have no issues with him having a girlfriend.

If issues are there then they should not let this wedding to happen. So it all depends on how they think.

Tomorrow I will be talking to them about this issue and make them understand the situation. Hope so I am able to do that.

Dear KK and Anna,

Your stories sound familiar….too familiar. I don’t know what made me login to tiny Buddha today.

Now, let me tell you two stories and I will let you decide what is right for you. I am telling you stories that I wish were told to me.

I also know this feeling of “I can’t let the wrong happen”….that’s what did me in…no, we can’t control what ppl do…we have absolutely no control over their choices and how their destiny would turn out…but alas!

Anyways,

Story 1 – let’s call her butterfly! Butterfly fell in love with a guy whose parents were never going to agree to his marriage to her…he knew tthat And then they forcefully got him engaged…he had many opportunities to leave the gal, but he didn’t, but he didn’t love her either so he kept hooked onto butterfly sucking hher life force to feed his cowardice. He couldn’t make that marriage work because he couldn’t, is still struggling with divorce for 5 yyears, it’s not that easy, also he did make love to his wife many times and who knows might go back to marriage some day. But he didn’t marry butterfly either…subconsciously butterfly was just his e cause to keep himself busy so that he didnt have to face his empty and coward life…refused to acknowledge his relationship with her and when butterfly pressed for a commitment for marriage, he let her go. A man no good for one woman is no good for other either. A man who cannot standup for his love, then the woman he marries is really useless. You have the courage to stand up – why do you want to marry someone who has no courage. Believe me, butterfly now know many other butterflies whose boyfriends in exactly same situation, family pressure, dying mother dead father etc…had the courage and maturity to take a stand. Such kind of shit doesn’t end just with somehow getting married. After wasting 16 years in on off stuff, butterfly is now starting afresh…wat was her deepest truest love looks is her biggest regret.

That takes me to my second story, of dragon fly.

Story 2 – Dragonfly was in fact too courageous so she convinced her boyfriend to talk to the gal and call off the engagement..so he did. And then his mom threw him out of home and he being the coward boy my mum will die etc that he always was started 5 years of on off….calling off his affair with dragonfly everytime they gought voz he had made this supreme sacrifice for her and running back into her arms everytime his mom fixed his new arranged marriage. Then finally mom engaged him to dragonfly with a grudge..and then he got confused about dragonfly…then called off engagemenf then went back then they got married – a marriage after which his mom screwed dragonfly totally and dragon fly saw that in his home in exactly similar situation other brothers and sisters were taking courageous decisions. The problem was never with the mom anyways. The guy kept playing on off even after marriage every time things hot difficult…rest is too long stuff. Nutshell, dragonfly is filing for divorce.

Both dragonfly and butterfly realise they had low self esteem and childhood scars that led them to such losers and are healing themselves. It will take a year or two of immense pain….but they wish they had taken this pain 11 years back.

If they could back, they would change one thing – raise the bar. Tell the guy he has to take a stand never beg.

If he can’t take a stand for himself…he isn’t worth it.

Love, I wish I could save you two from doing this to yourself.i wish.

Hi everyone,

This is not a reply to the above but I myself is in a similar situation. Wow this site and responses above are wonderful. I am sure that I will get an answer to my situation also.

Actually it’s like I and my boyfriend met through an arranged situation. My mom saw his profile on shadi.com . The things progressed and went to meeting both families. Right from then we were told that all decisions in his family are taken by his maternal aunt. She is unmarried and she took care if his mother in their childhood as their parents died early. His aunt asked for dowry to which I questioned. His family is a conservative one and his aunt said a few mean things to me over the phone. After all this this alliance for cancelled . After 3,4 months Diwali festival came and just thought of wishing him and being just friends with him. It was like he was waiting for my message. We just started talking normally as friends. Don’t know when we fell on love. We met once as he stays far. After 3,4months he talked to his family about me. But there was a huge drama at his house. His mother likes me. She tried to convince everyone in the family including his aunt but no use. After that his mother took promise from him that he will never talk to me. I was persplexed and got very down to take it. however we talked twice thrice after that but he said his aunt will not agree to it and he can’t see his mother crying. After that one year passed and then he got engaged to another girl forcefully as can be seen from pics and other things. We have no communication between us. One of my friend enquired and found out that girl’s family is very rich and his aunt will take a huge dowry from them. Also that girl is very dominating, does not talk to him, and insults him in front of everyone in social media. It is clear from the social media that he tried talking to get twice, thrice but she behaved very badly with her. They also have no communication between them. I have no idea why she is even getting married to him.

he is neither talking to her not to me. Neither this engagement is broken not getting lead to marriage. His health has become very down.

I have spoken to my mother also. She is in favour of marriage but says she can’t tell them to break marriage as it is against values. I want to help him out of this situation and also want to marry him. Please suggest any steps I can take.

Thanks..

I don’t know. First question is how to communicate. He can’t run away because he has family responsibilities and he is the only din. Even I don’t want to abandon his mother. Do u think talking to that girl will help? His aunt stays in separate time. Also ur has moved out of family due to career. It’s just that if he or his family does something against her will she doesn’t take it and retailiate and get mother starts crying. Is there no other way than running. Will communication with the family help. I am even thinking of giving money to the aunt and throw her out of the family. Is it possible?

Hi Anita,

Thanks. I talked to him last night over the email. He has given up on the situation. Moreover, he said that he has left me due to my attitude and immature behaviour but is unable to explain exactly what. I think I just wasted my time with him. It’s bad due to your own weakness I start picking out faults in other person. I think there is no solution to this situation and I should move on.

Thanks.

Dear swati:

There is absolutely no point in you sending those pictures or doing anything at all to prevent his marriage when he is not on the same page as you. If he doesn’t want out of this marriage, there is nothing you should do in the matter.

His aunt controls his mother and himself. She has the power. Not the love, mind you: the power. When he told you that he broke up with you because of your attitude and immature behavior, he was making up things, most likely, and in doing so, siding with his aunt. To minimize his own distress, he is taking the side of his aunt, against himself.

Because he cannot imagine leaving his mother, his family; because he doesn’t want to be rejected by his family, he switched his own Attitude and his own behavior to fit what is best for his mother and his aunt. He will live with a domineering wife (as you described her), a marriage determined by a domineering aunt, and allowed to happen by a weak mother.

You were prepared to pay his aunt to void this upcoming marriage- that was a loving idea on your part. I hope you do move on and when involved with a new man, as I hope you will be, pay attention to the family dynamics and avoid, if possible, a situation like that.

anita

You are very welcome, swati. Best wishes to you!

anita