My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years off and on. We’ve broken up twice, the most recent time we were apart for a few months and slowly started seeing each other again. When we broke up the first time, we went back into it the way things had been, which is why I think we broke up the second time. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results! This time over, however, we have been much more rock solid.

Prior, I put lots of pressure on how relationships should be. However, my boyfriend isn’t exactly the biggest romantic. Friends and family would say that I had extremely high standards, and that while I deserved what I wanted, I couldn’t force my boyfriend to change or do everything I wanted.

So, this new time around has been a lot less pressure on the future and how things are supposed to be, and a lot more enjoying the moment. More independence, more trust.

The downside of that is while I think before I was a little too pushy with my feelings and needs, this time around I kind of walk that fine line of communication. Which, as everyone knows, is key to a healthy relationship.

The problem is, he just got into dental school. A very, very, very prestigious school — not naming any names, but if you think of a famous university, that’s the one. He has been working his ass off this past year to get to where he is. And I want to support that, more than anything. I want to be his biggest cheerleader, and I have been. He just has a lot of pressure on himself already and I don’t want to add to that by chirping in his ear, “what about me? what about us? what do i get?”

He also has major commitment issues. His mother has had two divorces, one more recently that I think has affected him somewhat severely. But he isn’t one to talk about those things much. I think his mother (in fact, I’ve seen it happen) kind of tries to push these thoughts of independence onto him, “you don’t need anyone” kind of thing. While, I believe this is true. We are all alone in this world. However, I can see that her jaded and somewhat bitter attitude helps to shape her sons opinion on love and relationships.

However, I come from a family where my parents are still together. While they have their issues like everyone else, they do love each other and are fully committed. So, I have a direct example of the hard work and commitment a relationship takes. He does not. He has confessed to me his deep rooted issues with commitment and his fear of loss.

With that said, he is moving away in the summer. We have had one talk regarding what’s going to happen, and it didn’t really get to any sort of concrete answer because his deep-rooted issues are really what came to the surface, so we were talking more about that then the logistics of him moving away. I know at some point soon I’m going to need to bring it up, I just don’t want to put pressure on him. However, we’ve been together 3 years. We don’t live together but we might as well. We BEHAVE in a very committed, serious way — but I feel that when I shine a light on it or SAY something about it, he shies away. I don’t want to scare him away. He has valid reasons for his issues and I want to be understanding, but I also need to know what’s going to happen in the next months to come.

Anyone have any experience with something similar and could help out? Thank you so much!